I Want To Say Thank You
Not Only To You But To God

I Get It Now!

He Specifically Chose You
To Be The Perfect Lesson For
My Life

I Had A Hard Time Understanding
I Prayed To Him Every Night

That He'd Bring You Back Into
My Life

And You Came But It Was Never
For Good

Then I Realize The Reason You
Never Stayed Is Because

You Didn't Come Back
As An Angel With Wings

You Came Back As A Devil
With Horns

You Put A Line Between
My Heart So Fast

I Was Convinced You Was Some
Sort Of Super Human Like The Flash

Before You I Thought I Knew
What A Heart Break Felt Like

A Little Pain In Your Chest Here & There
Weak Knees At Times & Ache Behind Your
Eyes When Your Thinking Of That Person

People Tell You No Matter How Much They
Try And Explain Something To You'll
Only Understand When You're
Going Through It

You Don't Know Love
Until You Know Real Pain

You Don't Know Love Until
You Know That Things Will
Never Be The Exact Same
Again

Lessons Teach You To See It
Coming

Basically Allows You To Begin
Your Numbness

I've Lost The Ability To Protect Myself
I've Given Up Control

The Love I Have For You Is So Deep
That The Thought Of Us Never Being
Basically Means I Won't Be Whole

You Lose Perspective With Great Love
I'm Being Touched By You On Every Level

Home Is Where The Heart Is So If This House
Breaks I'll Be Under All The Rubble

I Find Peace Within You
You Have Somewhat Of A
Unreachable Quality

Okay I've Put Myself In Tight
Positions But That's Just The Part
Of Me That Gives All Of Me

I Have Too Much Space Around
To Not Embrace The Areas That
Need Fulfilling

I Won't Get Into The Sorrows
Cause I Have About A Million

For Whom Ever Is Reading This
Its Not The Beauty In The Words
It's The Beauty I See In Her That
Provokes These Emotions

All In The Same Hour I Made
The Motions

You Finally Respected
Yourself Enough To
Know That You
Deserve Better

The Way You Talked
About Him I Could Tell
You Really Loved Him

While Love Is Many
Things It Shouldn't
Be An Anchor That
Drowns You

Now You See That
Moving On Was
More Beautiful Then
The False Image You
Always Had Of You
And Him Together

After All The Things
You Went Through
You Bloom Even In
The Winter

You No Longer
Self-destruct

You Even Breathe
Better

So I Am Truly Proud
Of Your Growth Cause
I Know It Wasn't Easy
But You Did It

You Survived
And Now You Thrive

You Don't Owe Me An Explanation
For Taking Care Of Your Self

You Made Me Realize How Much
Better Things Could Be

You Feel Like You'll Be
A lot Happier If We Go
Our Separate Ways Then
Us Sticking Together

I Don't See The Good
In Good-Bye

I Wonder Do You

Do I Not See Things
From Your Perspective

I Was Never Trying
To Change You

I Know Firsthand How Hard It
Is To Change

So I Understand But What
I Don't Understand Is That

Love Is Knocking On
Your Door, There's No
Mask On This Man

You Refuse To Answer
Because You Feel You
Don't Connect To This Love

But When Pain Makes
A Visit You'll Be Right There
On The Front Steps Waiting

But You Don't Know That's Pain
Because There's A Mask On That Man
Ready To Do Whatever It Is To Steal
Your Happiness To Cure His Own Misery

He Becomes A Cancer In Your Cancer Life

So If I'm Being Selfish By Continuing
To Knock On Your Door

Don't Let The Reason For You Not
Answering Be Your Afraid Someones
Here To Steal Again

Because I Am Here To Restore

I'm A Believer And I Believe
Our Love Isn't Hard Because
My Soul Honors Your Soul

I See All The Good In You
No Matter How Much You
Try To Hide It From Me

This Isn't Desperation
This Here Is Determination

There's Something I Do
That Does Not
Interest You

I Laugh At That Even
Though I Know I Am
Not Perfect

What Doesn't Interest You

That I Choose To Be The
Cure And Not The Disease

Cause I Wanna Save You
From Ever Being In A Position
Of Being In front Of The Trigger

It's Killing You And You Don't Know It

I've Been In Front Of Trigger
I Told You My Love Is So Strong
That I Cheated Death More Then
Once I Just Didn't Come Back 100%
Myself

I Guess To End This Off
I Want You To Remember
That I Am The Guy Who
Makes You Laugh Cause
I Love To See You Smile
And Not The Clown Who's
Unloving But Sticks Around

Can A Heart Ever Be
Made Unbreakable?

Is There An Actually Plan
You Need To Come Up With
To Get To That Point?

All I Need To Know Is That
Its Possible

I'm Tired Of Feeling Like
Chips In A Bag

People Get Me Open
Just To Get A Quick
Bite Then Toss Me
To The Side

I'm Tired Of Having To
Solve Things I Didn't Create
By Myself

I Don't Expect Anything
Because I Know Nothing Is
Guaranteed

What's A Life?

We Dying To Live
The Good Ones Don't Live
To Long, The Bad Ones
Live A Little Longer

Inspiration Is My Mother
Honesty Is My Father

The Day I Choose To Pick
Up And Leave I Hope My
Heart Is On The Next Plane
After Me Because There's
Nothing Here Worth Pursuing

I Don't Think It Notices That Yet
So I'm Stuck In A Power Struggle
And It Absorbs Me For everything
I Have

I'm Getting Robbed By Something
That Has No Physical Form

You Can't Call The Cops For That!

So I Guess I'm Crazy

Am I Not A Guy Worth Loving?
I've Created Many Heavens For
Those I Thought To Be Angels

I Rather Love One Angel In A
Million Ways Then Act Upon
Self-Interest With Millions Of
Gods Beautiful Children

Is An Angel Not Worth Loving?
I See She Has Been Broken
Where Are The Pieces?

I Cant Stand Up For You
I Can Help You Work On
Getting Your Strength Back

I Was Raised By A Queen
I Don't Live As A Prince In
This Life

I Don't Come With Royalty
I Don't Come With Servants

I Come With Proof
That Loving You Differently
Doesn't Make Me The Perfect Guy

It Makes Me Worth Loving
It Makes Me Worth Holding
On To

He Who Broke You Is Not Less
Of A Man Then I Am

He Just Wasn't The Right One
To Share Your Life With

He Can Only See Beyond A
Certain Point

Creating Is The Easy Part
He Saw That

Creating A Relationship
Creating A Child
Creating As Whole

Seduction Is What
Our Mind Craves
Not Our Hearts

So While He Breaks
You Whispering In
Your Ear About
Sweet Nothing

Your Pieces Are
Being Left Behind

I Can't Find What
I Can't See

I Admire Watching The Little Kids Use All Their Energy In What They Do. I Admire How They Stand Up For What They Believe In Even Though Its A Super Hero From A TV Show Or Santa Clause Or Whatever It Is It's Like They're Prepared To Go To War For A Character Who's Just A Mental Inspiration And Hell Yeah They Can Be A Handful But You Watch Them Live For Moments That You Know They'll Never Get Back. Sad Thing Is They Don't Know That. Honestly It's Not For Them To Know Well At Least For Right Now It's Not. Because As You Get Older You Find That Life Begins To Wear You Down. It Doesn't Matter Who You Are Or How Good You Got It, It Just Happens. Experience, Time & Certain Events Really Conspire Against You To Steal Your Happiness Away And Corrupt Your Conscience & Confidence. Some People Call It Growing Up Which It Is But You Start To Question Every Single Thing You Would Never Have Given A Second Thought To When You Were Younger. The Worse Part Is You Don't See Yourself Fading Until You Wake Up One Day And You Don't Have That Fire In You Anymore, Like You've Been Defeated But You Wasn't Even Aware You Was In A Battle. All I'm Saying Is Be There For Your Kids And Let Them Know You're In There Corner Cause They Don't Know Whats Ahead And Its Your Job When The Time Comes For Them To Really Be Out Here Making Decisions To Not Just Know But Understand That In Life You Can Not Be Blind. You Have See More Then What Your Eyes Allow You To.

Your Eyes Reveal What Your
Face Always Tries To Hide
Which Is The Pain

I'm Afraid For You
The Inhale Exhale
Routine Isn't Made
For You

You Go Days Without
A Laugh & Weeks Without
A Smile

You Even Wake Up Screaming
Without Fully Being Asleep

You're Losing Control
Your Anxiety Seems To Be Higher
Then All Consumable Drugs Put Together

What Hurts The Most, I Been There
I Been Lost Without Wanting To Be Found
I Became Addicted To Abusing Drugs
I Been Left When I Needed To Be With
Somebody At That Time Of My Life
The Most

What Do I Have To Do For You To Let
Me In? Scream It, I'm Not Sure That Would
Be Enough So What Is More Then Enough
To Balance Out Not Enough At All?

What Do I Have To Do For You To Let Me
In? Physical I'm Here! Emotionally I'm Here
If Your Eyes Can't See It I'll Pay A Visit To
The House Of God And Ask Him To Allow
Your Heart To See What Your Eyes Cant

           I'm Here

I Know You Trust Me
I Know Somewhere Inside
You There's A Part That Loves Me

I Know He Made Mistakes
I Know That Mentally You
Wish The Memories Could
Just Be Washed Away

I Know That Your Past Isn't Baggage
I Know That You Wish It Wasn't Your
Heart That He Damaged

I Know You Say You'll Be Okay
But That Day Isn't Today

I Know Your Favorite Phase Is
"****** Ain't ****"

I Know When I Walked Into Your
Life You Would Of Never Thought
That I'll Be Him

Who Is Him?

The Guy That Takes Every Opportunity
To Make You Smile

The Guy That Understands Your Old Wounds
Are Healing So For You To Fall Completely Would
Be Awhile

So His Mistakes Was My Opportunity
Perfect Or Not You And Me Is All I Ever Wanted

My Dream Girl In Physical Form God Delivered
On His Promise

I Don't Even Know When You Became So Important
To Me But I Want You To Know Good Or Bad Your
Past Is Your Past And Your Here At-least I Know
It Was For A Reason

If I could switch positions for a moment
Would of open my chest tell the doctor take what he wanted
get you out of your death bed too see u smile to the fam
the Good die young I guess I never understand you coming home to your room was the whole plan kept a lot buried deep in you comprehend not only
Was u my young blood u was my friend repeatedly I play in my head the message sent only thing time ever does is cover wounds how many funerals can a person consume I feel big emptiness when im in my room 2k on pause an my thoughts on bloom the hungry for success couldn't come so soon
Be my third eye while I digg an dive
To survive for a better life
Crooked smile that we put on
To enjoy our nights **** never felt this real.

Once Upon A Time I Got Tired Of
Having So Much To Say But No Way
To Make Sense Of It. I Got Tired Of
Not Knowing When The Right Time
And Place Was To Show My Emotions.
So You Know What I Did, I Treated My
Feelings Like A Song, Words Became Lyrics
And Emotions Became Music. I Started To
Understand What It Is I Feel Just Like In A
Song You Listen To The Lyrics To Understand
What The Songs About. It Didn't Matter About
The Time And Place No More. They Say Silence
Speaks When Words Cant But Who's Hearing
You If Your Not Even Open To Share For Them
To Listen Regardless If You Believe It Or Not Your
Worth Being Heard. I'm Not To Good To Be True, I'm Real! Physically I Can Be Touched
Mentally I Can Be Challenged Emotionally I'm
Expressive Because Unexpressed Emotions Never
Die. The Moral Of This Is Its Just In My Nature
To Bring Words To Life I'm Not A Cliche. Lets Say
Your Life Was A Puzzle I'm Just A Piece Trying To
Figure Out If There's A Place To Fit. Lets Say If The
Only Way To Reach Your Heart Is By Getting Into
An Ocean, I'm Afraid Of Drowning But I'm Going To
Swim Because I Know If I Make It To Your Heart I Wont
Be Coming Back To The Surface Alone. You The One
That's Not Going To Get Away From Me Because I
Love You And That's All I Got

I Don't Lack Confidence And I Don't Feel Like I Am Better Then Anybody Who Does But How Are You Suppose To Seek Opportunity If You're Against Your Own Potential Like Are You Really Going To Make That Decision To Go (Your Whole Life) Worried About What Everybody Else Thinks? What ***** Me Up Is Its Literally People Who Have Already Made That Choice Which 1 Is Not My Problem But 2 Their Going Through The Worst Form Of Suffering In Their Life Right Now. So When I'm Over Here Expressing Myself By Writing Statuses About Positive Sensitive Subjects Or Just Being Open And People Judge Me I Really Don't Feel Bad For Myself I Actually Feel Bad For Them Cause While Their Goal Is To Make Me Look Bad For A Couple Minutes Or How Ever Long. My Goal Is To Become A Better And Healthier Me Because I'm Not Going To Look Bad For The Rest Of My Life. I'm Just Not Gone Do It, This Is Why I Say Life Becomes Complicated When It Really Shouldn't Be If You Just Find A Way To Figure Out What Your True Intentions Are You'll Be Okay! These Walls That People Build Up And Say It's To Protect Themselves To Be Honest Your Not Protecting Yourself Your Caging Yourself In And I Totally Understand That Your Just Trying To Save The Best Part Of Yourself But It's To The Extent Your Trapping Your Own Self. Like It's Serious Because You Can't Even Encourage Yourself To Fight For Whatever It Is You Want And How Are You Going To Have Your Own Back When You Can't Even See Yourself? The Simplest Example I Can Give Is Like How We Are All Scared Of Rejection And We See The Most Fearless People Randomly Reaching Success Or Becoming Lucky In Life Regardless If It's With An Attempt Made To Get A Job Or Going Up To A Stranger To See If Something Can Spark Between The Two. It's Just Your True Intentions And Your Approach Simple As That, It's Like The First Step Of A Plan You Gotta Have It In Your Mind That With Anything You Do It's Not Good To Go In With High Exceptions Especially Dealing With A Person. It Can Be A Hit Or Miss And If You Miss You Could Of Still Did Everything Right It's Just The Wrong Time Or You Could Of Got Rejected And Your Approach Could Of Been Close To Perfect But The Person Or Job You Approach Wasn't Meant For You! And If You Hit! Meaning If Score And Get The Job Or The Person Being Fearless And Just Making The Attempt Could Change Your Life Forever. So You Don't Really Win Or Lose It's Just Sometimes You Miss And Sometimes You Don't.

I Feel Like The More You Try To Figure Life Out The More Confused You Become. I Can Literally Break My Perspective Down To Where It's Either You See It As Simple Or Confusing.
For Example, When You Meet Someone That You Feel Is Better Then You Are Which Isn't True But That's Where Your Insecurities Come To Surface, What You Tell Yourself Becomes Your Reality. Instead Of Trying To Learn Or Find Out What Areas In Your Crazy *** Life Could Use Some Clean Up You Rather Waste Time Trying To Become Equal. Why? I Don't Understand, We Literally See People Who Have No Type Of Stability But Have The Best Attitudes About Surviving And Still Hold Themselves Highly. Why Don't You Examine Yourself When You Come Across That Type Of Person? When You Meet Somebody That Is Not As Good As You From Whatever Are Your Values Does That Make You Feel Good? Do You Actually Talk Yourself Up Because Someone Else Is Down! That's Confusing To Me I Can't Understand From A Low Level Of Perception, All I Can Come Up With Is That It's An Identity Constructed With A Combination Of *******! Sometimes You're Ahead And Sometimes You're Behind When Did That Become A Issue? People Struggling To Find A Grind But Them The Same People Who Remain Cool Under All Circumstances.I Respect Those People Because It's Not A Copy And Paste Mentality, That's A Pure Mind That These Comparing Hypocrites Are Trying Find.

I've Been Drinking Poison
I'm Surprise That I Can Stand

Every Other Cup I Realize
How Trapped I Really Am

Dying Inside Dear Lord
I Need Healing From Within

No Matter How Hard I Try
How Much I Battle

The Stress Positions Me For The Pin

How Do You Reconcile
When The Trust Is Broken

How Can You Not Become
Affected When The Wound
Still Open

We All Get Hurt At Some
Point In Our Lives

I Wonder Who Is Responsible
For You Being This Cole

Cause I'm Paying The Price
When All I Did Was Love
Your Soul

I'm Stuck In Reverse
You Drove Me To Crash

The World Isn't Going
To Stop For My Grief

This Is The Mother Of Sad

If I Can Go Back To The Day
We Met

I'd Tell You To Watch Out
For Yourself

Because In The Future
I'm That Moment That
You Let Slip Away

You Should Be Ashamed
Of Yourself

Contemplating About Writing This But I Know I Need To.
Toxic People All Through My Life That's Why I Need You.
I May Never Be The Same Cause Once You Learn The Game
You Understand That People Care Not About The Picture But
The Position Of The Frame

I'm Not Sure I'll Be Able To Open Up Again
I Was Going To Let Go Of The **** Here
I Go Trying To Become Numb Again

Its Hard To Break The Silence When Your Broken Too
I've Become This Person Who's Unapproachable

I Can't Put My Finger On Why You Choose The
Hard Way To Happiness When I've Shown You
The Quickest Way

Is There Voices In Your Head Guiding You Some
Other Way

I'm Not Trying To Define You
Cause Only You & God Posses
That Kind Of Power

But It Feels Like You Pushed Me Off A Tower
While All Along I Though We Were Enjoying The Sun
Rise & Set Together

I Landed On Me My Knees
Gotta Crawl Before You Can Walk Again
Still In Disbelief Like I Got Stab By One Of
My Closes Friends

Not Sure When I'll Be Whole Again
But If We Were Ever Friends
I'd Like You To Know That Took Me
Back To A Place I Thought I Never See
Again

Before I Tell You What I Can Promise You
I Want You To Know What I Can't Promise
Because Some Things Aren't In My Control
I Won't Be able To Promise You A Perfect Relationship Because I
Know There's Going To Be Days Where We Argue
And Fight Due To Misunderstandings & Obstacles
But What I Can Promise Is To Never Let You Go To Sleep With
A Heavy Heart At The Cost Of My Selfishness.
Regardless Of What Happens Today, Tomorrow
The Next Couple Months Or The Rest Of This Year
Every Step Of The Way You Won't Have To Look Behind
You To Find Me Cause I'll Be Right By Your Side. You My
Mrs.Smith. I Know Your Past Has A Lot To Do With Why
Your Afraid Of Falling To Hard For The Kid, Actions Speak
Louder Then Words. Love Is A War Good Thing I'm No Stranger
To The Battle Field. I'm Ready To Put Your Doubts To Rest About
****** Being The Same. I'm A New Breed! I'll Never Ask You To
Change Who You Are Because Then I'll Be Loving Someone Unrecognizable
Plus Your Perfect The Way You Are. I'll Never Criticize Or Judge You Because
That's The Opposite Of Being There For Someone And That's How You Lose
The Person You Can't Be Without. Your Smile Your Laugh Genuinely And Truly
Makes Me Happy. I Want You To Tell Me Your Problems & Vent To Me Cause That's
What I'm Here For To Console You And Try To Make Every-Thing A Bit Less Hard.
Busy Or Not I'll Set What Ever It Is Aside To Be There For You. If I Ever Get Married I
Want It To Be With You I Done Went Through A Million Girls With A Million Different Problems Just To Get To You And I'm Not Going To Find Another Andreah Cause Another
Doesn't Exist. I Like To Say God Designed Us Specifically For Each-other, Your My New Normal :)

As I grew fond of her it felt like I met love all over again, I used expressions like she was my drug stronger than ******, my addiction they had no rehab for and I trusted it wasn't lust because I knew the difference. She was my substitute for the weekly damaged parts of me that needed to be tended to. She was my love fantasy that even God couldn't persuade me otherwise. Love shouldn't be a word simply because that infinite amount a power is the most dangerous thing I've ever experienced in my two decades of walking this earth.

Sure I have been hurt before once or twice too much, not saying I was perfect but each time I payed the price for fighting for someone who meant more to me then a bunch of words could ever embellish. Drake was right it's not the end of the world its just the end of a world with that one girl. Before I met her I never had a fairy-ideal of what real love was but drama love would be the last thought that would come into my mind if that time presented itself. No matter where I'd go or how much ****** I seek shelter in those open wounds found a way to keep me up at night. Awaken my inner demons like I deserve no sleep as if I deserve to be haunted by my darkest thoughts. I've experience happiness for short periods of time but it still feels like a crazy metaphor that needs to be dropped from my goals like happiness is a rim I can't touch. She was wonderful with issues and faults, she was human but happily ever after is something she didn't believe in and I couldn't blame her. Fairy tales aren't healthy and the idea of including it into reality was no ones fault by my own. All i really wanted from her was to be open with me and not with her honesty but with her heart. She told me not to get to close but just like any other ******* I walked into the fire anyway just to see myself suffer in flames with the expectation that if I kept screaming her name she would turn back around and save me.

Every time I found myself fighting with her I was really fighting for her but somehow every word fell short and every mental break down took its toll to the point I had to shut down or I'd just end up spiraling out of control. It felt like she wasn't listening anymore at least when I was speaking she wasn't, She changed without me noticing a thing. This wasn't the girl who would spend hours in the mirror applying make up to her face then another hour looking for an exceptional outfit to meet her daily standard appearance. My heart was very patient, when I first involved myself with her and she opened up to me I knew she wasn't just the ordinary girl to me because I treated every word coming from her heart with gentle hands. I don't know maybe most of it was just my character but as far as the self control and making decisions when emotions were clearly invested there was no point of me making promises that I couldn't keep the short version of what I am trying to say is my self control can get the best of me when there's real love there. I just don't understand how the same ear that listened to her every word, sentence incomplete or not was the same ear that after a while didn't know who it was listening to anymore.

I've gone to look for myself
A huge part of my life is lost at sight
Its become quite normal losing
my mind night from night

If this is a curse its one of the worst
feeling everything so deeply
I've given up on
my chance to say goodbye simply because
i won't accept that you don't need me

Physically your gone but
It feels like you still walk beside me
I lost myself in you but your gone
how am i suppose to find me

What can my heart possible do
Maybe its true that i didn't need
you to be the one to pull the trigger
Because Life is killing me anyway

Maybe its true that i find understanding
through pain
A long confusing process of figuring who
or what has become of me through years
of change

I keep my shadow company
Wishing it was an actually being
To validate my thoughts
Drifting towards the fade
of my dark
and they say pain
is art

Pain is violent when its
silent
that's my reason for sharing
Pain goes with my body
Pain is what i am wearing

I'm Not Going To Discuss How Much
Of My Time I Invested In You

Because That Time Is Gone
Regardless Of How I Feel
At This Very Moment
I'm Never Getting That
Back

We Share That Time Together
Equally

Two Complete Opposite People
Who Tolerated Each Others
Flaws

Learning To Love Each Other
Is What I Would Call That

Time Went By

We Started Hurting Each-Other

I Realized That I Couldn't Be
Hurt Without You

You Became My Drug A Long
Time Ago

I Never Asked You To Give Me
Anything That I Haven't Already
Worked For

I'm Not Sure If You Telling Me
To Be Something I Already Am

Which Is A Man With Something
A Lot Of Men Don't Have

Potential ... My Sensitivities Is
Mine And I Have To Own It

Lets Forget About Right & Wrong
For A Second

After Every Morning
Night, Month, Year
Of A Combination Of
Happy, Sad, Hurt,
Confused, Deep,
Weird Amount
Of Time That

We Shared Equally
You Wanna Start Over?

Okay Look I Look At It From
A Wanting To Try Something New
Point Of View

How Many Times Are You Going To
Waste Your Time Getting Let Down
Hurt Just Cause You Want To Try
Something New

Venting Session This Is

You Can't Just Say You
Love Somebody Without
Being Able To Show It

It Will Never Be Real

I'm Real & After All My Time
I'm Really Still Here

So It Can't Be Me

No Matter How Many
Times You Try & Play Victim

We'll Both Know The Truth..