The broken spirit cries out for love
Her mind rejects the notion - Feeling unworthy
Her heart yearns for God above
For heavens peace to calm her thoughts flurry

Alone through life - no one to lean on
Always to be the one who has to be strong
She carried her cross and many others
She was the burden - The reminder of the pain
for her sister, mom, children, and brothers
HER Trauma was the storm that brought the rain

She was blamed for the past of them all
She was shamed for how the pieces fall
When they cast the stones in the first place
When they handed her grief  and stole her grace

So she called herself Hope as a joke
because its what always eluded her - what she always needed most
She tried to be a beacon for those that were lost
but couldn't find herself through the cost

So she opened her eyes to the deception
She found she didn't recognize her reflection
She couldn't find a home though introspection
She searched and searched for recollection
How long had she lied
behind the smile - she cried
But this Honesty would spur her resurrection

She saw through the lies they had fed her
She remembered how the past had bled her
of all self worth - all her joy was torn asunder
But this time she wouldn't be pulled under
Deep onto the abyss of her sorrow
where most of her life she had dwelt
she would see the dawn with new eyes tomorrow
and let that rain wash away the shame she felt

As she sifts through the rubble and ash
of an old life she can not get back
she will rise like a phoenix taken in flame
And one day they will remember her name
They will regret the words that they said
as they realize they are immortalized
in the words that they've read

Her beginnings were rougher than most
Every turn seemed to get worse
She learned to lean on her heavenly host
This alone helped her handle her curse
Life dragged her from trauma to trauma
At least she had her children's love
Her most cherished name for herself, was 'momma'
She looked for wisdom from above

Then her children were taken
she fought off the waves of emotion
she fought off feeling forsaken
she fought being drown in this ocean
that threatened to swallow her faith up in doubt
That drained her - That strained her
to figure all of this trauma out

Of all that made her feel broken
this was by far the very worst
Yet her prayers still never go unspoken
she refused to remain feeling cursed
Because she would live for Christ -
For HIM she would hunger and thirst

What do you do when you are kicked when you are down
Stand up - pretend to smile and play your part as the clown?
Pretend the words were never said
that messed so badly with your head
and soldier on through the storm
How long can I do that
How long can I fake it
How long can I shake it off?

The cracks in my mask are growing wider
chasms I can not fix
I can't just take off this
mask that I put on when I was younger than six
I can't open up with no confidence within me
I feel trapped in my mind with no where to flee

My life just keeps getting worse
I swear I feel like I am cursed
I can never see my real worth
because of the nightmare my realty births

I get silenced by the pain
Like I am drowning in the rain
all the little stuff drives me insane
I feel like the price isn't worth the gain

My emotions take me for a ride
through hell while I die inside
submerged in tears I've cried
Why do I feel like I have to hide

My quiet hell seems peaceful
If you are on the outside
I sink deep into my shell
and return to it to hide
I hide behind a smile
and it seems to work
for a little while
but it fades to a smirk
then it fades completely away
and the truth comes out
at the end of the day
So I hide in bed so no one sees what I cry about

I hide in what looks like reverie
But its only a mask for misery

He is the only key to the jail cell in my mind
He is the only peace I will ever find
He is the only one who gives me grace
He is the only one who truly sees my face
He is the only one who sees past the mask
He is the only helper I'd feel okay to ask
He is the one in which I can confide
He is the one that doesn't make me feel like I have to hide
He is the only one who can save me from my hell
He is the Savior that I know I can always tell

Why should I let my past control me
Why should I fear every day of my life
Why should I let that dictate who I am to be
Why should I continue to shoulder the strife

Why is it so hard to lay it down
Why is it so hard to cast my cares away
Why is it so hard to not let myself drown
Why is it so hard to get out of bed today

Why let myself feel like a burden
Why let myself feel like I am broken
Why let myself feel so shut in
why let myself feel like I can't be outspoken

All I ever think about is you
The family I once had
My kids and mother - Sister and brothers
Everything I thought was true
seemed to turn sour - rotten - bad

They all turned their backs
and left me to die alone
How am I supposed to forgive and forget
When they sold me out to make up for what they lack
When they robbed me of all that I owned

They try to hide behind angels faces
Pretending to be kind and better people
I don't get how everyone gets snowed
When it is SO fake - but that's what social grace is
They hate behind closed doors but smile at the steeple

I don't get it how am I painted evil
when they are the abusers that broke me
how is it I am the one with the blame - the shame
When they are the ones that caused my upheaval
When they stole the only ones that set me free

They made me look foolish
not to mention they painted me crazy
how can you tell me to be normal
when you can't define it - its only that you wish
that you could change me so your life is less hazy
That won't happen until you put down your pipe dreams
You never really cared for me - Those are your words
So choke on them - to drown out my screams

You said you want to shoot me in the face
Our mother gave a half hearted apology
then made me feel the guilt - just like you do
Can you see the disgrace?
I am through with your ******* up psychology

So now I am forced to say goodbye
I don't know why I don't want to
You have given me every reason to hate
but all it did was make me want to cry
and say I am sorry to you
HOW SICK IS THAT
You can finesse this all to your favor
even when you through my trauma in my face
I still love you - in the combat
Where you told me I should have been there to save her
FROM YOU

How do you do what you do
and still like - still live with yourself
Or face a mirror
Or be in good health
Can your see yourself clearer?
Who is this monster you've become
And why does our mother just hide from
the truth that you aren't the same
or maybe you've always been this way
and just never changed

Even without you around
You still abuse me
I don't get it
I hear your voice when there's no sound
Why are you always trying to confuse me

The devil laughs when you wake up
this much I know for certain
because you do his work for him
Why don't you and he break up
and just close the curtain
The act is over- our family is done
are you happy at last
now that you have destroyed me - and had your fun
throwing up to me my whole past?

I will walk away from this war
because I want to survive the battle
you gave me plenty of scars
But God and Jesus will help me restore
and renew the broken heart that you rattled

I will find my victory
as the bridge burns and I walk away
I won't think of what you took from me
I can't help it though - my mind is contradictory
But at least I made it through today

I love each one of them, more than I love myself
Without them I feel like a toy forgotten on a shelf
waiting for the child to come back and want to play
waiting for their smiles to brighten up my day
In my darkened corner I will wait an eternity
Until I see their loving faces staring back at me

A cage with in my mind Where I feel that I belong
For everything that I let happen for everything I did wrong
I persecute myself daily for the sins I can't forgive
I can not set myself free - I can barely let myself live

Knowing where I failed
Knowing the lives that I derailed
The pain I wrought
comes to mind like a twisting knife with every thought

I let you all down so I will do all I can
So you will never wear a frown
even if that means I drown

Sinking beneath my failures caught in a devils trap
How much more can I take - before this rope snaps?
I've slid to the end, and I am holding on for dear life
I'm not great at tying knots, but I know how to use a knife

Will God catch me if I fall
Trusting Him, though I lose it all
letting go of everything I love
til I only have my Father above

Why does this feel so cruel
So vile and unfair
why did the punishment have to be a cross I can't bare

--------

I get it now - God's will is stronger
I will not fight it any longer
I don't want free will anymore
I just want my life back like it was before

Rocking them to sleep at night
kisses and prayers - hugs so tight
Laughter every single day
I don't want them to go away

This is worse than death
it takes away my breath
It stings in my mind
How the world is so unkind
I pray to just rewind
back to a better time
I see it when I close my eyes
but when they open the dream flies
they well up with tears at goodbyes
fearing that it could be our last
God the time just goes so fast

How long does this pain last
As long as I carry it I suppose
If I keep trudging through my past
That I keep locked up so no one knows -
That I feel like a burden
with nothing much to offer
A broken heart and mind
With empty coffers

My children are why I live
their absence is why I am lonely
They are my reason to forgive
They are my reason only

What brought me my joy
Now brings me so much pain
the absence of their laughter
Drowns me in silent rain

I lock it all away
so that no one can see
But my eyes always betray
The fact that I can't be happy

Early life stole my innocence
later it took my mind
it lead me to my own ignorance
leaving me completely blind

Blind to the pain I put them through
with my own bad choices
While I justified what I'd do
with the darkness' tormenting voices

I'd beat myself down and I still do it everyday
This isn't what God wants from me - so I hope He takes it away

The anxieties creep back in
and the nightmares and flashbacks begin
As it fades depression follows in its wake
with desolation and destruction
The devil needs no introduction

He finds his ways to  shake me
But the Lord won't let him break me

Was I ungrateful
For the life that I'd been given
Was I foolish in my thinking
That my past had been forgiven

I love them all so much
I want to hug them - feel their touch
"A pat on the face for mother"
Can heal a heart like no other

I am a broken poet
who has lost her muse
my mind blackened and I know it
But I won't give up, I refuse

I won't let the devil lie to me
I will feel peace through praise
I will be set free

I will break the petty cycles that kept me as a slave
I will not be buried alive in an unmarked grave
I will find grace
In Jesus' name

Another year older
The world gave me the cold shoulder
I've grown a little bit bolder
But I wasn't built to be a soldier

I am tired in this war
with little strength
and less to fight for
I feel like I am knocking on a door
that will never open

Life rocked me like a baby
then threw me from the nest
while everyone looked at my broken life
and whispered its for the best

The air was robbed from my chest
my heart torn from my breast
this silence steals from me my rest
I'm a  mess

Their faces shine in my mind
their voices ring like echos down empty halls
I hear their calls for mommy
and feel myself fall
as my muscles unwind

I reach for them in my dreams
but they are always further than it seems
too far to touch or hold
they can't hear my screams
'Mommy's here to love you,
I put no one else above you
I need you night and day
without you my heart has flown away
I am always stressing about how you are
I know we are so far
but baby look up at the stars, I am too
and when I see the moon
I only think of you
I pray you sleep
like the angels are there to keep
all nightmares away.
My love is never ending
I hope you feel the prayers I keep on sending
that they take away your fears
your tears
and give you a new beginning
where happiness is abounding
with a peace that is astounding
Love is bountiful if you seek it

I miss you all so much I sometimes can't bear it
I can't sleep without seeing your faces
In all of our old places
I think I learned what God's grace is

I wish I had found out sooner
I wish I had not taken our time for granted
because the love that God has planted
will never ever wither

I'm not ready  to let you go
I'm not ready for goodbye
I want you to know
My love will never die
And you will always be my babies
and when I look up to the skies
All I see are your beautiful eyes

In every child's face I see your smile
Its replaced with you and me
Holding hands carefree'

God - why does this feel like dying
why hours of useless crying
What have I been denying
Why is this life so terrifying
Why do I always feel alone
Why is my heart turning back to stone
Except when I hear their voices through the phone
that is the only joy I've got, then its done
and I am alone with my thoughts
they are polluted and they drown me
in brackish waters
as I think of my sons and daughter
and where I went so wrong
how I must have failed all along


The Lord giveth & The Lord taketh away
but at least - all of my babies are alive today.
Thank you.

You never knew me
You just knew what you wanted me to be
You never loved me
You only love what sets you free
I'd rather light the bridge to burn
Than let you incinerate my life
You want respect you could never earn
I was stabbed in the back - you held the knife

You never noticed my pain
You sought to cause me more for your own gain
You led my hopes and dreams to the slaughter
You protected everyone but your daughter
So I won't call you mother anymore
I'm tearing down what love I had - stripping it to the floor

You can't control me because I am letting go
The manipulations are over - no more causing my fears to flow
I know you're angry, and you will cast the blame
You always do, because you're too afraid of shame
You'll never see the pain that you've wrought
that'd take accountability and that can't be bought

I'm completely through
Im tired of living for you
When with every word You spit in my face
Then painted me the disgrace

So go on keep defending the abusers
Go on and **** up to the users
Hate me if it helps you sleep at night
But don't forget you started this fight

Shots fired shots fired
When my soul was already tired
You hit me when I was already down
Then straightened your corrupted crown

What do you do when your dream becomes your nightmare
and everyone around you acts like they don't care  
all they ever say is get over it
As if it wasn't hard enough to admit
That you're not okay
that you feel like you're insane
You're thoughts begin to fray
and all you feel is pain

you feel your heart grow numb
you feel worthless with every thought
no matter how far you've come
No matter how many battles you've fought

What matters is that you win today
That you're just keep breathing and healing
That you don't let the sorrow stay
No matter how bad you're feeling

Remember there's always a glimmer in the dark
that to ignite a fire - all it takes is a spark
That you have the power over your own mind
your hope is hiding - if you search, you'll find

Joy is on the horizon rising with the sun
Don't give up, your journeys just begun
Weeping may last through the night
But the stars still shine so bright

Healing is a harrowing endeavor
That is always rough and steep
Pain and fear don't last forever
Remember that as you fall to sleep.

I just let them call me broken
Because they make it hard to speak
I can't help it I'm soft spoken
I can't help it that I feel so weak

After the abuse had ended
The words continued in my head
These voices I had befriended
Seemed to only want me dead

They keep me trapped in my past
Like a phantom
They keep me locked up in the dark
With no key
They keep me from feeling freedom
Because the voices all come from me

Pain took hold of my senses
Fear stole the breath from my chest
I tried to bolster my defenses
I thought it was for the best

Every thought feels like a blade
That rips right through my soul
In the prison my mind has made
My personal hell swallows me whole

All I did was cage myself in with the beast
That the monsters had made out of me
It tears me apart, my heart as its feast
I built walls so no one else can see

The echos of my tears and sorrow
Travel through my wounded mind
I can't believe I'll be better tomorrow
I just pray its hope that I find

Don't bother reaching out anymore
Remember you chose to walk away
You turned your back - shut the door
Ill keep it locked - that's how it'll stay

I'm through being a puppet in this game
You can hate me for all I care
In the end it's all the same
Even if it isn't fair

Even if you're screaming - crying
The bridge is burned I won't answer the call
You won't find me don't bother trying
I refuse to watch you fall

Don't you dare say you love me - not now
It wouldn't do you any good it'll just hurt
It isn't really true anyhow
At this point I won't hear it - just divert

So I will whisper goodbye on the breeze
Ill kiss my past farewell
Ill let the love I had for you freeze
Its already so close - I can tell

You ruined everything we once had
I needed you and you left me to decay
I will do the same - isn't it sad
That there's nothing left to say

I'm a broken spoken word poet
Who's hurt but doesn't show it
The current of despair pulls me below it
I'm stronger than this and I know it

My words fall short I grow quiet
Though in my mind there's a riot
Ill hang my heart out to dry it
From the tears I supply it

I have to fight through or die trying
I say I'm fine but they know I'm lying
Because the pain that I've been denying
Keeps me alone and silent while I'm crying

So I'll just keep on writing
Ill never give up fighting
The sorrow that keeps on biting
The darkness that feels so inviting

I just wish someone had told me
That my demons can't console me
That I didn't have to let them enfold me
I'm renewed and they all will behold me

The lies that my mind has sold me
Can no longer control me
These demons can not hold me
Because I'm casting off the old me


I'm turning away from a tortured past
I'm through holding dreams not meant to last
I'm done feeling drowned and downcast
I have my new lease on life and I'm holding fast

I am climbing up from the end of my rope
I found faith when I ran out of hope
I hit rock bottom sliding down a *****
I prayed when I had no other way to cope

Doing this I found wisdom and understanding
With knowledge of peace expanding
But letting go seems so demanding
As does the pain I'm withstanding

I heard a song that reminded me of you
It brought waves of memories of all we've been through
I was flooded by the pain of not having you near
I thought of you on your deathbed and it fed into my fear
I was swallowed with regret
Of the words I've never said
I was burdened by the grief
Of the reasons I had to leave
I mean it seems I was only an obligation
A friend only in my own imagination
Not a daughter to love
A girl with out a father except the One Above
That to you I was a burden too hard to carry
So you dumped me in the world alone because my trauma was too scary
How am I supposed to forgive and forget
When you still turn your back and your mind is set
To excuse the abuse you watched people inflict
On me and my children to avoid conflict
Well you chose who you chose
And everyone knows
You'd turn your back on the one who loves you most in exchange for my foes
So I won't call because you don't want to be reminded of your flaws
So regret doesn't shake you around in its jaws
I'll just let it be what it is and walk away
Though it haunts me that I will lose you one day
But really I've already lost you before
When you stopped saying I love you and my heart was torn
When you and the others stripped away my life
You sided with my brothers to cause me strife
I should have had enough then
Ill say it now i wont let you hurt me again
I should have told you when my heart got broken
But it was too hard to let the truth be spoken

Seething rage kindled by hateful words
Your hands bruised my baby girl
You tell me it's my fault for not protecting her
My mind weaves hatred in a blur
You despicable low life drunken ****
I should help you remove your smirk
By making you swallow your teeth with your words
For every betrayal ..for every lie..for every tear you made me and my babies cry..

You deserve to die. No worse yet...you deserve to live in all your hate.
To torture yourself in a prison you create
To squander what you have to become grief stricken
Because you know you'll never be forgiven

It's your loss with the bridge you've burned.
Because every pain you have, you've earned
I hope you rot in the hell of your mind
That God hardens your heart and keeps you unkind
That you never get better, and end up alone
High up on your lofty throne
A throne built on S... and lies
Congratulations you're the lord of flies
You deserve worse than what i could do
You deserve to be alone with you
Drowning in your own self pity and doubt
Thinking you're better, as if you have clout
You're nothing to brag about!
You're violent, ugly, cruel and sick
I hope you choke on your own.......
Our family puts the fun in dysfunctional
And I'm through with the game
I pray one day that ill just forget your name.

I'm so drained and tired
I feel strained and uninspired
I feel empty darkness flooding in
Taking me back to where my pain begins

As I'm walking through the wreckage
Of my torn and tattered dreams
My life burning with the bridges
That were built up by their schemes

They held my joy hostage from me
Then told me I am not enough
I became my own worst enemy  
Because believing them was rough

They severed all my strength and security
Like the mighty Sampson with his hair
I am ****** by inferiority
And it's getting harder and harder to care

My heart had been broken and scattered throughout
But it always pulled itself together
Now it's completely hollowed out
And it feels like it will last forever.

People tell me this is for the best
But do they know that for sure
Pain has stolen all my rest
I don't know how long I can endure...

I've been convicted
By my own mind
Because I am conflicted
From my life being in a bind

My heart is broken
My soul is bereft
I am trapped - soft spoken
Half of me is left

You were my favorite part of me
What have I become with out you
You smiles alone set my mind free
Now I'm a hollow human forever blue

The silence is just too much
The lack of your laughter drives me insane
My silence is hell - music my crutch
I can't even find pleasure in rain

Because I'm drowning in brackish waters
That flow from my own eyes
As I think of my sons and daughter
As we again, say our goodbyes

I'm not strong enough to let you go
But not stable enough to keep you
I pray each day you know
My love will always run true

My sentencing is life forever lonely
Arms that feel so empty and weak
I will hold this place in my heart for you only
Until we meet again..my life is bleak

You have been called
Will you listen?

You have been called
Will you answer?

You have been called
Will you hesitate?

I heard you
I swear I did
I called back!
I swear!
But was it enough? Was I too late?
Did I forget? Are you still my mate?

The wind whispered and whistled
all around the bow
I shivered when the beam hit me
the light shined so bright
When it faded all I could see was you.
I could hear you calling
I could hear you laugh
I could hear my tears
and wondered why
Why would I cry?

I am blessed for each breath
each moment with you and Toby
I will learn to savor the flavor
of joy in each stride
Dignity until I die
and a love that won't

I cover up how cold I feel,
With a warm smile.
I gloss over what's inside
so I can hide it for a while.

It doesn't mean that it lasts
for even more than an hour
the best way to hide your tears
is to merely take a shower

Let the sorrow wash off your skin
Breathe in the heat and exhale
Learn to wash away the gloom
and you shall never fail

I just started to feel alive
The fear of death swells again
My heart begins to dim - it fails to thrive
My smile slides away - put on for a friend

My tears fall like summer rain
The joy mixes with the pain
I forget who, and where I am - at last
Surrounded suffocating by failures past

We fled across all the seven seas
In our ships with billowed sails
We had it all, in just the breeze
and entire countries on our tail

Down the rivers and the streams
We raced through the summer haze
This was what made up our dreams
Until our love became a maze

We got ******* in disappointment and words thrown
Like stones to build the maze up higher
I felt like all my dreams were dashed, and love had flown
But we scaled the dark tower to the crest of hopes Spire

Your eyes make me forget the moon
that is something that has never consumed  - me
Luna and Music were my only friends
after all of the parties would end

I was always filled with anger and darkness and spit in my eye
and a ******* to anyone who passed me on the fly
Somehow I got lost in your eyes again today
I felt my mind begin to fray
you touched my hair, he nudged my face
I felt out of place

Erratic nature and a spirit unbroken
unbridled fury and whispers spoken
friends holding hands, lovers; true
But most of all I like time spent with you
talking or laughing just doing what you do
I don't think you know I admire you too.

From Day 1 My eyes lit up
Embarrassment hid it away
If I had let it my heart would have flown away
It fluttered in my chest, my hands started to sweat
What was coming over me
Made me want to flee!

Raise the sails and red flags.
Fly the black flag under the moon
your advice I like the most
Is flee from doom and gloom.

Dearest Diary,
I have been lost without you
At my fingertips
My words get trapped
Behind my lips.

I get scared and confused
Without you by me
I itch for a pencil or keyboard
just to satisfy me

I get stuck in my head
like a prison cell
of my creation, my own hell

The hands that built the wall
are not the ones tearing it down
the hands that broke my mind frame
Are the ones causing me to drown

Time has healed most of my wounds
The scars are all I am left with
However, life is looking brighter
with every single breath.

He completes me, you see,
He sees me, you see
He frees me, brings glee
and hope back to me

The hands that fouled my mind
hold no power, any longer.
Because LOVE is the answer
to all of my questions,
and He answered every prayer
Every wish and  all I wanted.
The eyes that once haunted
my dreams - Are gone
Now my heart holds my song
I only wish each kiss were longer
each embrace just a moment stronger

I wish I could control the darkness
that was bought from Reverie
The doom and gloom
that once consumed me seems to flee
Whenever he walks in the room

Why does this keep happening?
Is this what I have searched for?
Does he hold the key, to every single door?
Am I trapped within a dream or a nightmare
or is this reality?

Reality on its own terms is something I have grown to love
Mainly because He shows me His grace that shines from above
etched in every smile from each of my children
the rolling hills the sound of love,
from glen to glen
and Den to Den

---------------------------------------
NOTE TO MY READERS:

Thank you for listening,
Patient reader as I grew from 13 and up
deciphering emotion, thought and feeling
leaving my mind reeling from pain
Leaving me feeling depleted at times

I never knew how far I'd fallen,
before your gaze fell on me.
My heart started to roar
loud, and thunderous, raging like the sea

I opened my eyes
and to my own surprise
there was no wing to catch me
No silver clad knight
awaiting in soft moonlight
meant to set me free.

I found my love
rifling through keys I had long forgotten
I thought it funny and a bit strange
that my heart may have grown rotten

I was wrong of course it hadn't blackened
as I had often thought
It was never stone nor made of metal
It is still open - just can not be bought

My heart had grown heavy
I had so much to carry
I felt much like Atlas at times
But, truly, I am still a faerie

A pixie, a sprite
a woodland delight
that is as carefree as can be
I still sometimes drown
in unheard sound
just whispers of Reverie

I love my own little world
but I am no longer a little girl
I have put away childish things

Reality seems to have fled
as the streets give up her dead
Hearts mourn as Fae sings.

His eyes burned me
His gaze transfixed
the first dance,
of apprehension

In circles we'd spin
on merely a whim
curiosity was loves invention

Looking for who we are
looking to who we've been
the keys to wisdom oft mentioned

Granted entry through weakness
or maybe strength of heart
the fear is the prevention

Bringing back things
I forgot I could feel
the heat, and the tension.

Translation is key
in prophesy
and also, it must be spoken

Young men and women
hiding gifts, God given,
because they think it makes them broken

United we stand
through times' sand
carrying but a token

One of affection
or one of affliction
or a secret we had awoken.

The realm of reality slips from the grasp
in the small hours of morning,
when the chill doth last.

When traveling through the night
by the waters raging,
you wish to see a light

There is always one to be found,
if you look sky ward
as you are oft bound

Walk, do not run, to the guiding force
that tugs at your heart
and through your blood, does course

Given to you from birth, a passage rite
belief handed down through generation
brings the clearer sight

Everything we were, and who we are
are an amalgamation
of our victories and scars.

I cover up how cold I feel with a warm smile
Slowly recede into my mind, and hide for a while
fear begins to creep in past my defenses
until the chill of it overwhelms my senses
I drive the dark interstate from thought to thought
disbelieving what I'm thinking, and the pain its wrought
I don't shed tears on the surface, I've taught myself other ways
I silently drown in my sorrow, pray, and wait for better days
So I'll let myself smile, or edify, to better hide my pain
as I sit within my mind, and slowly go insane
Tears are for people who let their pain escape
the pain within my brain rarely takes a shape
When it does, Its a slowly spreading darkness, it forms a raging sea
it drowns me deep within it, I choke on insecurity

Lets dance to the beat of our entwined hearts -
Until the song is done.
Lets sing in the shower of our affections -
and just let that shower run.

Life gives us but one chance -
To find the mate for our soul.
So hold on tight to me forever -
Because you make me whole.

You have mended a broken heart -
That to I thought there was no cure
Hold me tight for the rest of ever -
And know that my love is sure.

When you smile, My heart alights -
With an enduring flame.
It takes away my breath -
Every time you speak my name.

I hope that I am to you -
At least what you are to me
You are the last my heart will love
For only you hold its key.

He spoke in tongues of demons
That dwell within his mind
But could also converse with angels
in the tongues of their own kinds
And as you look into his eyes
and see not an ounce of faith
It had been taken from him
and thus he'd become a wraith
a wailing spirit longing
For heavens cool embrace
He wanted to find his peace
but fear was etched upon his face
He did not want rejected
for his heart could not bear it
So he wandered life in misery
Through God his sins were acquit
Sanity seemed to flee
And doubt replaced his love
And all the while he reached out
To his God above
Fear replaced joy
Had the demons won?
They stripped him of everything
would he be undone?
He wanted to climb out
of the hole that he had made
And every time he fell again
His heart would also fade
Love could reach down
and pull the man back out
if only he would grab her hand
and let her erase his doubt.
Peace, Love and understanding
Is all I want for him to have
To quell his anger, quench his thirst
and finally again hear him laugh.

Plucked from my roots
I whither
Crushed underfoot,
After being stolen
-for beauty's sake
Made worthless, garbage
For a moment of careless want.

That is not the end
just the start
the beauty in pain can be found
regain the strength
and let love abound

I had never known a love like ours
I never stopped to smell the flowers
I never took the time
Until I called you mine.

You brought me love, and life
You took my pain and strife
You gave me wings so I may fly
You gave me peace I can’t deny

I will walk with you forever
Through any lesson, or endeavor
I will be there, holding your hand
I will always understand
Thank you for the love you give

Life has spun me round and round
Picked me up, threw me on the ground
It tossed me here, and there
It never seemed to be very fair

I never asked for the life I've been given
I am just glad I got the chance to be living
I thank God every day for the ones in my life
Who make it worth it, who take away my strife

I used to get scared about whats around the next bend
But I am turning the corner and the fears at its end
I see the light, Its in my loved ones eyes,
I don't see regret, anger, or lies...

I see my children, and what God has done,
To bring me here, right now, with my daughter and sons
I see what my life is shaping and forming into
and I know what I am going to do

I was made, to be here with Him
I don't care about the past, no matter how grim
Because my future is brighter than the darkness
No matter its pitch, no matter how heartless...

God is stronger than the devil
on every single level..
So love is more powerful than the dark
Its a complex idea, yet so stark.

Clear and defining, in every way
Love will last til the end of days
This family I've been given
I've been forgiven
Because I forgave myself

You fill my mind with whispers of safety
You fill my heart with love abounding
You stand before me so bravely
Saying "Yes, I love You, I Do,"
Those words hold power,
I have never had trust in someone
Like I MUST have in you.
Because I gave you my broken heart
and you took my past, and had it undone
to mend it.. To defend it...

Now our lives are blended together
Two as one, now and forever
you are my light, my sun, my moon
My muse, my life, my dear...
You take away my fear.

Thank you for everything that you do
thank you for truly, just being you...
You took my broken heart, and made it whole
You hugged me, and brought back my soul...
You gave me the words to write on these pages,
So I give them back to you, and hope you accept

The love I capture in a glance
would fill an eternity,
The space between our hearts is nil
This love was purely the will of God
I know with certainty

A love to last the ages
told of only on a books pages
two become one, and grow old
That's not how the common tale is told

The story stops at happily ever after
But it doesn't recount the laughter
It doesn't show the baby, and the joy
It doesn't tell of a love, not even time can destroy...

It just says the end, leaving so much untold...
So I will tell the rest.
Our love to come is on blank pages
waiting to be written, and we will be blessed...

Thank you for your heart
I have mine as a gift for you
I'm sorry that its been shattered before, Its true
None the less, It will love you deeply, with every piece,

What did I think you were?
An angel in disguise?
What did you think I was?
A kid hiding behind her lies?

You took me in
under your wing
did you really know?
Did you know everything?

I was a child lost in the store,
You were the parent, sick with worry
You found me
With love, fear and fury

I love the friend I found in you
I love the person I am now
Because you had the faith
I know we will all make it somehow

Brother, You've been there
In my darkest hour,
You were the darkened hand on my shoulder
Behind the scenes, the cloaked power

You kept me uplifted
You kept me on track
I owe you my life
You've always had my back.

I was scared, I was hurt
I didn't understand the things you said
I didn't understand the anger you had
I had no idea how your heart bled

My life had just been wrecked
My mind twisted in ways it shouldn't
My heart was scattered across the world
My fears surrounded me
the darkness clouded my thoughts
I was plagued with nightmares
the stress was never ending.


Then, In a moment of blinding clarity
I saw your eyes,
they connected with mine from across a room.
That smile, that face, that light that shown
I wanted that light so desperately,
for my very own.
You had a meek assurance
that I had never known
a smile and a hug,
that said I'd never be alone.

I care not for my darkened past
In time they will all be forgotten
I care not for all those angry people
who had tried to turn me rotten...
Because in your love and grace
I find the pieces of my peace
and they all fall into place.

I wish you could walk through
the corridors of my heart
then  you could see,
where pain ends and love starts
It seems as though the love is spreading
to even the darkest of rooms
its leaving me with such a peace
as it flourishes and blooms

Now I see what the books meant
when my friends and authors spoke of love
I had never fathomed how wonderful it is
It is far more beautiful than what I could dream of

They said with true love, there is no fear
and for me that is the hardest thing
that I ever had to hear
I felt my self a creature of the darkest fright
and that I would forever be alone
to toss and turn through the night

That was until you opened my eyes
to what love was truly to be
and the nightmares that once haunted
were then dreams of you and me

My fear at times returns at night
and I awake almost in tears
but I know I just have to call to you
and you'll chase away my fears.

this love that you give me, unconditionally so,
is what makes you so amazing, it's sad that you don't know.
So I will tell you every day, until this voice of mine cracks,
that everything you are fixes everything I lack.
We are equals on this playing field, within this game of life.
I want to lift you higher, and take away your strife.
Together we will walk, forever hand in hand,
and laugh at the world because they couldn't understand.
They have never loved, near as deep as we,
and I pray one day I hope to show all that you mean to me.

You make the words flow from me like a river from my heart,
but you can stop the rush,
and leave me breathless with just a touch. Just thinking about your hand in mine,
sends shivers up and down my spine,
I think of all the times with my lips pressed to yours,
it seems as though something inside me cries piously for more.
I close my eyes at night, and its your face that I see,
Your smile, your eyes, these memories set me free.
though we are nigh 1000 miles apart,
I carry within my chest, the visage of your heart.
With the protective shadow of your loving embrace,
I know there is nothing that I could not face.
One day I know, I will wake up to your smile...
everything I go through now, will be worth it, in a little while.
So I will hold my breath, until again we meet,
so you can steal it away as you sweep me off my feet

We swim through the seas
With a southerly breeze,
That is this life, just searching.

Blindly reaching, fumbling
Loosing our way and stumbling,
Until we find the one who can save us

You stretched out your hand
And brought me to back to land
You put my feet on solid ground

Your touch opened my eyes
Even just out of surprise
That someone like you, loved me.

I saw galaxies and fire in his eyes,
as we spun in the dawning sun
I was rapt with the surprise

the strength of the pull was fierce

the fight seemed never ending
The gaze that he was sending
was making me weak

The shadow veil over his face,
could not hide his eyes from me
as the pieces fell into place
I could finally see.

What am I to you?
He is like a phantom to my mind
He infiltrates my thoughts and dreams
And silences my screams
with but a word.

The heat is searing through me
It washes over my skin, tingling...
like the warm sun in a southerly breeze
and yet, I freeze
I can not speak..
What did he do to me?

You came through my line today,
Your war torn face creased with the experience from the life you have lived,
with the sacrifices that you have given freely.
The freedoms you sacrificed for me to be free.

It was obvious in the pride in your stature if I asked if you needed help,
"No, I can do this" you said in a frustrated tone.
Others might have gotten sassy back, but I saw the meaning.
When your back straightened I saw the feeling.
When I turned and looked at the screen, that showed you on the camera,
I saw your shoulders slump, as if to say, I do need help, but I don't want it.

Your once strong hands fumbled with the card machine.
I turned and asked, "Sir, Have you ever been in the military?"
Your face tightened, but your back straightened again, your chest puffed out,
"Yes, as a matter o' fact I served in two wars." Your voice crackled with pride.

I warmly said thank you for your service, and you asked me if I ever served. I said, No I am a mother of three.
You said, "You serve your country every day, that is if you are raising them right, with the Lord."
"Yes, sir, I do my best" I reply with a shy turn of face.

What you did next shocked me. You clicked your heels and saluted me.
a tear ran down your face. I don't know what I did that struck the cord, but I did.

A tear fell from my eye as well, we shared a moment.

I told you politely that we offer a ten percent discount to veterans, and you smiled wide.
I helped with your card. Then a man helped you put the things in your car.

Humility, and Pride
Joy and Sorrow,
None should you hide
They make a better tomorrow
They all lead you right,
if in equal parts
They help you know when to fight
and when to use your heart.

in riddles and laughter
our minds entwine
as your eyes meet mine

And in the struggle to find my words
That have escaped my lips
something inside me rips

and out comes pouring my stories
That I've only wished to tell
you released me from my hell

I was burdened with lonely silence
terrified of the impending fall
but once I leapt from the edge
I wasn't scared at all

and in that moment
thoughts zooming in my head
my face flushes red

It seems my hands caught on fire
The moment that yours touched mine
Also then, I left all my fears behind

and that first kiss
will not be forgotten soon
Under light rain
And in the light of the full moon

now we walk hand in hand
Down the road together
Destined to share our path forever

everyday is different
Everything is new
Everything is wonderful
when I am with you

I feel loved

I wish that they could see it
I wish that they all knew
I wish they could see what I see
when I look at you

I see your love

I can see it in your eyes
I can feel it when you hold my hand
I can hear it in your voice
That you truly understand

I hear your love

I know that you love me
Beyond a shadow of a doubt
all my fears have been washed away
now I know that's what love is about

love is patient Love is kind
Your love is the only comfort I find

I feel your love

Loves about that first everlasting moment
and everything that comes after
about sacrifice and exchange
It's about joy, sorrow, tears and laughter

true love holds out forever
throughout every task, trial and endeavor

it's about being a witness to their life
And about being your best
So you are the best for them
And wanting to give them nothing less

love is patient love is kind
you cannot break loves ties that bind

You're my only love

raindrops strike the ground
in a rhythmic drumming sound
and all I can think of is you

you are my soulmate
the night on a swing sealed fate
light rain drops fell then too

while I lay in bed
just thoughts of you fill my head
the sound of raindrops come through

and when I wake
A shiver and quake
Because I fear my nightmare came true

I need your hand in mine
you still my busy mind
the way only you can do