mommy loves you unconditionally
even as you soar amongst the clouds
searching for the perfect timing
to come on down
please, forgive my impatience
i just have this undying urge
to have you here
in my arms, clinging to my breast
as i provide you with life
and you provide my breaths

little one, shining so bright
come to me only when you feel it's right
the doctors tell me otherwise
and my womanhood is of questionable might
but i know you are as rightfully my child
just as i am the moon to your night

an infertile mother will forever understand
why so many letters are written to our unborn
with shaken hands
why so many tears have fallen
why you wonder it isn't your calling
to be given a life of other plans

but i know you hear me, little one
and i know you love me too
and i promise to better preserve my body
so that it may be the perfect home for you
until you are ready to bless me with your smile; the uniqueness that is true
everything i do, everything i aim to be,
every dream i work so hard to achieve

i do for you

so please, be slow and easy little one
mommy needs preparation too
just know this,
when you've become tired of waiting;
when you're ready for the world
and you're journey has come to the point of passing through
watch for flashing lights
and smiling faces
and tears of joy
listen for songs of love

because i'll be right there--
for i've been waiting too...

just for you.

Free yourself from worries
Make no room for doubts
Fear no more of what the future holds
Walk away from stress
Do not let insecurities eat you up
Unload all your self guilt feeling
Detach from all the negatives
For today is a new day -
A new beginning -
A fresh new start -
Jump start your day
Filled with hope
That everyday is going to be
The best day of your life.

It is with an emptiness in my throat,
a riptide in my stomach,
and needles in my heart
that I write this today.

I fear you might find out,
I fear you might realise,
I fear you might explode,
and I am terrified that you will leave.

If you happen to chance across this,
while actualising your thoughts into words.
Feelings and emotions I wished you share with me,
that you so easily convey to a machine.

If you could see through my eyes,
you would never feel insufficient again.
And so I beseech God to rid my mind of you;
a mind that is welcomingly plagued by your presence.

A mind that personifies hypocrisy;
as I read your writings about a boy,
wishing they were about me
but they are not.

And yet I still keep going back.
Hoping to find my name in your words one day.

Do you wait for him?
Eternal confusion.
Wondering where he is.
Is he wandering?
If he knew would he care that his actions eat you to the core?
Blinkered by the fantasy.
Strangled by the truth.
Unable to act.
You have fallen before.
Did you wait for him?

Didn't know how
Absolutely clueless
Eagered to find out
Relied on my guesses
Emptied  my doubts
Left'em behind
Loving her til'
Eternal life of mine
Time won't hinder
Now and forever
On every pain I'm suffering
Comes with me realizing
How I started on the first place
Enlightened that you are my blessing

I need me in order to be happy
Without me, I am lonely
I believe in me and I
I would never let me cry

If by any chance,  that time comes
My shoulder are for me to cry on
I'm here and always here for me
To make me smile like a champion  

Being with me is the best moment
In my life that I long for
To be with me is all I want
Together, we'll be lonely no more

Summing it up is not that hard
No worries for I have a way for me,
To understand this, i want me to do
Except this line, replace "me" with "you"