You should create
Write something down
Sing something out
Paint something golden

Make a new thing
Take hold of your voice
Or unique way of seeing
Your impulses, bolden

Your ideas are butterflies
That want to be caught
Grab your idea net!
Do what you ought!

Share with the world
Before they fly away
(If you wait too long,
they may fly away)

So what, you think it's already been done?
"Nothing is new under the sun"...
That may (or may not?) be truly true,
But no one has done it EXACTLY like you

Cement and mortar
Endlessly eroding
Cool breezes occasionally intervene
In your Dad's first job as a crane operator
Lifting piles and drivin' 'em in

Rerouting a part of the river
A steam engine pile driver still used
Years past are sketched with his words

So many little details he'd convey
Always pleased to recount them
Yesterday's scenes told and retold
Remembered romantic scenes
Eternal pictures now extant in our brains

I don't know what it is I should do
And I don't know what I should say
I'm not equipped to deal with this ****
Your life (all lives) slipping away

I wish there existed a way
To just ...pull you right back down
For another year, and another day
Wish that we could keep you around
I'm not ready, not at all
I can't deal with the wages of the fall
I thought you were going to rally and
Stay and hold your firstborn's hand ...

Look,

I was glad to be your son

(Just don't ever tell anyone)

I don’t tell you oft’ enough
You’re heroic! It must be tough,
Cause each night you are tryin’ to tame me

To get me to turn an eye that’s blind
To not mention the tumbler of wine
Or the whiskey, which is near enough to slay me

Oh you tell me I am being lame
And why it’s me that is to blame
And when asked whose fault this is, you’ll say me

And while you’re spewing words of hate
You tell me I don’t appreciate
All that you do, oh darling ...can you blame me?

The old dog shudders for a moment
Then completes his drawn out breath
Then the shudder returns again
Soon he will meet his death

It grieves me so that I cannot fix you
So much tragedy has clung to us of late
But you won't imbibe hardly a bite
And it doesn't bode well for your fate

I know that time will take us all
But I'm not ready to let you go
Here want a steak? Want this ball?
Why do you lie there breathing slow?

Get up old man and gnaw this bone
You can have whatever you desire
One more walk and one more bath
One more lie-down by the fire

You were so loyal lonesome friend
So soft and kind and warm and true
And I do not like to face the end
Especially this, the end of you

At lunch with Mr. morality-now...
*
Enter Tommy
The bureaucrat
With much aplomb
He'll chew the fat

He will tell you
What it takes
To make the partner-
ships he makes

And how to play
The politics game
And deal with those
Who smear your name

You need to know
Exactly what
Motivates
That pain-in-your-****

Find out what
They care about
And use some leverage
To beat the lout

Apply some pressure
And you'll find
They'll change their ways
Or lose their mind

Oh, while you're
At it, pray for all
To hear the savior's
Beckon call

That's what Jesus
Of course would do
It's worked for me
It'll work for you

These apparently
Discordant tips
Call into question
All your quips

He has no love of dragons

Foul beasts are they, and pure

Pure in evil and love of dust

With beauty and allure



His Lord hath bid him slay them

And though he’s had enough

He’s  having trouble piercing true

That lovely rascal, Puff



For in seasons when he’s carried

This, his rider, through the mist

Together they would cry and pray

And by the Fates be kissed



So with a heavy heart he must

Hold his breath and close his eyes

Stepping out in faith, he’ll trust

Until God’s face, his own descries



He feels a bit like Abraham

With Isaac on the pyre

He must obey and ****** his sword

Right through his heart of fire

We are barely covered
The *** is boiling over
Forest fires are raging
For hours, here I've hovered
With my lucky clover
Blessed and bald and aging

Let's open up the cupboard
Turn the bottle over
Our fears to start assuaging
Against these woes we'll shove hard
Until we start to sober
And dread commences caging

Driving on
Where'd I go wrong
In the creases

When did I
Decide to die
In pieces

Self sacrifice
To pay a price is ******
And zephyr blows but I have never heard her

...Too ...far
Down a road I shouldn't have taken
I live for vacation
I take one everyday


Driving on
Where'd I go wrong
In the creases

When did I
Decide to die
In pieces

Stubbornness
can take you crazy places
When you don't know
the folks behind your faces...
Can help you force
yourself into tight places

Watch your pace, yes,
It can ***** you too
So sad so blue
Oh what to do
Oh what to do

Come alive
Come alive
And drive

Driving on
Where'd I go wrong
In the creases

When did I
Decide to die
In pieces

Self sacrifice
To pay a price is ******
And zephyr blows but I have never heard her

...Too ...far
Down a road I shouldn't have taken
I live for vacation
I take one everyday


Driving on
Where'd I go wrong
In the creases

When did I
Decide to die
In pieces

Stubbornness
can take you crazy places
When you don't know
the folks behind your faces...
Can help you force
yourself into tight places

Watch your pace, yes,
It can ***** you too
So sad so blue
Oh what to do
Oh what to do

Come alive
Come alive
And drive

Flashback...




We'd spent all day
In "the fields"
Not twenty yards from the whitewashed cemetery fence posts
Floating and then burning
Paper boats on a muddy puddle in a depression in the dirt

Phillip and Chris scored some Skoal From Danny or Billy, I forget which...
It was "long-cut"

We try a bit...putting it in our cheek
Like the big kids did
The Skoal making a strange and potent tea from our spit

The smallest amount of this tingly elixer is swallowed- and it's over.

I lose my lunch.
I am yawning in technicolor.

Chris and Phillip laugh and laugh.  
Then Phillip follows suit barfing on his shoes
Chris gives him an arm punch, with a smile.
I think Phil and I were both done with chew.

There was never a shortage of things to do here

Under an old barnwood board, was a magazine with glorious pictures that made us feel strangely isolated
From one another

We would memorize each line, each curve
For later when each would be alone
With the Sears catalog and some tracing paper.

We made single line trails for our bikes
With banks and jumps
Chris was the daredevil of the bunch
He would take a new ramp at top speed

His little brother would too
Sometimes with drastic results
Concussions and broken bones.

There's a chain store now
in the spot we called  "the fields". 

It used to seem vast.  
And now it looks small.
But that is the past.
Memories. That's all.

Where to begin?
With a spin! With a sin!
But you've spilt all your wine
Down your chinny-chin-chin...

The neighbors are talking
Though I hate to relay
The concern that they show
For it drains fun away

You're just having fun
So you say, so you say
The spinning helps get you
Up, up and away

Your advances are tainted
By slur and by sway
You stumble and fumble
What an awkward display

Ah, now I sound judgy
My teeth grin and gnash
And I know I've grown pudgy
From all of the hash

But my tells are subtle
Not in people's face
You're stuck in a puddle
You'll fall on your face

I want to repair it;
We want to be free;
We'll **** and impair it,
...Him, you, and me.

Now he departs
For the adventure after a lifetime

When he gets home he will see all
The holy men he read about

What a sight to see.

He leaves this winter for good
And enters into eternal Spring

He is smiling
And there will be no more tears from him

While we have them for lack of him...

Where he exists, he will be overwhelmed.

And I believe
Or hope

No, believe

That we will ALL be with him someday
In the eternal

Helpless.
I can't even

Break
The habit

Of eating too much.
Even the dog notices.

Seems this pan of brownies isn't working...

half gone...
...still sad.

====~~€>

He's almost burned out,

The pathetic lout...

He's probably shortened his life

By years

But hold on

Sit tight

For through this dark night

Smoldering inside

In depths nigh unreachable

There’s a little leftover orange that glows

When the bellows blows

The house is empty
Except for your ghost
Lumbering past
Legos and Lincoln Logs

Vacant expression
Weary eyes
Licking your lips you lie down

And the only weather
Which would soothe
Would be a rain
                        of frogs

I fall gently and surely, like dandelion fluff,
Stuffing my face, lungs, and veins with that junk,
Funky, fat freak, I, want to transform,
Normalcy ***** so I'm packing my trunk.

That shear inevitability though,
Flow of time guarantees multiple falls,
Calls to mind fresh bright blood spilled on snow,
O who would know snow?  I'm up to my *****...!

The joints are beginning to sear and fry
My seasonal torpor is at its peak
Seeking now a warm word, and smiling eyes,
Sigh, for the sun sets, and smothers the meek.

Epitaph i

He loved
He tried
He lived
He cried
He fought
His head
He rests
He's dead


Epitaph ii

Here lies Haschi-moto
His eyes are clouded over
His blood is thick as pudding
So let him feed the clover


Epitaph iii

When life is at its end
You'll end up here, my friend

Beneath the earthen quilt
A dearth of fear and guilt


Epitaph iv

Life was very hard
But now I have some rest
Asleep here in this lovely yard
With no drum beating in my chest

So peaceful is this time
In bed, beneath the ground
I'll rest-up with no cares
'Til Christ returns with trumpet sound


Epitaph v

Here lies the tired vessel
Drained entirely of its hustle
Here's hoping he won't wrestle
With fire, sulphur,
shredded muscle

He praised his silent God above
For all that He did give
For teaching him to cope and love
And the blessed life he got to live

I've got
an itch
to get out
of this city,

I'm done.  
I'M DONE!
I'm sick of
this flow...

Let's go down
to the ocean
and swim
with the rays.

Let's watch
the sandpipers
as they run
to and fro...

I picture
a place
high
on a cliff

Only
accessible
during
low tide

Where *****
are our lunch,
and we pay
with sand dollars

Which we find
while we walk
down the shore
side by side

It hurts worse every day
I hope this will subside
The lover that you threw away
Has a hollow ache inside

The love to which I was clinging
Was only a pantomime
Your cruel indifference is still stinging
But I’ll be stronger, in good time

This loneliness is like suffocating
And my eyes can’t adjust to the light
Here in the darkness I’m navigating
Depths of despair o’er your flight

And now you’re out and I, soon,
Will have to see your pretty face
But there will be no need for swoon
And there will be no chase

I know you’re gone so go…
I guess this is where we part…
But darling dear, I hope you know
I loved you with all of my heart

All of these feelings
Are too much for me to bear

What do I teach them
When my own true faith is fear

Will it be real for them
If it isn’t so for me

What do I teach them
For their souls to be set free?


    The beginning of wisdom
     Is
    The fear of the Lord
    Is
    The beginning of wisdom
    Is
    The fear of the Lord
     is...

Search through your bookshelves
For the bits that make it clear

Pity the poor boy
He doesn’t have the faith to hear

Grant me your wisdom
He is shouting at the dawn

Are you still with me?
How could I have gone so wrong?

~•~

I’m done with wishing
Done with the guilt in which I drown

I am contortion
Trying to keep my breakfast down

If you can hear me
Then let me gaze upon your face

Or let my angels
Escape the tragic fall from grace


     The beginning of wisdom?


Grace is not due me
That quality you give unearned

Is what confused me
In fits and starts the torrents churned

The less I notice
The more I feel I’ll make it through

Age is not wisdom
As I went on the less I knew

All of these feelings
Are too much for me to bear
What do I teach them
When my own true faith is fear
Will it be real for them
If it isn’t so for me
What do I teach them
For their souls to be set free?

The beginning of wisdom
Is the fear of the Lord
The fear of the Lord
Is the beginning of wisdom

    The beginning of wisdom
    Is the fear of the Lord
    The fear of the Lord
    Is the beginning of wisdom

Search through your bookshelves
For the bits that make it clear
Pity the poor boy
He doesn’t have the faith to hear
Grant me your wisdom
He is shouting at the dawn
Are you still with me?
How could I have gone so wrong?

I’m done with wishing
Done with the guilt in which I drown
I am contortion
Trying to keep my breakfast down
If you can hear me
Then let me gaze upon your face
Or let my angels
Escape the tragic fall from grace

    Fear and trembling
    Fear and trembling
    Work it out with
    Fear and trembling

Grace is not due me.
That quality you give unearned
Is what confused me
In fits and starts the torrents churned
The less I notice
The more I feel I’ll make it through
Age is not wisdom
As I went on the less I knew

Age is not wisdom
As I go on the less I know
All this blind fumbling
Where did my aspirations go?
Fire on the ceiling
Would be a start but I’d still doubt
How do I change me?
How do I cut the cancer out?

You, dear, my life, and my true love forever
Hold keys to bonds that none other can sever
You are: reason to wed, or even to die,
The laugh in my belly, the tear in my eye,
The one single being who knows me, all through.
And all of my love, dear, is due only you

When first I encountered your radiant charms,
I knew I must hold you, my love, in my arms
And never relinquish this perfect embrace!
‘Lest I should miss kissing your smile and your face,
And then could I give of my self nevermore.
All other loves lack, save the one I adore.

My foresight and function dulls daily, my bride,
And fails, for your beauty should oft’ be descried,
And my lips fail to offer the reverent speech
This lack, bind it up, Oh, my God, I beseech!
But there is the rub, for although I don’t say-
I still feel a thrill when we’re still; when we play…

This heart is still filled when you come home, my Love.
Each day, it’s made clear, I should praise God above
For granting me someone whose soul matches mine,
Whose embrace is holy, whose kiss is divine,
This Love we have found, all other loves seek! -
The lovers of old and the Poet’s mystique

And now that our love is begetting new souls,
I thrill at the thought!  And I cherish our roles!
The glint in your eyes, it unveils motherhood,
Your tenderness shows and your love’s understood,
Our future envisioned, joy fills my whole being!
Passion for you trumps my hearing or seeing!

So then, let it be known to our progeny:
That our love is true and there never could be
Another love lasting through future or past,
That’s truer or deeper than ours, or as vast!
Let none through the ages e’er have cause to doubt
My love for my dear one ‘till breath shall run out.

And when I lay dying, if you have gone first
Pray God will have mercy and make my heart burst
Or if it is I who has gone on ahead,
I pray that eternity makes, for the dead,
The time seem an instant, so when I arrive,
I’ll turn and behold you, forever alive!

What can I say about your charm and grace?

Nothing that'll hold a candle to the glow of you

I can just close my eyes and see your face

The beauty of your eyes still pierces me clean through



The sparkle thrown and the curve of lid

Attract me like a moth to flame

Deep in my heart this love I’ve hid

Love of your laugh, your soul, your frame



The cheeks I bite; the lips I kiss…

Your kisses I’ll drink to quench this thirst

I sing your praises, please never dismiss

This ***** boy, because I loved you first



And forward we’ll march through this torrent of time

Wandering together on our common quest

And through these hard moments, which lately begrime,

We’ll hurtle directly and finish this test



I see the love and sadness in your eyes

The love, I’ll cling tight to, the sadness, arrest

You are mine...       ...and I am all yours

This journey can’t break us, for our love is best

I’m biting the bullet, with tears in my eyes

Forcing my footsteps toward paths I despise

I will do it all you know

But I don’t want to go

It’s all for you



I’m painting a smile-on, wearing a grin,

But the mirth of this mask I don,
it's wearing thin

My pain, it's growing, dear

But I will persevere

For you



For some ungodly reason I feel lonely, empty, sad

Though you profess your love, and it’s the best I’ve ever had

I miss the holy love

From up above...or so they say...

Is it really greedy to have my little crutch?

Because you know, I love you all so much,

And I’ll give it up for you
...If you really want me to...

Today

Diggin', delvin'
Such a melvin
Rattling ruins
Boston bruins

Did you get what you wanted?
Did it help with your happiness?
Did it help with those feelings you felt?

Do you feel enlightened?
Does the knowledge feel solid?
Have you started to ...melt?

Does it help with the pain?
Did you get what you wanted?
Are you where you want to be?

Shoveling crud
Dig in the mud
Turning thoughts over
White cliffs of Dover

Fumbling forward
Awaiting the watchword
Dialectic dealings
Headaches and healings

"Did you know when one leg is longer
That it shows - or the likelihood's stronger
That the patient probably had father issues."

...Now hand out the tissues

Oh oppressed Silene,
Your water supply dwindles,
But the wily demonic monster
With each breath, the fire kindles,

So poisonous was the gas
Issuing from the mouth of the creature
That when it approached the city gates,
Its breath killed townsfolk who came too near

There was great fear and the people had to appease
with offerings of two sheep per day...
Until the sheep supply was depleted

Whilst they bleated, they had been enough.
Enough, the beast's hunger to quell,
But as the last sheep bleated and bleated,
The beast made it clear what power he held

His rancor, his fury, his strength ensured
That even without so much as a word,

The villagers knew the dark deeds they now had
To face, in the face of what lay ahead

"The dread, the dread!", the King had said,
"We must appease this wicked beast,
Give him this child, she's stout, well-fed
And maybe he'll withdraw to the East"

But the beast made his home in the water source,
And now had a taste for the blood of man,
And so an edict was signed into law,
A wretched and wicked compulsory plan

Both low-born and high-born must enter their names
For the sacrifice of children to the beast at their gates
And as their hopes went down in flames,
They prayed to the gods and hung hopes on the fates.

The deed would be done for the dragon's retreat,
The children were chosen by lottery,
And as the dragon devoured their young,
The villagers filled up their pottery.

The lot has now fallen to the King's fair daughter
And so, with tears, he must acquiesce,
She's bound with ropes now, down by the water,
Her face toward heaven, in fancy white dress,

When along comes George upon his mount
A shield of white, with cross of red,
And as he neared the dragon's fount,
He drew his sword and bravely said:

"Fair daughter, what are you doing there?"
Startled, she swung round and implored him thus:
"For God's sake, good knight, fly! For you cannot save me!"
And just then the dragon was roused by the fuss...

George advanced, crossing himself,
His spear set low and true
Into the jaws he ****** his spear cracking the spearhead clean through.

With yelp and gurgle the creature reeled
They led him, leashed, back into town
Then in the courtyard, his nerves steeled,
George had the people gather round

"Doubt not. Believe in Jesus Christ,
And turn from your wicked ways!"
One by one they went under,
And came up covered in grace.

"Be baptized in the name of Jesus,
And I will finish off the beast"
Then all the townsfolk, freshly dipped,
Made atonement; prepared a feast,

And in the shadows, the creature lay dead,
A giant heap, twitching- not pretty.
And it took four ox-carts to remove
The dragon's corpse from the city

I dried up mentally
No more flow
The ideation ceased
         rising up from down below

Sick in the head so I’m
Trying once again
To put a little something
        down on paper with pen

We gather together in Your name
To give thanks

We place kernels of Indian corn into a small clay bowl; one kernel for each thing we are thankful for.

The bowl is filled to overflowing
...despite the harshness of this year's trials

Mike prayed for an Angel
And got two

"Brother Son"
"And Sister Mother"

Jeff and Otis in a loving embrace
Both of them with reddening faces

Dad's voiceless prayers
Gesturing, crying,
And the love of him in Mom's eyes

I love this group, truly

We give thanks
We give praise

Jungle, bent to my purpose
     Adventure? Delight?
The Garden of Eden
     No pass time or plight

No wants or inclinations?
     All hungers fulfilled...?
No lingering longings,
     Save those that I've killed.

Such sweet satiation,
     No more for my plate,
Had more than my fill,
     And the hour grows late

Deep darkest leaf shades
     Letting little light through
Make a mood of Gethsemene
     Moving pictures of you

A man left a so-called "good career" to follow his heart, to pursue work that he thought would be fulfilling...
And he bled-out into his art.
The old self, and fear, he set to killing.
Although he was paid far less,
And his finances became a mess...
But a hint of a smile emerged all on its own sometimes
He spent his days with pen in hand and verses in his mind...

The kingdom of heaven is like this:
A sower sowed some seeds,
But the ground looked too rocky,
And the ground appeared too thorny,
But the sower sowed there anyway

And the worries of the world and the lack of rootedness tried to choke out the green growth
But this life is not yet extinguished,
And there's a crack in the pavement through which the narrow chutes are peeking,
And the green apogees are pointing toward the sun.

He who has ears, let him hear.

...


Hang on

Just until this evening

Stay strong

It's not as bad as it seems

        And if you
Focus on the distance
Well, it seems so far away
        But if you
Lower your gaze,
See just the next steps,
You'll make it there someday
        You've got to...


Hang on

Here's where it gets rocky

So hum a song

Don't think about the climb

        'Cause when you
Think about the goal
It seems more
Daunting than it should
        And it's not
Like you haven't
Trained for this,
You've done all that you could
         So just...


Hang on

For just a little longer, just

Hold tight

To those that you can trust

        For we can't
Shoulder every
Burden that we
Come across alone
        It's not like
Anyone can swim
Without first
Sinking like a stone
        So when you're
Drowning in the
Daily sludge, don't
Keep it all inside
        Can't be that
Stubborn man you
Always were, so
**** your stubborn pride
 
        Just reach out...
                Grab the rope...
               
        And *hang on.

Head is too filled
    And slower to think
Shoulders are hunched
    As we’re nearer the brink
Knees shooting pain
    Start knocking in fear
Toes curl and hammer
    As ending draws near

Words seem to fail me, as I trudge on through...
The deafening, stinging wind and hailstones are flying
I haven't direction, but not for lack of trying...
Praying, reading, crying out...what else can I do?

Quench the nagging thirst that comes quickly with each expression
Quicken now a sure belief when all falls down around us
Bring to mind the fervent feelings from when love first found us
Heal this mess that stains us all; accept contrite confession

Heal this mess of pain that these stark storms have brought
Heal this tragic tangle pulling friends and family under
Soothe and salve the sickness and the strange and savage plunder
Do I really need to ask it, with all that death has wrought?

Hello there, Poetry...
It's been far too long,
This hack has been stuck,
Amidst sorrow's song,

A turning of seasons
Can make pilgrims blue,
The sadness of change
Can be hard to wade through

Hello, Poetry,
It's no one, just me
I invite you, ...come in!
Come set my soul free!

At times I’ve believed it

And at other times, scoffed,

One of the oldest of pivotal fears,

Mentioned in scripture and stories and hymns,

The execration is stinging my ears.

And throbbing, echoing, clashing rhythms,

With no beat ...such tension… Distortion’s risings,


A march over mazurka decelerating,

Curious uses for curious things,

Intestinal-pullings, intestinal strings,


Every warping conceived by my kind,

Like tearing of flesh and torture of mind,

Nothing that’s wholesome, nothing that’s good,

The truth bent, the opening crude,

The too-thin passageway out, understood

And my own rotting flesh is my food.

Nordri, Sudri, Austri and Vestri

Jumped right off of the castle tapestry

Lithely they run to the cardinals post haste

And cannot regroup or the dragons they’ve chased



Would hem in the map again, like long ago

When the world’s termination at mount, cliff, or snow

Would imprison folks fearful of fathoms in fright

And torture the thoughts of the children at night




Our heroes hold up the corners of sky

They've all said hello, and politely, goodbye

To a remnant who seek to look outside their square

Compelled by their heartbeats and chilled foreign air



There may be dragons outside of this dome,

But we shall slay them! And leave hearth and home

To illumine the darkness and know our own worth

To fulfill what's been destined for all since our birth.

In a hovel
In the middle
Of the dark moor

Lives our favorite
Anti-hero
From our folklore

He is waiting
For electric
Thoughts to surface

If you're wond'ring
Is he wand'ring
Yes, he sure is

But he nightly
Comes to sleep here
In his old shack

Where he'll always
Feel that he can
Find his way back

'Dines on squirrel,
Hand-picked field greens
...and an orange

Never mending
That old roof leak
Or that door hinge...

'Talks of hellfire
And of brimstone
Oh what is it

'Sends a person
To their limits
When they visit?

Maybe it's his
Dissertation
On "what's out there"

Or his casting-
Out the demons
From his armchair

Or perhaps his
Concrete notions
Of what truth is

And his staunch wit
Which at times can
Be just ruthless

Yet he's kind and
Truly loving
When I visit

Kindly, warmly,
Locking my gaze
Oh what is it

Makes a person
Want to stay far
From the bustle

Separating
From the life mass
And the hustle

Singing songs to
Phantom longings
And the west wind

And then only
Posthumously
Will his song end

And it's true that
Dissonant, he
Finds his thoughts are

Bestow blessings
On his blind eyes
And his guitar