Every. 28. Hours.
Another one is gunned down.
Another one of us.
With little to no reason.
Yet when we voice our reasons of rebellion
We’re told we’re “thugs”
How is it not thuggish to crush a man’s voice box?
We could ask Freddie Gray about.. Oh wait.

Every. 28. Hours.
Another one is gunned down.
Another one of us.
With little to no reason.
They encourage a “peaceful protest”
“Don’t act like animals”
“Respect yourselves”
Like respecting the race that enslaved us for centuries
Prevented us from being killed.

Every. 28. Hours.
Another one is gunned down.
Another one of us.
With little to no reason.
They don’t understand why we act out.
They tell us to “go back to our own country”
Please explain to me how that would work
Whenever you tried to **** off those
That inhabited the country you “discovered”

Every. 28. Hours.
Another one is gunned down.
Another one of us.
With little to no reason.
We’ve complied for so long.
What do we do now?
I don’t want to see us die.
I don’t want to see us suffer.
I don’t want to be nex—

(bang)

The psychiatrist wakes up every morning.
Gets dressed and ready to tackle another day at work.
Puts on his best suit and tie.
Something different, so to not seem repetitive.
Matching shoes, cuff links, the works.
Has his morning breakfast accompanied with a cup of coffee.
Heads out to his occupation while listening to his favorite songs on the radio.
Singing along word for word all the way there.
Greets his receptionist at the front desk and makes his way to his room.
Takes off his coat and hangs it up as he gets ready for the day's appointments.

Fast forward.

When his day is over, his mind is dead.
His face emotionless.
His receptionist gone, he has no one to say goodbye to.
His radio is silent on the way home.
Not one tune played.
Not one word uttered.
He arrives to his empty home and tosses his jacket on the floor.
He sits on his living room couch.
And he cries.
And cries.
And cries.
Until there's nothing left for his eyes to let go of
He strips, and showers
With the disregard for clothing himself, he falls into bed.
And into a slumber.

Repeat.

Suicide calls me.
I’ve never answered before.
Well then.. why not now?

in a time of need,
I was desperate for answers.
you looked like a long term one
only to be a cancer.
chances are, if my head was on right
the *** wouldn't have been so bad and you wouldn't have felt as tight
the psychological abuse I endured
only paralleled by the apologies and *** that you managed to keep me sure
yet how unsure was I. naive to love.
accustomed to hurt & pain.. my heart crying face down in a rug
no pillows where I slept, the floor was good enough
I sacrificed **** near my life for you; wasn't enough
looks only go so far; if this was a race, I'm the hare & you're the tortoise.. but you have a car
self sufficient and overly dependent; my nights alone, staying up wondering who you're laid up with
time and time again, I'm praying that I'm all you need; you see me bleeding and you give me a ******* bandaid like that'll put it to an end
came to find out you were already 8 weeks pregnant by my cousin, the same day you reassured me I was the one you're in love with
hope you're happy with him; not to mention he's already got a wife and two other children
in the time since I last saw you, I did some self-reflection & even figured that I should call you
no, to hell with you, I'm better than that
then you text me at 3 AM? no I'm better than that
you miss me? no you miss what I did for you
you couldn't stand to breathe in my space when all I ever did was live for you
in a time of need,
I was desperate for answers
you looked like a long term one
only to be a cancer.

It was a formal event, and I was invited.
A lot of familiar faces were going to be there.
I made sure I dressed to impress, seeing as how this was probably the biggest event of my life that I attended.
The anxiety was almost too much to bear.
Luckily enough, I was able to contain myself until the time came.
I was nervous still, but all the while expecting to have the best time I've ever had.
However.. when I got there, I was denied entrance.
The gentleman at the door, who looked like someone I knew, said that my name wasn't on the list.
I told him I was invited, but with no proof I wasn't able to get in.
Kinda like Heaven..
Will that be the same fate as me?
even if I don't live by the same code as Adam and Eve?

Nobody wants to be alone
Me included
I hate seeing couples in public
I despise their constant PDA
The kissing.. the hugging.. the love
**** all of you
I don’t need to see that
Yet these feelings are only because of jealousy
The wanting to be that person
The desire to be loved
Here I am, on the other hand
Perched on a park bench
Watching people go by
Holding hands..
Sharing laughs..
Feels as if God is using them to smite me
To punish me for no reason
To chastise me for the things I’ve done
Maybe he’s right, for once..
Perhaps I should go home
But home isn’t the same anymore..
I’m going to the same thing every night
A meal, a shower, tv..
Then I say a prayer and get into bed
The bed that was once occupied by two

not even my skin is as black as they
following me step for step
we all possess them
but only when the sun shows its face
letting us know that they’re seen any chance they get
the brightness from the sun solidifies their loyalty
never to let us forget they’re behind us
it’s a shame how that same loyalty
dims to darkness
just as the sun does
just as they do