how do you bury sunshine
and keep it in a crowded box
it's just a shell
but it's enough for the wind to blow
and the cold rain to fall
a reminder,
as if we needed one,
that even sunshine dies,
after all

words
it was all words
because you repeat them
over and over and over again
but not to me

I hope you meant it to someone.

they say she's a rainbow
but all I saw in her was a million shades of black and gray;
she's more like an earthquake,
destroying everything in sight
with one bad decision based on a million thoughts.
she may have been beautiful
but she split the world in half
with trembling cries and sliced wrists.
she's a natural disaster,
no one saw her coming

i'm following a script of what to do
what to say, how to think, how to not think
because you tell me to
but i'm burning pages and setting fire
to all that I had felt before

but see
my lips are a little chapped
and my eyes are bloodshot
my mouth is a little dry
and there's blood running down my nose
i'm flipping pages
i can barely breathe

like always
the ink is bleeding
literally bleeding red
and scribbles turn into cuts
i open my eyes
but all i can see
are crushed up pills
in the Rx bottle I used to be

you tell me to jump
and call me stupid for hitting the ground
you tell me to swim
then push my head under the water
because the bubbles hide the screams
you tell me to speak
while you choke me breathless
you call me crazy because words don't come out
and i'm ugly as my skin turns purple
you tell me i'm pathetic
for "forgetting" how to breathe
and you can call me crazy for pretending it's okay
that the blood running from my nose
is simply stage makeup
and you're merely acting
but there are no curtains
and there's no one watching
cut my throat, slam the door
cry a little, come back for more
i'm not dead yet, but i am weak
and i'm just watching my skin
slip off my fragile, achy bones
*i was never crazy

Before
I** leave
Please know I
Only
Loved you when I
Absolutely knew
Reality was long gone

Don't believe
In much
Since you left
Or how to cry
Really it's just too
Difficult to
Even
Recognize your face

My antidepressants don't work
the way I want them to.
I tried to imagine watching each film
with anyone but you.

Your flickering eyes,
they project the world.
Hidden reels
inside your soul.
There's too many people
inside your bones.
You don't have to be
in your theatre alone.

I forgot how to sleep
under the same ceiling.
I watch movies in the dark
to remember the feeling
that made me confide in her.
My eighties film.
My Winona Ryder.

There's too many people
inside your bones.
You don't have to
be in your theatre alone.

Five after dawn
and your movie's still on.
Christian, **** the popular kids,
because they don't understand
how her brain works,
how her glances steal,
how each death
can't make her feel.

Your flickering eyes,
they project the world.
I watch movies in the dark
to remember the feeling
that made me confide in you.
My eighties film.
My Winona Ryder,
let me forget you.

Maybe you're crazy
with your cleaner.
Maybe each swing of the mallet
made you meaner.
Maybe reality bites because of Heather.
Maybe it scared you that we were in love, together.

Maybe it scared you to stay together.
Maybe it scared you to stay together.