Through your tears
And my actions
Our fire went out
Our fire went out
your voice echoing
we're better than this
you've broken down
you've broken down
Though I have found
A life without love
is no way, to be found...
In a home without doors
I constructed your decor...
Out of memories
Out of memories
Guilt, blame, and shame
A spell left behind to keep
you locked away.....
Maybe someone can release you
someday.

Your heart is big. It's too much for some people. Learn to guard it from the people who wrap their hands around your neck whose kisses taste like blood.
Your sadness is overwhelming. You have to teach yourself not to drown the people you love. Eventually they'll learn to swim, and it won't be towards you.
Loneliness lives within you. Fight it without destroying yourself in the process.
Love is addicting. Love exists. Love is toxic. Love hurts. Good luck.

It's September 20th, 2017 and I'm driving down a rain soaked I-93 South on a cool Tuesday night, or maybe even a Wednesday morning. There's a concrete barricade to my right with tiny fluorescent reflectors every 4 feet to indicate I cannot turn right unless I want to die. I want to die but I'm obeying the tiny fluorescent reflectors. The road is coated with a still sheet of rain and looks like a long black cracking mirror laid out before me. The tiny fluorescent reflectors reflect off the mirrored road and dive deep into its jet black depth. They drag themselves deep down into the jet black road. They drag me down with them on September 20th, 2017. Deeper and deeper they drag me down.

What I wish I was
And What I Have Been
A contradiction in terms
That disguised himself
In an intellectualist's cloak

A time worn wooden shelf
For all of my insidious memories
Decorating tacky shameless
Lighting for a cemetery
Making a mockery of
The designations of life's many fates
And my creed was based on the novelty
Of avoiding how to grieve

Crimson tired eyes
Postulating sleep upon restless nighs
For I expended so much time
Doing just a little less than nothing
And somethings, my brothers
They  never change

I am so unequivocally deranged
My life changed
And what promised to illuminate my life
Encapsulated my only light with shame

As I breath
Martyrs and murderers
become the same
The leaves fall like they do
When their colors change
If that's how our lives worked
I would die today
Away from my lovely tree
Be swept away by the wind
Disintegrate into this earth again
Regret that life's not as simple
As I would love to forget
Find reprieve in a new life
I never found in the one I have in front of me

I hate how good I am in pretending
I hate how good you are at fake smiling
I want to see those eyes
I want to get you off all these lies

I'm just making a fool of myself I know
Because the lie started from me beginning till now
I'm sorry I'm not the one for you
And that I keep wishing you all for myself too

I want to see your smile again
But our chapter ended before "WE" even begin
I guess I can't and won't see it now
'Cause it's my fault I'm trying somehow

I'm sorry I'm at fault I really am
Can you blame me? I'm not as worse as them
This is me saying I love you
I really do
It's just that you can't love me too