Stewie

Stewie Dec 2017

Master Manipulator

You manipulated everything.
I wasn’t aware until it was all said and done.
Who is the fool now?

Looking back

#divorce #mad #manipulate

Stewie Dec 2017

Mother

The sun reminds me of my mother.:
Warm
Always around
Beautiful

And

F a r A w a y.

I miss you, mom.

#mom #sun #light #hope

Stewie Dec 2017

Night-call

I’m paralyzed.
The air is cold and all I can think about is how your lips felt on mine.
Static. Electricity.
You make me feel alive.
Like I’m 16 years old again and I’ve never been burned or jaded before.
You’re the perfect beginning to my new ending.

Stewie Dec 2017

You Are Alone

I am alone. A plethora of people will tell you that it’s impossible to actually be alone and that it’s just an emotion that passes with time. In all actuality, I am alone. I am alone in a town full of hopeless dreams and run down buildings. Where wrinkles encompass the faces of people who have traveled around the sun way more times than me. I am alone in an apartment in which the only communication I hear are my neighbors fighting next door or awkward shower singing through the shallow walls. I am alone at a job where I am ridiculed daily for my education, my gender, and my divorce. I don’t ask for anyone’s sorrow or empathy. I’m quite ok being alone because there is no one here for me to answer to. When I let the dishes crowd up in the minuscule sink. When I stay up late and read books on the balcony, flicking ash into the night wind. When I spread my feet and take up the whole bed while watching mindless television that floods my brain. I know one day, I will find that spark that will share in my life and dreams, but not today, and yes...

that.
is.
ok.

It's ok to not be ok.

#alone #lonely

Stewie Dec 2017

Mother

Today, the sun light rays tickled my face and I felt the warm light illuminate my soul. I closed my eyes and imagined the sun was my mother, wrapping me in her warmth and keeping me safe. It’s tiny moments like this that allow me to appreciate the fragility and beauty that is around me. Even though the sun only showed her face to me for a few brief minutes, it was a sign that happiness was to come. I smiled and waved as she snuck behind the fluffy clouds and in this moment, I felt like I was a child again.

-My mother is always around me

#sun #mother #mom #happiness

Stewie Dec 2017

broke.

There’s something beautifully romantic about tragic love.
I don’t understand why people say that two broken people can’t build a content home.
I search for people who have broken pieces like me,

And I found that in you.

Two lonely people can be alone together.
Two broken people can be broken together.
You make me feel like home in this desolate conservative town.

#tragic #love #broken #pieces #sad #alone

Stewie Dec 2017

Unsent Letter

Dear You,

I guess I have to accept the fact that one day you'll kiss different lips. I guess I have to accept that one day, you'll meet someone new and I will fade from your mind. You'll unfollow me on Instagram, or some petty **** like that, and at that time, I'll know that you have forgotten about me. I know I should move on. I won't lie. I've kissed other men, but none compare to you. They don't care like you did. They don't ask me what my favorite pizza is or where my parents grew up. They don't ask me what I think about love or if I ate today. The good morning texts are now long gone and I just want things to go back to the way they were. I'm sorry if I rushed things. I'm new to this whole single life and to be honest, life was so mundane before you entered into it. You became a gleam of hope and a ray of sunshine on my soft pale skin. Thank you for showing me what happiness is and can be. It was short-lived, but I will always remember you. I will always have a special place in my heart just for you. You created such high expectations for the next guy, that I am afraid I won't find anyone to meet them.
I wish it was you. I would've waited. I am patient. That's not putting my life on hold; you were worth it. I want to apologize for words that may have upset you or pushed too far. I want to stop crying. I want to get you off my mind. I don't know how. Can you tell me how you did it? Can you tell me how to move on like you did? Can you honestly say my name and see my face, and not feel an ounce of pain? I was falling for you. You kissed me and I felt electricity. You will always be the one that got away. It's true. You made me feel so beautiful.
I wish you so much happiness. You deserve the best. Please never settle. Find someone who loves everything about you. Find someone who supports your work and pushes you to do better. Find someone who has your sense of humor. Find someone who loves you just the way you are. I want that for you-more than anything, even if it can't be me. Find someone, that when you kiss her, you forget I even existed.
I'm forgetting what your voice sounds like and I miss your laugh the most. I still think about you before bed and when I wake. The sun doesn't seem so lovely to me right now. I don't smile on the drive to work anymore. It's not your fault. We met at the wrong time. You were always very open and honest with me. I'm just mad I guess. I'm mad at myself for allowing my heart to fall so deep.

And
I'm
Sorry.

Love,
Ash **

A letter I'll never send.

#sad #love #patience