it’s 2:15 am and I don’t really know where to go
you are asleep on the other end of the line
it’s been a while since what we said felt like it mattered
because now we are all about the hollow spaces

I can hear the cars passing by outside
and I keep thinking of how we used to be in cars going to each other
but now even if you aren’t that far from home
I know that it will be a long time before I can reach you again

fissures on the surface of my soul
are you afraid that you will break me?
rope burns and bleeding hands
are you afraid that I will let go?

sometimes I think of the very first time you smiled at me
there was no way that you could have known
of the rains that I could bring into your days
of the imminent destruction I could bring

and yet you held me like all of the hope in the world was within me
you loved me as if everything would really be okay
but it’s 2:30 now and I know that you’re not going to stay
and how can I blame you when all along we have been in ruins?
but for now I want to drown in yesterday
thinking of how we painted colors into our own sky
remembering what it felt to have the stars to ourselves
knowing that the hours with you were never hours I lost

my thoughts will scratch my mind raw, this I know
you were a boy of the flower fields and the moonlight and of late-night words
and all I am is a girl who is haunted by her own musings
your light does not need my shadow