You've said and I'd have to agree
I'm  
selfish,

Because
I refuse to let you do anything to me,
Selfish ......

Why because
I refuse to spread wide & let you
**** me then leave?

You've expressed to others
how

Selfish

I can be,

because
I wont give in to your deceit,

I refuse
to allow you any sympathy
when it comes to

your fuckery

your an
infectiousness diseases...

Selfish

cause I wont be

subdued with all

the lies and ways
you mistreat me,

all the game playing,

trying to scheme

fake me out,
while you try to
make me lay out

my cards,

ya stupid cheat,

Selfish

because I've told you

I Wasn't Ready

I'm calling your bluff,
Your not so tough,

Ya sort of funny papi

Your always trying to knock me,

wishing to cause havoc and bring me down again.

Selfish

huh

really?

I'm so

Selfish
because I'll put my children

all of them before you,

I've placed my walls back up

wont allow you to climb em

I've changed my mind

more than once it's cause

of something you've done...


You've got me rethinking
being up on this pedal-stool
&
I'd rather you stop shaking it

so
I can get down

but you'd rather see me fall.

It's

Selfish

*of me- right
cause

I'd rather not have to fight,

I don't like being put down,

Specially ya
small jabs

about my mental

the many excuses

you've come to make

time and time again

You've dismissed

my past and all

the bad that's trapped me,
You make fun of me
for having PTSD
& D.I.D.

You've said and I'd have to agree

I'm

Selfish

cause I don't want to do this,

I don't need another man's

to abuse,
or for you to
use  and beat me

I'd rather be

selfish
then to take care of another drunk

or man with any type of addiction,

even if you're addictions me.

I'll be

selfish

While
I guard all that's dear to me

You've already
deliberately

tried to cause me so much pain

dressed it up and called it love

but I wasn't fool to your game.

Selfish

huh?

Is it because,

I didn't let you in

well not as much

as you'd like me to,

Naw papi

it's because
You
can't just pop into my life

then try to take it over.

SORRY *******

You can't mistreatment

and abuse me

than bring me flowers

cards or candy,

You can't rock my body

then dismissively

treat me like

I'm worthless....

But it's me

whose so *******

Selfish.

I've said it long ago
Oh how he thinks

I'm

"His Type"

Well that's not true
because
baby you've made it

so **** clear

that
I'm nothing.

Besides

a *****,

a **** & a ****...

A *****

even though

You've apologized

each and every time

those
words left your lips,

not right away

but you've done it
&
I refuse to forgive you

over and over

each time you've

repeated ya crimes...

No way could
I allow you back
because
you showed you'd
do it
again and again,

and if
BIG ******* IF,
if I allowed it

which I wont-
not anymore and never again
its because  
you've said it
right

and
if you cant

remember

well  baby
I'll help you

out

its
because

I'm

SELFISH!

*Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present

I told you I wasn't ready,
                                                                    told you I don't have it in me,

                                     even said to you

                        I can't do this

                   nor would I
          ever allow
anyone
to hurt me
          again...

                You've tried to persuade me,

                                           attempted to make it impossible

                                                                for me to do anything else
                                  but need you,

                                             but

                              I told you

                               I wasn't ready

                                        not for what your asking,

                        I can't love,

                           not like you'd expect

                                                and I've been let down,

done & out and cast aside,

                  put out in the cold....

                       I told you I wasn't ready

                                                 for more of the same

                                        You'd think
                         I'd learn by now

and would have a clue,

              but you fooled me

                            not for long

            but fool I was

                                                           for YOU...

                         Doesn't matter
                                                          your excuses & reasons

                                                     because
                                                 I'm already so used to this

                                and

                                                        even if you're telling the truth

            there really is no use

                        because I'm so sick of you....

I've had pain aplenty.

                        Why'd you wish to cause me more,

                                deliberately playing with me,

           like I'm pose to just take it, deal with it!

                                             I told you I wasn't ready

           I'm so broken

           and

         there is no way
                                                for anyone to fix me

             specially you...

                         Not when you've come

doing the same

               exact things

              which had me running for the hills

just a while back!

                                             You're  doing so many similar things

                                          I have to wonder

                     if the cycle of my abuse

                                                             was plotted and planned

                                  as if

                       My Ex's gave you a road map,

           to the very things that'll destroy me...

                          As if they've given you the tools

to cause me such pain and harm.

                                      I pleaded with you,

                                                    explained my mistreatment,

                                                               my young child hood abuse...

                                                       Told you too

                                   how much

I've been through

          with my exes.

Told you still,

             how it feels to recently lose

                          so much in such a sort time,

           but you've failed to listen...

Failed to understand and refuses to cooperate.

                                       Guess the gaping hole in your chest

                                                 made you realize

                                    way to late,

             I spoke the truth.

                      When I said*

                                I WASN'T READY!

                          Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
                                 K.A.C.L.N ©
                   All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present

I've never deliberately
caused you pain,

a purpose
you've intentionally

left me in shambles....

Torturous love

fickle lustrous seducer

the root to all my evil misery....

Vulture revolting dictator

handing out punishments

for the way I feel for you.....

Can't you just hold me,
touch me tender

leave me waking
in delicious delirium,

instead of constantly
leaving me -

wanting,
needing & yearning.

I've never deliberately
caused you pain,

a purpose
you've
intentionally

left me in shambles....

Laugh
dead in my face

as
I confessed
my hearts longing...

The past isn't where
I live yet it haunts me

in my present
and
lingers there taunting
reminding me of the doom
I'll never escape....

You've helped me reminisce
captured us
in a time capsule,

where
we'd blissfully engage
on a lover's quest-

to conquer each others internal flame.

Somewhere along the way

the lines blended to where
You've forgot how important

I'm pose to be to you,
to where
I've failed to acknowledge

you have feelings too
and
men do cry
even if its on the inside

We've both forgot how
words leave wounds....

I cry
you leave
I fuss
you drink
I run
you chase

You drive away
I beg you back.....

In circles again & again
this pattern remains.

somewhere within us is still
the gentleman & his lady

this new us
we've accepted
must die
and
we become
the doting couple

let us
learn all over again.

Not this stranger you see
before you

or
someone
I've never seen
behave so reckless

where my utmost desires & feelings no longer are his concern,

bring me back & give me life.....

I've never deliberately caused you pain,

a purpose you've intentionally

left me in shambles....

Torturous love

fickle lustrous seducer

the root to all my evil misery....

Vulture revolting dictator

handing out punishments

for the way I feel for you.....

Can't you just hold me,
touch me tender

leave me waking in
delicious delirium-
come home,
come here & make love to me
or
CAN YOU MAKE THIS MAKE SENSE TO ME?!*

Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present