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Little inexperienced girl
Wanted to eat the world
But it swallowed her whole
It won't return her
Until she's nothing but bones
 Jan 2016 Death by Daydream
NV
SHE HAD HEARD TOO MANY TIMES

OF HOW SHE SHOULD LIVE IN THE

MOMENT.

WHEN IN FACT,

NOBODY COULD TAKE ENOUGH STEPS

BACK TO SEE THAT SHE WAS DEAD

INSIDE.
Fall and follow down the river
Walking the sacred streets in silence
How imbued with the ethereal mist of prayers are these tables
These wooden chairs I sat in and wrote the diaries of my youth
I wrote lies with causal power
Constructed the material from ideas
Spoke over the waters and found land

Eat a candy cane to cover the scent of rolled tobacco on your breath
And get on a plane
Green busses down cobblestone lanes
Follow them like purple orchids on the terrace

Fall and follow down the river
A brown bench,
Balding fog
Sit like kneeling at the altar of the saint of childhood innocence
Repeat her prayers
Chant her mantras
Sing her hymnals
Ritual tower chimes with hell’s fear behind it
Rope and brass that dare not fall or falter
Down the river
Ripples like innumerable green eels screeching through the sacred heart of our Lord and city centre

Mornings like Masala chai and sunshine
How infinite and unceasing the heartbreak of those who love too deeply
How inevitable the prolonged fall of the great
Like eighteen razor blades
Shot through the sunrise
Bitter fruit of memory merciless
No amount of sacrifice can atone for the imperfections that lie beyond the boarders of my control
But I hail Mary nonetheless

Fall and follow down the river
Mother Mary cannot hear over the pounding power of the current
So seal your lips with black clay
And do not cry
For there is nothing more to mourn
Morning comes ripping down the track like a freight train
Tarantula clouds and sunbeams scamper over the sockets of your log-laden irises
Bleeding indigo from parallel razor blade canyons
Filled with the ghosts of things you were never promised

Masala chai oversteeped like the strong scent of river memory
Tremble tell me I’m forgiven
In your white robe anointing oil
Tell me I’m the chosen one
Incense and ****** knees from kneeling at sandpaper pews
Getting drunk of Eucharist, the Holy See,
Oceans of archives, history, prophecy,
Frankincense and myrrh,
Frankenstein, the Light, the Vine and highways through the suburbs
Jump off bridges
Fall and follow down the river

An eye for an eye
And a stitch for a stitch
Mile for mile river prayers define and drown me
Thick slabs of scripture separate me from my sisters
Masala chai and sunshine
Vaseline and pale northern light clear the black river clay from your pores
Embrace the snow
Teach yourself to love the suffocating questions that burn and blind you
Retroactive sacrifice still requires fresh indigo blood
Donate freely.
Fall and follow
Down the river
To the sea
Salt water heals all razor blade wounds
Even the self-inflicted
The choices you make to be good or great are swallowed in the moon tide
Sticky tie-dye bruises erase themselves with time and prayer
Like cups of strong Masala chai.
 Jan 2016 Death by Daydream
Pax
i'M an empty shell
who pretends to be

**alive.
being me, is not easy, being a loner is hard, its not as easy as you can open up to anyone.
Every step I took towards you felt like security
But quickly led to a downward spiral of impurity
Unfinished but don't have the time right now to complete it :/
I found it so beautiful
The way you placed a barrel
In-between my eyes.
Told me your love for me
Was powerful
As you squeezed the trigger
And I whispered
"I Love You Too"
Love your skin
Laced with scars
Forgive your bruises and kiss every mark
Be gentle when they start to heal
Like rain after drought
Let yourself feel
Healing is important. Make sure you're good to yourself while doing so.
I think I knew
You were the one
When I bowed my head in prayer
And you were the only name
I wanted God to hear.
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