Dear Dad,

I'm sorry for not being faithful to you.
I'm sorry that I defy your teachings
I shouldn't have done what I did
I should have stop when I can
Now I can't turn back
Not on my own that is.
I'm asking for your help
Please save me
From the chains that I put myself into
I want you back in my life
Please show me the way
I have shattered heart
filled with the stains of Sin
I hated my Father
He has scared me in many ways
I forgave him and showed him
Love and Mercy
Yet he just stepped on it like dirt
In every morning I'm afraid
to hear the sound of his sinful entertainment
to hear and see what he is doing
It was awful, disgraceful and makes me feel furious
but the only thing I could do
Is to shut my eyes, plug in my earphones and cry
hoping that the sounds of music
can drown the dark torn that is piercing my heart
I hated him, I despise him
But God..
He is my Father
and I love him
I don't want him to go to hell
I don't want to go there either
So God please hear my prayer
I humble myself to you
Truly I am not worthy to be in your presence
But I beg for your mercy
Please forgive our sins
Cleanse us from inside out
Clear our hearts from anger and lust
and make us see your ways
Help us to live by them
And give us courage to never go back
to this darkness that clouded our mind
lured us so far away from you
Fill us with your Holy Spirit
and help us to honor your every word
not for my family, not for my Pastors
but for you, my one and only Father

Jesus..
Here is my life
Take it as a living sacrifice
Mold me according to your will
and May you be seen in every corner of my heart,
in every corner of my home and my family

This I write and humbly pray
in your name Father
Jesus Christ, Amen.

Love has always been my greatest Passion
Expressing it in many ways to support everything and everyone around me.
I've always felt that I needed
to be strong, to be consistent, to be right and.. to be okay
Specially in front of my love ones.
But there are nights when i'm alone
Sitting or laying in bed
Staring at the walls or at the ceiling of a room
Its as if all the insecurities, worries and fear
comes crushing down my mind
Like a rushing waves that strikes my heart
Its eating me alive
--------------------------------------
Many says, "it's okay not to be okay"
But they don't know the struggles within
Those awful moments, that you just couldn't bear
You want it to stop,
you kept on doing things, just to keep your mind off of it.
But in the verge of everything going right, you feel empty yet full of regrets and pain that you don't even know where it comes from.

SHE:

" wind,  oh sweet and flowing wind
hear my heart that begs for thy love to hear
dearest letters that was kept for years.
I trust thee to send it warm and clear. . ."

HE:

" Swiftly whistling, warmly whispering
does the wind flew through my ear
hearing my love sending thy notes
that carried warm feelings that is ever so dear. . ."

There is no safest way to face your own darkness and pain
Running from it won't help, it will always catch up to you one way or another
Hiding from it will only eat you up inside, for its the silent parasite that pretends to be passive
You are a lot stronger and braver than you think
You are beautiful and wonderfully made
You don't deserve to cry all your life, you are much precious than that
Pain and sadness is Only a "part" of your life, its not the whole picture
Identify the things that is keeping your from being happy
Bring it to the light by laying it all down through a prayer
For only God knows your heart better than anyone
You don't even have to say a single word for he knows what you need
He Loves you more than anyone could ever love you
For his Love surpasses all understanding
He sees you beyond your failures, your pain, your regrets and incapabilities
For in His eyes, your are always "Enough"

I saw your eyes that day
so focused, so pure, and so much passion
At that very moment
I thought I heard a heartbeat
beating... beating...
drawing closer to mine

and as you stroke that paint brush,
as you breath in a silent way
I can hear nothing but
the beat of your loving heart
beating... beating...
same time with mine

The wind blows my hair
and the yellowish street light
glaze upon your eyes
and I can't stop myself
looking at you, looking at
those sparkling brown eyes

Since then I always wanted
to see you, be near you
hear you, and to talk to you
wondering if you could be mine?
Then one day... you told me
a joke that I can't ever forget...



"kim, I have something to tell you..."



"I love you,... can you be mine?..."

People say so much
yet they hear so little
But if you hear so little
how can you say so much?

Words are kept for a reason
yet even knowing that
people always manage
to spill them out

Is this the weakness humans
are born with?
Or is it just the attention
people love so much
that they tend to forget
the trust enclosed with each words

Harsh and frank as I may seem
but being this kind of person
makes you no better than
a murderer who stab and leave
their victims cold dead on the street.

Wake up people!
You are not created to be like this.
You are more than capable
to BUILD rather than DESTROY

Bakit kaya ganun...
Nasasaktan ako kahit hindi dapat

Gusto ko umiyak...
Ngunit pawanag naubos na ang mga luha

Hahakbang pasulong...
Subalit tatlong tapak paurong

Pipiliting ayusin ang lahat...
Pero pawang gumuguho at mas gumugulo lang

Don't i deserve better...
Don't i deserve to be loved..
Don't i deserve to be happy without ever being afraid of failing again..

All I wanted was a Hug

A kind of touch that doesn't need words
nor does it need to know
Just ask me the right questions
and it will all pour down
like an endless waterfall of pain and regret
from the depth of my soul
that no one could understood
not even I
so what's the point of asking if

All I wanted was a Hug

How can I hate something
So much
when I never really
had it?

Like when two best friends
love each other but
hide it because they
value their friendship

Or when a mean popular boy
picks on a school newbie girl
then ended up
falling for each other

Then also there was this girl
with mean sisters and a stepmother
but found her happy ending
in the arms of a man
whom she just met in a dance

And how can i forget
when some girl fell inlove
with a man in just a glimpse of a sight,
then they eventually got married,
had children, and grandchildren,
got old together and died together
still holding each other's hand

suddenly I stop
staring into space
inside my room
and ask myself

What is my story?
Did I even had one?

I started feeling pain
right at the center of my chest
and tears just fell from my eyes
because at that moment I realized

that ...my life is empty

and as much as I like to blame others
really I DO!
a great big wall just crashed me
with one single hit saying


ITS ALL MY FAULT

I am not a writer
nor am I something great
but all I know
Is that I loved you
even from far away

How I wish it was me
you wrote that song to
Or it was my hand
that cuddled you

How I would turn back time
just to say I Do

Ever had that time where,
You stop in the middle of a movie
Because you realize
It ain't real...

Then you close your TV
Or your book with that
Same old love story
Leaving you
with that ache,..that pain
right between your heart
as you close your eyes
tears suddenly fell by
Because all you can remember is
It ain't real...

Its never been real
It never happened
Not to me that is.

Every Disney movie
Always end in this illusion that
"They all live happily ever after"
But actually they didn't
They never did

Because life is filled with
Lies and mistakes
There's no escape to it
Or detour to avoid it
you just simply have to
endure it

Pain and despair is meant to be felt
Hiding it will only make it worse
Because piling it up, makes your load
That... much... heavier

Then one day, you'll find yourself
Hating everything around you
Text, pictures and even food
Nothing makes you happy anymore
Nothing...

But then again,
For all you know it

I ain't real

When you see the wrong things
and you know that person has no ears
don't even bother to otter a word
Its useless

Its hard to speak...

College brings you knowledge
yet gaining too much is called PRIDE
this is what some teacher say
in their eyes and in their minds

Its hard to speak..

Parents love their children
yet when they speak they won't listen
instead they call it REBELLION

Its hard to speak...

Friends talks here and there
rumors coming from everywhere
and when you know the truth
its like they are the lions
and your the prey

Its hard to speak

Man-made Laws are made to correct us
but how can we correct the Laws

Its hard to speak..

More and more words are cut down
days gone by and fewer words die
little by little they shutter
and one day someone will just cry

Its hard to speak...



To end this short group of words
that many see as a mindless maze
Hear me out...




Yes its HARD! but it's NEVER impossible.

I will keep silent
even after hearing bad rumors
so no one could get hurt
nobody but me

I will keep silent
in the midst of your anger
so i could hear you
more than i hear myself

I will keep silent
in facing my own fears
so no amount of worry
will touch your happy cheers

I will keep silent
even in the banks of my death
so i can only feel your love
more than the pain of regret

just remember...
whenever i keep silent

I'm simply just saying...


I LOVE YOU

I'm Fed up trying,
I'm fed up listening,
I just wanted some Space
I am not perfect
and surely I'm not a saint
but here me when I say this

"I am only in Pain"

I don't need your words
nor do I need your pity
their just empty garbage
from the mouths of the City

You say you really care
but all I feel is Air
for your satisfied with just one click
boasting that you already "Shared"

Do you even bother to listen
to the silent words of pain
that one might be enduring
because of your selfish gain

There are days that I forget myself
Who I was, or what am I supposed to do..
Its as if I'm in an autopilot
Just doing what I do
Yet when the night comes
The tears falls too..

What's wrong with me?..

Ang hirap naman
Ilang oras, ilang araw
Ilang taon
ang kailangan kong bilangin
Ang kailangan kong antayin
Ang kailangan kong tiisin
Makilala ka lang...

Talagang bang ganito nalang
Gabi-gabing nangangarap
umiiyak, nangungulila
sa mga yakap na ni minsan
di ko naranasan..

Mga luhang laging umaagos
mula sa lalim ng pagsumamo
sa taong di mo alam
kung darating paba sa buhay mo

... (sigh) pagod na ko
pagod na pagod na ko

Poor little bird
trap in a cage
singing her melodies
to hide her rage
No one can see
her heart in misery
all they say is
she's so pretty

A prayer is like a Melody
without it there's no harmony. . .
you can go sharp or flat
and lose something you once had. . .

Let notes of GOD be your choice
and make music instead of noise. . .
Through this melody you can speak
and he will listen without a peek. . .

It can be done in many ways
like singing in to praise
Or chanting with eyes that glaze
because spirit and soul engage. . .

Please hold on my friend
all our problems will soon end. . .
Don't fill your heart with worry
for the hand that hold us, is HOLY.

What If one day
I Die
Would you cry for me?
Would you be happy that I'm gone?
Would you be free from the burden that I've caused?

Because to tell you honestly
I'm tired...I'm so... so tired of
Me being me
because being me is what you hate,
Its what stresses you out, and,
Its what you don't need in your life.

A burden, A mistake, A failure
Whatever I do... these words
are solid written in my face.
No amount of achievements,
accomplishments or solutions
can change your way of seeing me this way

Sad it may seem.
I can't change what you think of me
trust me, I tried, I tried so hard.

smiles
this six letter word...
how come it means so much?

does it mean...
happiness?... joy? ...gladness?
does it mean only these things?

I'm afraid often now
smiles are used for other purposes
to agree... to inspire...
to manipulate... ... to Hide.
when did it become so hard to smile
To tell you the truth, I don't know either

smiles with ease now for me
is just a mere memory of what
is once a beautiful thing
me, my friends & my family shared
before.

I may have smile now
but its surely different.
not like before...
everything then was so...
bright, colorful, calm, and  easy
when did it become so dark and lonely

smiles ... smiles ...  smiles ...
would you please...
bring back...
my smiles

SPACE is ...

Somewhere I can be
Peacefully contented with my thoughts,
Analyzing whats wrong and whats right,
Correcting my own arguments and pride,  
Easing my heart from the pain inside.

Ever felt like your
Living your death..

Everyday is just drag
An endless road
Of pain & suffering
from the bad choices
that you didn't even made

It just happened..

You tried to fix it
Everyway you can
But somehow...
something..or someone
manages to crush you
back down...
and they don't even care..

All you have is your words
Trap inside your mind
emotions piercing
each and everyday into your heart

The person inside you
Lives no more
She wanted to shout
She wanted to get angry
But she is too shattered
too tired..
That the only things she could do
Is cry..

"I want my life back! "

Close your eyes little one
Nothing will harm you now
Trust me,
Not while I'm around

As I rock you to sleep
I can hear your heart beating
Beating same time with mine

Fear not little one
I won't let you go
For I love you
More than you'll ever know

Soon you'll grow up
Enjoy the wonder of it all
Just remember, I'll always be here
Even if you fall

Breath softly little one
As I sing you a lullaby
Sending you to a land
Where there is no goodbye

...I love you

...God is always here

Sweet dreams my little one

On that day, you were with me
under the universe's eye and the moon's light;
You held my hand as you stare through my eyes
humming a sweet song for our hearts to jive;
Under a gazebo with stary lights on the trees,
bringing me warmth and comfort everywhere I see;
You said every inch of me is beautiful. that
I should never change who I am;
Then softly you touched my cheek and kissed me
so gentle yet so passionate;
A tear escaped from my eyes as you confess your love,
for I don't know why out of all people, you picked me;
Yet all I felt at that moment is that I love you too,
Your the only person that can make my heart
beat so fast yet so slow, at the same time;
Many people hate me for you, yet you
leave them all just to be with me;
Then suddenly you kneel on one knee
and ask me to be your wife;
all kinds of emotion overwhelmed my heart
With uncontrollable tears I replied...



... Forever babe...

Just when you thought
that "Silence" is the answer

Its not...

Its only the beginning
Of endless thoughts and regret

Don't fool yourself

For silence is a lot different
from Peace.