Im stepping in the room,
Now its just me and you.
My heart is black and blue.
Because im lost,
And i was avoiding you at any cost.
Although there is no reason for my behavior,
And i understand if your thinking, why save her.
She isnt true to her word,
Disapointed me again and again.
Do i really want to put up with,
Your lies and heavy bag of pain

I hate returning to that,
Dark corner in my heart.
There is so much so say,
And I don't know where to start.
All the issues I have,
Is beginning with me.
Issues I never wanted,
The worlds to see.
I've done a great job,
Hiding them perfectly.
The more I write,
The truth comes out forcefully.
I swear i never wanted to be the girl who.
Cripples myself in jealousy,
Always watching them before me.
I know its wrong,
But i cant help envy quietly.
I cant be happy for your blessing,
Because I'm comparing myself and it gets depressing.
That's only the top layer of my truth,
I let hate grab me of my youth.
The deeper secret is I had hate in my heart,
Everything around me was falling apart.
I put the blame on everything else except me.
But the real reason is me.
A lesson I had to learn,
Is people's love and respect is something i had to earn.
How was I could I expect people to be on my level,
When I was walking so close to the devil.
The desperate need for attention,
Was causing the constant rejection.
I had to realize I'll always be misunderstood,
I will always be judged and that's something  that needed to be understood.

So Im 30 now,
Am I gonna finally feel what it takes to be loved.
I've had seriously bad luck,
And 99 percent of the time I have no luck.
That one percent is dying hope this will be something.
Or the conclusion,
Settling is my worth.
They say you're only ugly if you believe you are.
Then I must have a repellent.
I get asked,
When Im bringing someone home,
A lie is better than saying,
It will never happen.
Im not waiting,
Matter fact what the hell am I waiting for.
All my first are dreams,
Experiences through dreams.

Your word feed my depression causing its voice to be louder,
Making sure everything you said takes my happiness and happily devour.
I’m worthless, waste of space and ill mount to nothing,
Is only the few things you said that felt like a knife on my skin cutting.
The amount of times you said those things to me,
I started to think why me.
I was never happy being your easy target,
I’m not stupid lazy nor am I *******.
Tears have been wasted on your words.

         I couldn’t tell anyone,
Why?
Because they will tell me,
He’s only making fun.
Don’t take him on.

I no longer going to allow you to feed my depression,
Staying away from you has been the best decision.
That also meant leaving certain people behind,
Since they want to be blind.
I finally see the people I used to hang around from a different lens,
I now know what kind of people to not call my friends.

My faith disappeared like a thief in the night.
I tried to hold on but I have no more fight.
I want to believe that ill be alright,
But I'm stuck behind this broken red light.

I haven't cried so my tears aren't recorded,
But that doesn't mean in not broken hearted.

I know things could be worse,
But Im no competition with others to see who got it worse.
My heart truly breaks for anyone going through hard times.
But the pain I feel the most is mines.

I haven't cried so my tears aren't recorded,
But that doesn't mean in not broken hearted.

There is no way to tell how Im feeling without sound like Im complaining.
But the amount out rejections I acumilate is draining.
I might as well change my name to reject.
Because everything I touch isn't correct.