I was always the girl
to leave before she's left -
but when I left us, you
locked the door behind
me, and it's a different
kind of ache to realize
I had to leave you
behind just as much
as I had to watch you go.

I don't want to think straight
Because all that's ever gotten me
Is the coldness of reality
Existential aching
Loneliness and grief
But I've been crazy too
Fed lies by my brain
Paranoid beyond function
Paralyzed by indecision
Why can't life
Why can't my mind
Why can't people
Ever just be gentle?

You once said you couldn't picture anyone not loving me.
Don't worry, I can picture it really, really well.