It is easy to escape

From being

What we actually

Are

But,
One day

You will

Bounce back to

What you really

Deserved to be

I feel I'm ******* it up
As I always do
I feel I give too much of it
And get nothing back from you

Another heart
Another wound
Another year
Another you

I feel I'm ******* it up
As I always do
I feel I'm pushing it too far
And lose my strength
And lose my step
And lose myself

In another glass
Another smoke
Another town
Another joke

I feel I'm ******* it up
As I always do
I feel I stop thinking and naked
My mind is open for you

Another name
Another wish
Another talk
Another dish

I feel I have just lost a battle
As I always do
When I'm not self anymore
And all I once had is hidden in you

Another thought
Another scratch
Another glass
Another match

I now feel all my dreams crumble
As they always do
I feel I have no power left
For neither to make it true
For neither to make it full
For neither to share with you

Another glass
Another smoke
Another brain
And heart to choke

I feel I'm ******* it up
As I always do
When no power felt in me
To open eyes and start to see

The same old me
The same old sky
The same old dream
Coming alive.

With one night stands and sleep arounds
the social stigma is reduced to grounds
that begin with coffee one malnutritioned morning
and end with morals being left at the pound
independence isn't what anyone has found

I try to ask you how your day is going
but the bravery slips from my lips
and I am worried those are not the right words-
all I can muster up the courage to say is whats up?
I tip-toe around your emotions like this is minesweeper
waiting for any move I make to make you explode-
but it seems the only thing I'm sweeping is my mind
in an attempt to rack yours.
Am I yours anymore?
Because these days all seem to blend together
and I try to avoid the explosions
but they seem to come anyways
always hiding behind passive aggressions
and misread text messages
because you don't like texting
so I tend to keep quiet.
Try to stay silent as long as I possibly can
but with every good thing that happens I want to turn to you
and every bad thing, I want to run to you.
Is that a crime?
Am I a nuisance for sprinting to you with my issues
and am I naive for thinking
that you would welcome them with open arms.
I feel like this is high school again-
because I think that was the last time
I was actually scared to talk to someone..
See my heart beats out of my chest for you
but it seems everyday I am struggling
more and more to keep it beating less
because I am an anxiety ridden mess already
and not telling you about it makes it worse-
trying to make you understand makes it worse-
you not believing I can't control it makes it so much worse
and these things I wish I didn't go through
I ******* do
so why should I have to keep them from you?
BOOM.
Another bomb dropped at my feet
and all I can make out is the ringing in my ears
I'm so ******* tired of not being me..
I just warily wait in the corner for another explosion these days
and you keep telling me to talk to you
but the words come out muffled and I am flustered.
I'm not sure how to explain to you
if I can't over-explain it or make it a big deal
because these things, to me, are a big deal
I'M A ******* BIG DEAL!
I am the bomb ready to explode,
I am the snake in the grass nipping at your ankles-
I am the ******* 4am phone call crying for help.
And I am worth every single ******* star
in the entire universe because I shine just as bright
and provide you with a way out of your own darkness-
so ******* treat me as such.

Those who go to bed early
Look forward to tomorrow
Those who dread the coming day
Stay up until they can see the sun
Just to make sure they'll make it.

I've been running until I can't breathe
Until my lungs are on fire
I've been moving until I can't feel my feet
Until my heart screams in surrender

I've been trying to escape
All the ghosts and ghouls that haunt me
I've been wishing to erase
All my fears and all my memories

I've been hoping to leave behind
The people I once thought I knew
I've been convincing my mind
That it's time I withdrew

*i've been running

A box.
Wondrous toy for a child.
Memories lost for an adult.