only if you lean in close
can you hear the machines
beneath the sidewalk whispering

hold my hand and know that
my heart will always keep beating
as long as you keep on listening

who survived?
was it someone you knew?
if it was anyone else but you...
far away, a burning light
beckoning despite the night
unreachable, yet intimate

the speakers filled with music
surrounded by laughter and drinks
they spoke of was and when
what they wish and hope and think
varied topics came to abuse
and how it was hard to call the cops
but talking to your parents was the least that you could do

that's when he fell silent
with a thousand yard stare
an empty name with an empty smile
because there was no one there
stuck in thoughts he'd lost
buried beneath time
everyone has a crazy uncle
i was just left alone with mine
he noticed that they were worried
a genuine smile graced his lips
with plenty of time to ponder
no need to burden them with this
fleeting glimpses of memories
he's glad they'd never know
sometimes he's left alone
but they never truly go

i'm done with retribution
and delusions of revenge
i pray for restless sleep
i pray the ache to end
eventually it all comes flooding back
his hand upon my knee...
i'll never know what it meant to him
but i'll always know what it cost me

high noon and the world spins on a dry desert wind.
faith has abandoned me.
i have that feeling that i never wanted to feel again.
so yes, you're right.
always right.
i can feel the eyes watching me.
watching, but not listening.
why did they bother talking if they never really want to say anything?
i've always wondered that.
some days it's one way, some days it's another.
so here, take my hand and know that i'll never let it go
...and away we go.

she said "if only i was half as high, imagine all that i could see!"
i said "you could be anything you want, why are you living on your ******* knees?"
this ship is sinking and the captain is still here
buoyed not by faith, but paralyzed by fear
lost the memories that she'd always thought she'd keep
while i'm always missing the forest for the trees
and i never said that it was easy, or that i was proud of what i'd done
i've gargled six days with gasoline and still can taste the blood
i'd rather leave it behind and remember it as lost
i'd rather leave it behind and remember it as love.

a wise man once wrote
"to be, or not to be
that is the question"
that line
running through my head
scared of both living
and of death
fighting
finding
there must be a universe
where i took that last step
but it won't be this one
another chance
one last gift
on this, the holiest of nights.

everyone knows monsters don't exist
but that's wrong
they may not lurk under the bed
they may not dwell beneath the waves
they may not hide among the trees
but
they sit next to you on the subway
they cash you out with your groceries
they teach your children in sunday school
the world is full of monsters
they just hide it well
they do terrible things
because they want to
because they can
i know the world is full of monsters
because i am one of them

i smashed ever light
in my hometown
just in case you ever
thought about coming 'round
i stay inside
and keep my head down low
i'm alone and
it's everything i hoped for
i still write sometimes
of feelings and the in-between
staring at the ceiling
reminiscing on all the things we've seen
my soul is an island
the tide is rolling in
i'd rather drown, here on my own
than have to sing to you again

there are moments where we wish we could alter the past, but we cannot. we can, however, alter the future; and we must. there's value in a work-in-progress, but there's no respect in being remembered as a never-was. hear the seraphs cry, band together and march on! don't dismiss the ocean because the waves are thick. appreciate the waves, with their constantly crashing, breaking against the beach, one after another, towards infinity. with enough time, they will move mountains. can we not do exactly the same? when histories unborn ask of your contribution, what excuses will you make? what could you possibly say? that you mistook the concept of breaking for the finality of broken? that the effort lost meaning because you had nothing to say? you may not feel the blood pumping through your veins now, but you will certainly feel when it stops. don't allow yourself to be a tree, fallen, roots torn asunder from such resistance in the face of winds composed of change. if necessary, be the lightning that starts the spark that turns this stubborn forest to ash. if it won't bend, be sure it breaks! we are not intimidated by the scope of all this rebuilding. cherish such confidence. cry it from the rooftops. if actions speak louder than words, be the most deafening noise anyone has ever heard.

Let these words
be a song for the dead
Let the rhythm
instill life in their bones
Let us put out love
and they'll feel loved
Let it be a chain reaction.

recite aloud
your favorite verses
psalms ring out
with palms pushed tight together
infiltrate an empty church
find your way to the bell tower
weigh your faith
test the will of the people
swan dive suddenly
they'll never catch you
trust me
i've been through this before.

and the doctor asks me to come in, and I know something's wrong because he's crying, and everyone knows that doctors don't cry. he says "I'm sorry, we've done all we can, there's nothing left for us to do." and so I ask "how much time does she have?"
In the recovery room, I made a list of all the ways you're beautiful. It goes on and on, on and on, on and on...
That night I had a dream of an ascension to heaven. I had no delusions of permeance, but I did have a few things to say. I flung myself at the gates, and I cried, "you hide high up in the tower, deaf to those below! you plant these soiled seeds and you're surprised when it's all that you know! you walk the endless corridors, you climb those endless stairs, i hope those echoes haunt you, i hope you cry because there's no one there! she withers while you whittle, such struggle you'll never know, how can you claim such knowledge if you've never had to let such someone go? she was my silver lining, that child that you stole! my one and only chance, my temporary soul!"
Awakened by the beeping and my first smile in days; the I.V. drips, the days drag on.

I wrote you a letter and then left before you could read it. Now, I sit by the sea and wonder what you thought of it, and how you'd remember me. It's better this way. You used to tell me you loved me, before you had the chance to think twice. Now, all you can think about is the time that I've stolen, the love that I've wasted, and the mountains I made you climb. It's in your eyes. I promised you the world, that everything would work out. But, at the end of the day, you're right. You're always right. I'm a scab that should've been a scar by now. You might still be able to rekindle the spark in your heart; the spark that I stole and replaced with the emptiness in mine. You deserve the chance to try. Lord knows, I'll never give it to you.

no worthwhile revolution was ever started
by a company man
someone with a family and a healthcare plan and a hybrid car
things they just "can't risk losing"
someone afraid to live behind enemy lines
someone afraid to bring the war home with them
you can't rely on someone whose welfare
is engaged in the cogs of that same horribly machinery
bring me the broken and the desperate and the forgotten
only those who've been denied everything
they're the only one's free enough to do anything.

drag me down to the water and bury me with it. drowning, begging for breath; such sweet and stuttered cries, claiming that "yes, i'm breaking! like the waves upon this beach! please, don't forsake me! another chance is all i need!" you smile, "not even God could count your chances, i leave that burden for infinity! you're mistaken to lay claim to the concept of breaking for you've already broken! you sit too far outside my reach!" my eyes, as white and wide as the moon breathing down your neck. never say you never wanted this. never say you worried. never say it was anything but necessary. still, some nights, if you're quiet, hear me softly singing you to sleep.

the first time i had a panic attack
you told me to "grow up"
i trusted you
now it's half past midnight
and i'm all alone in this parking lot

if i'm being honest i'm
losing my mind
wasting your time
fearing the future
wondering if she's better off
or if it's worse for her

i've said "i'll change"
so many ******* times
read between the lines

i'm sorry that i can't get out of bed
i hate that my head is such a mess
i swear, i care much more than i show

getting carried away
only to get let back down.

1130 on a tuesday night
and she's crying
and it's holding up the line
fresh off the 2nd shift
of her 2nd job
3 items wait
instant cake mix
frosting
a package of candles
tomorrow's her daughters birthday
and her credit card has been declined
you stand in the line
with a gallon of milk
annoyed and confused by the commotion
wondering is there's ever been a time
on the clock that you've never seen.

if what you value
doesn't value you
it has no real worth

i don't know why but
you keep offering it everyday
i don't know why but
it tasted so much better before
candlelight or forest fire
these people will never understand
don't you ever get sick of waiting your turn?
don't you ever get sick of wasting your turn?
sink or swim
go away