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Clumsy heart
and a cluttered brain
all I seem to feel is pain
I take the blade, slide it down my wrist
and clench my catastrophic fist
I'm not okay, I'm not alright
I think about dying all day and all night
I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry dad
but for a long time now
I've been so so sad
but mom, you're not here
and dad, you don't care
and unfortunately I'm not all that scared
to take the blade
slide it down my wrist
and unclench my catastrophic clenching fist
I know I don’t have physically visible scars,
But in no way does that mean,
I don’t hurt,
I don’t punish myself.

I freeze in the cold,
Boil in the heat,
Starve in hunger,
Suffer in thirst,
Drench in the rain,
Die with the spice.

I have scars,
All over my soul,
Heart and mind.

Scars,
Those that never heal,
Those that always bleed.

Never say I don’t hurt.
I probably hurt more than you.
 Dec 2018 Cosmic Chaos
Jellyfish
I'm sorry,
I've done it again.
I'm sorry,
It still hurts deep within.
I'm sorry,
I only do it to know that I'm alive.
I'm sorry,
I know how you feel inside.
I'm sorry,
I have a scar to hide.
I'm sorry,
I failed you that night.
 Dec 2018 Cosmic Chaos
yúyīn
Everyone comes with scars,
But you can love them away.
I told you that I wasn't perfect,
You told me the same
'You don't get it, I-"
'Shh, I love you, imperfections and all',
You said
But a month later,
Everything changed
You looked at me with disgust-
Like I was **** on legs
'I'm breaking up with you',
You said
'Why', I asked
'You're not perfect, I don't love you'
Hysterical sobs, at the loss of-
What I thought was love
'But I love you!',
I screamed at the closed door,
For you walked out on me
Your previous words meant nothing
I'm not worth loving, why?
The cuts on my thighs?
My eyes full of hurt?
My mouth full of lies?
The pain you caused,
Hurt more than the fresh cuts-
I just made
These were dedicated to you
Etched into my skin,
The perfect reminder of the pain you caused
'I love you' it said,
Used my blood to make-
a small heart on my tear-stained cheek
Then I slashed both wrists
They were dedicated to you
I love you
Hours later, remembering something-
You left
Found me lying there,
With the note cut into my hand,
'I love you' it said
The perfect reminder of the pain you caused
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