I'd rather be hated than lied to
I'd rather be lonely than "Loved" by you

-3nwlry

I think I’m dying
Slowly
Terribly
Everything that made me alive
Has left me
My heart isn’t beating
My blood grows stagnant
My skin becomes cold
And now... now I just want...
I want to make it real
I want to make it clear
I’m dying
I am dead.

I go to the bathroom
And cry in the stall.
Such disappointment, such failure
I haven't felt in a while.
I thought I got better
Not good enough.
I knew I wouldn't make it.
I knew I couldn't join.
The optimism I had
Has gone within seconds.
Meyer didn't call my name
I didn't make it into the choir.
My friends did, I'm happy really
But I wish I could have too.
We smiled and clapped
But inside I cried.
Adam, Bev, Colton, Joel, Meredith, Larry
All made it in.
I was not wanted, not needed.
I though I would make it
But I didn't.
I might as well give up.
It's not like they'd care.
I'm not even that good
I sing, yeah, but not well.
Trying out was a mistake
Going was a mistake
Hoping, wishing, wanting
All those, everything was a mistake.

-3nwlry

I thought I was special
I thought I was good
But this disappointment is expected.
Just not in this amount.
I knew I wasn't good enough.
I knew I wouldn't make it in.
I now know it's pointless.
Yes, I like to sing,
But I'm not good enough for them,
The judges didn't choose me.
They chose my friends
Yes, they're very good,
But I thought I was too.
My mother lied to me.
My "parents" will laugh.
So I didn't make the cut.
So what? It doesn't matter!
It's not like I thought I would.
I'm not actually that good.
It's pointless to try out now.
I know now I am no good.
Pointless to go for my dreams.
I've never been accepted.
None of the competition choirs choose me.
None of them care
It's pointless for me to cry
No need to be sad.
I knew I wasn't good enough.
They just proves me right.
But, oh, I so wanted to be enough.

-3nwlry

I sit here all alone
No one to talk to, no one to hold.
As I sit here, own my own
I sing a little song.
I wonder if they'll sit by me,
The people I call friends.
I close my eyes and hum.
Then "hi" I hear
I look around,
There he is.
The person who's my friend.
No one else, still that's fine.
At least I have one.

-3nwlry

Dear step sister
I don't know what I did to you.
I'm sorry either way.
I don't know why you yell at me
And say the things you say.
I'm older and much more mature.
You say your voice is sore
But you don't think to stop screaming.
You tell me to slam my door, fight you, hurt you
Do what I want.
So I mutter "oh I'll hurt someone"
And go on a cutting frenzy.
Only in my mind,
My mind's eye sees the blood.
My arm remembers the burning sting.
My hand whispers in lust.
I remember last time
Only that was not your fault.

Dear step sister,
I understand you're a teen,
But just because you have stress
Does not mean others don't.
Learn empathy, be kind
I don't know what else to offer.
Yes, I'd make the Mac'n'cheese
If we had the boxes
Either way, we won't go hungry.
Trust me, you all eat enough.

Dear step sister,
I'm sorry for what I've done
If I did anything at all.

-3nwlry

Someday I'll fight the battles
Inside me, I know I'll lose.
They have way more to choose
To fight with me.
My insecurities can't be numbered
No one real has discovered them.

One day I'll fight the battles
Inside me. I'll probably lose.
They have way more things to choose
Way more tools.
When the day comes.
I'll cry out where I'm coming from.
I'll call out "mayday".
No one will understand the way
To get to my heart
My mind, my soul.
They say "the prettiest eyes cry most"
I think it must be true
People say mine are beautiful.
I just don't see it.

So maybe I'll fight the battles
Inside me, even if I'll lose.
I don't have much to choose.
They have me by my neck.
I don't know what else to do.
I'll cry out "farewell"
I'll call out "farewell"
"Goodbye" if it happens again.

-3nwlry