Am I to late?
did I make it in time?
have you made a new vain,
from the vain within?

Have you colored yourself,
With that Crimson stain?
Can I help ease the pain?

If I made it then you will see,
that new lines are not needed,
when you are with me,
I'm here to help you,
just don't give up the fight.

Because those little silver lines,
they can't affect this heart of mine.

Rain plopping down down down.
Thunder cracking the air, with lighting the whip.
Crazy things happen when the storms all around.
be careful, don't slip.

Stress in speckles dot dot dot.
The tension in the air hums, yet it is so delicate.
Let the thunder ***** you not,
It is your friend indefinite.

Show the storm your stress,
rain will fall drop drop drop.
It will cleanse away the rest,
stress washed away from the bottom to top.

I love you

A little boy sits in his third grade classroom
He wonders why he hasn't any friends
He asks his mom
"Why!"
Why do they look at me like I am different
Why am I so alone

I love you

A few years later on the soccer field
A boy from the other team nocks him over
Instead of anyone helping him up
They all laugh
Even his own team.
He asks his coach the next day
Why no one helped him
Instead his coach walked away

I love you

Finnaly he graduates high school
Everyone around him is hugging and celebrating
Except the three foot radius between him and the nearest person at any time

Before he could leave though a girl walked up and hugged him
When she let go three years had gone by and she was in a beautiful white dress and the boy now a man smiled

I love you

The boy loved his wife
Every morning he called her beautiful
Every night he kissed her forhead before sleep
Even the day he got the call that his mother had unexpectedly passed away

I love you

The boy missed his mother
He he looked for her in the clouds
In the Bible
In the bottom of every bottle

I love you

Along came a day when his wife told him to stop looking and read
Three hours later she was packed and the divorce papers were signed

I love you

He cried that night
He missed his mother
He missed his wife
He looked to the sky and cried
"Father!"
Why am I alone
Please don't let this happen to me

I love you

That's all he heard
When he woke up he realized he was not alone
He had God to lead his life

You see when the boy asked his mother
"Why!"

Something special happened
That night he dreamed a life without
God

He soon learned God was always saying to him

I love you

He realized real friends aren't had
They are made threw life long experience

God placed the boy at a crossroads between

Love
And
Anything less

The boy now knew he simple had to chose love

He knew he could because
He was loved

I love you

if panic! at the disco
is just the store brand
version of fall out boy

(an open mic frank sinatra
impersonation with a forehead
and the emos are a classical
knife wound in pop culture)

then i am just the
store brand version
of who i used to be

looks about the same
tastes about the same
easier on your wallet
but something's a little off
and you can't
figure out what

but it doesn't actually
matter that much
it's just oatmeal

(i don't know why i
decided on oatmeal for this
it was just the metaphor
that came to mind)

and it will all be
gone by next week
anyway so

who actually
cares as long as
we've got some
kind of breakfast?

i bought ten scratched
albums at the thrift shop
and covered my white
pants in paint.

i  w a n t
t o  l e a v e

i'll be home
tomorrow night
and who knows
what i'll be missing

maybe him
probably not.

i've been writing letters
folding socks
drinking spicy
ginger tea but
what's really
wrong with me?

oil slick aesthetic
acne under the eyes
i wish this poetry
meant something more
than sadness
and a pretty word
but it's actually just
me thinking out loud.

showering twice a day
in this kind of drought
is not good
but neither am i

i  t    h  u  r  t  s

watch the words
fragment and break
apart so you can't
read them together

i  m    b  l  e  e  d  i  n  g

i've weighed and
weighted out my
options and all
the things that mattered
to me once just
don't anymore

s  u  i  c  i  d  e

i don't know
what i'm doing
or why or even
if anything is real

h  e  l  p
m  e

h   e   l   p

h    e    l    p

h     e     l     p

h
  e
   l
    l

     p

it's not that
i'm not sincere
it's that i don't
know how to
convey that i
actually care

(what a complex
color scheme
so bright and
busy on the mind
i can feel your eyes
picking it apart)

because i've
worked hard
to look like
i don't
worked hard to pretend
i don't need you to care

(and how my words
start looking
unconventional
formulated to seem
like something i
never was)

i wasn't
not really
it was just the
here's the thing
how do i say
tired?

(i don't think i'll
ever see you again
and i don't feel as old
as the others seemed)

i'm grateful
for your gifts
and kind words
i really am

(i cashed your checks
months before
hitting the post office
go ahead and
call me a
heartless *****)

just know that
i haven't
spent a single
cent of it

it's sitting in
my checking
account just
waiting and
wondering how
much of
my hospital bill
it will cover

(but if there's anything i can't
do that's blame you for wanting to
contribute to the side of my
personality that you never knew)

please put your money
where your intentions are
and you know what they say
about good intentions

(that the road to hades
is paved with them)

but they never did
mention which one
of us was heading
towards hell.

(shhh dear skin you're
safe and smooth now)

cornstarch feet
toothpaste running
through my hair
listen to the vinegar hiss

(shhh dear skin you're
safe and smooth now)

petroleum based
insecurity wrapped in
a greasy old bandanna
the stuff of family feuds

(shhh dear skin you're
safe and smooth now)

i know that i often
feel about the size
of the proverbial
postage stamp

but every steamed up
monday night i try
to convince myself that
i'm safe in my own skin

(shhh dear skin you're
safe and sound now)*

go ahead
choke me
in your eyes
strangle me
tangled up in
unjust judgement

i'm always told
that i'm too
critical
but spend any time
under my nails
and you'll start
to realize why
i'm cynical.