I miss you mommy
I think about you a lot
About who you were
And what you were
To me
How kind and self-sacrificing you were
How hardworking
How strong
How beautiful and loving and warm and bright
Oh, how I miss you!
But the more I think about you
The more I realize
Just how fragile
You truly were
How your kindness
And self-sacrificing nature
Was the result of abusive parents
Who constantly molested your body and mind,
Spewing lies of you
Being meaningless and unlovable
As they rubbed their sins and selves upon you
Oh, how you wanted to be loved and needed!
How you used hardwork
To gain the fraudulent love and care
Of rotten people,
Who used you to fill their pockets
And laze around on the back of your efforts.
Oh, how they hurt you!
How your strength
Was throwing up walls
To keep them out,
So they could never penetrate
Deep enough into your heart
To ever hurt you again.
Oh, how you feared they would!
And how your
Beauty,
Love,
Warmth and
Brightness
Was who you truly were
And who you promised yourself to be.
For me
My brother
And my dad
For friends and strangers
My cousins, aunts and uncles
And my horrible grandparents
For all of us
Because it made you feel
Loved and needed
And you were
You were so very
Loved and needed
I hope you knew that you were
I miss you mommy
I love you mommy. I need you mommy. I would've done anything for you. I wish you were still alive, even if you had lasting brain damage and kidney failure from covid, I would've taken care of you.
Why did you have to die? Why did you leave me here? Why didn't you take me with you?
I know you didn't want to leave, but knowing it doesn't make me feel any better.