how could i ever go back
to a time before?

a time before you
and before hard love.
a time before my soul surfaced
from the darkness.
a darkness we created.
it wouldn't be fair to say it was you only.

it was you only i wanted.
it was you only i craved.
i yearned for your love
in my own desperation
and through my disposition
came depression.
anxiety.
self-doubt.

who was i before you?
who did i become with you?
who will i be without you?

we grow wiser with age.
so teach me-
reveal to me your knowledge.
three hundred rings my elder,
what have you seen?
what have you heard?
you stand strong
through all you’ve experienced.
teach me to stand the same.

speak to me,
i'm listening.

becoming the subject of a muse,
merely an object as the muse.
i see the discomfort that comes from
having your story told for you,
displayed without your consent.

i am the director of my own life.
i wrote you out of my script,
so leave your idealized version of me
out of yours.

the unsettlement i feel
to be spoken of so highly,
with a glaze of gold outlying my skin,
stuck to a pedestal.

i am not your trophy,
i will never be your wife!
your version of me
projected through the eyes of obsession.
infatuation.
did you see me as your possession?

and so here it lies.
here lies the irony of making you a muse,
to preach my uttermost desire
to be shed as yours.

The cosmic touch.
I was facing moon,
thinking, about the end of
universe and millions
of blue butterflies.

Someone didn't want to die
in snow-white shroud.
A severed hand
fires a gun.

How much was your timeless
wait? I may disappear
in the dots and dashes. Would you
be asking for courage to come?

The cruel realties. You
don't want to look back. The
weeping willow will not
stand *****.

The temple was waste
without a goddess of love.
The return of requiem
makes me sad.

Here’s the thing
I fell for you
I fell for you before you fell for me
I was head over heels
My heart flutters with every beat you pump
I look at your face and I see my happiness
I touch your body and I feel your warmth
With you the before’s doesn’t matter
With you it feels like another lifetime

To you,
My love