i do not remember my name.
who i was, or from where i came
lost at sea
a sea of other forgetfuls
grey,
numb,
devoid of light
lifelessly ambiguous
yet black and white

listlessly wandering
to nowhere, from nothing

life has not been easier,
i have only felt more numb
and feel nothing but pain
therefore feel nothing

humidity or tears?
the ink streaks of red are streaks of blood
both have become worthless;
its value inflated;
i no longer come up to breathe

i don't care where we go when we die,
as long as its away
somewhere warm, somewhere lovely,
somewhere with the light of day

yet here i lay every night
dreaming of the dream
dreams wild
dreams stupid
dreams that will never come true
those dreams have chained me
and now i am here

prisoner of my own dreams
who is to save me?

home is lie that was made by the government
that they put in photos and show in the screens
white picket-fences, sunlit rooms,
because in the end you come home to nothing
homeless, homeless,
lonely again.

w h a t  w a s  t h e  p o i n t  o f  s t a y i n g  a l i v e
i f  e v e r y t h i n g  i  l o v e  e i t h e r  l e a v e s  m e  o r  d i e s ?

please, dont take my home
please, dont take my friends
dont take away my happily ever after
as after that is when the story ends

a miracle,
the jackpot,
the peak of all possible luck
if i were to have it taken away
then why did i even give a ****?

has all my pain gone worthless?
has all my anguish turned void?
does anything i do even matter anymore,
or is my fate one to be toyed?

so let me stay!
let me be!
i dont want to go!
i dont want to leave!

so many other people are begging for change
yet change has happened to me!

my brain,
it wants to make.
to invent,
to compose,
to configure,
to create,
all it wants to do is make.

as for me,
i want to be happy.
but i am not so foolish,
and i am not so wise,
so i study,
for good grades,
and blanket myself
in more lies.

"college isn't necessary",
is this some kind of joke?
"money can't buy happiness",
well i'd rather not be broke

but what hope is to worry
when i'm not in control?
why bother planning for futures
if we dont know how they'll unfold?

as with regret comes pain,
an inescapable pain.
but it is not "if", but "what."
how will life decide to play?
do i listen to my logic or to my gut,
will i die tomorrow or today?

as for me,
well,

my brain,
it wants to make.
to invent,
to compose,
to configure,
to create,
all i want to do is make.

science is all about mistakes

both making them,
and feeling like one too

If you ask where's my house
I'd give you my address
But if you ask where's my home
I'd fall into in your arms