waking up in the middle of the night
struggling to breathe
searching for anything my eyes can find
noticing all the little statics of reality
this is a losing fight
and no one can save me
here, there is no individuality
sleeping is micro dosing death
and when i realized that
eternal slumber didn't worry me as much

She was a thrifted sweater and denim and jersey knit sheets
Pizza breath and red wine and toothpaste
Alabaster skin and knotted hair and freckled shoulders
A tangible dream and my favorite good morning
She agreed to let me kiss her and I agreed to let her slip my shirt over my head before she became
Blood and tears
"I trusted you" and "I’m sorry"
Midnight poems and a drunk "I need you"
I’m afraid I loved you like the way I wrote

il let you go -
for my soul was electric
to a love so poised.
a pagan to my chaos
il revive my reality
my intuitive denial ,

, we fade  like dust
my  ignition was  solace.
clenched with grace -
I diminished my pride ,
to savor your rejection,
was I too futile ?,

I am gullible to lies ,
yet you keep,  me secluded,

the pretense is coiled.

do we live for the sake of ourselves
or do we live for the sake of eachother?

You don’t decide who
Will make your heart race.
The corners of your lips just
Upturn so suddenly
That you only notice your smile
When you step forward and feel
The cement  pieces
Of a shattered frown
On the ground beneath your feet.