Laying on my bed
music blaring
a slight bzzz from my record
there is an image in my head.

Standing on the top of a building
looking down
watching people go past
wondering what they're doing.
Now I'm crying and smiling
"This is it."
I can't do it though
and that is the worst pain ever.

Summertime sadness
blaring on my radio
sitting on the floor in my room.
Sometimes the ceiling
is so comforting.

You showed me yours
a week ago.
It was on my mind
since then.

I hadn't in a year
"I won't get caught"
I think.
So out comes
those tools
the inconspicuous ones.

Silently I rub it,
play with it.
Now it's on my leg
amist the light browns
There is a shimmering red.
I'm smiling
yet there is a tear.

Now I feel it
how I made you feel
how it feels to feel.

Heart beat
twice as fast
sitting in a car
with tears running down my face.

Puffy eyes
red lines
laying on the floor
clutching my head.

I hear people say
I'm faking it
that I'll get over it,
and all I can say is
I really wish I was
and I will.
I hate these god forsaken pills
and that I'll get over it
because all these thoughts
and second guesses.
I hate it,
and I want it
gone.

Blue skies
Gleaming eyes
Turbulent emotions

It feels like nails are
stabbing into my heart now
Knowing we're not us

Without you
Life is a pale gray
Covered in shades of
Black and white.
Music isn't music anymore,
Books aren't books,
Art is just pictures
Without meaning.

When there was an us.
Everything was happy and rainbows.

I miss you.