(Children's poem)
I'd like to sit
still and serenely
But I can't
I'm the Queen Bee.

A Queens work
is never through
there is always
something to do.

I'm laying eggs
and filling cells
and letting out
my secret smells.

I make sure
the hive is clean
and not littered
with perils unseen.

I caught Veroa
the other week
glucoside syrup
fixed me a treat.

But all of this
has its cost,
Oh! How I wish
I was born a wasp.

© Pagan Paul (16/06/16)

About a year ago I did a bee-keeping course. A week or so later a friend challenged me to write a children's poem. A couple of weeks later these two experiences collided in my head and this poem spilled out.
Its educational in so much as children can ask about certain things in the poem and a teacher can then explain them. Thus explaining how bees and hives work and interact, the many secretions beside honey that they produce etc.
Poem was published on www.bee-the-change.org.uk

preface: this isn't cohesive, and it's mostly a side effect of having too much free time while stuck in traffic - lots of thoughts can pop into your half-awake head when you choose to start your 1 hour, 45 minute commute at 5:30 every morning and 6:30 every night.

these are some of those thoughts:

how many car accidents and concussions will it take for me to just move closer to where i work? apparently, more than five.

driving on a california freeway, especially in the rain, is like getting a free ride on the world's most dangerous slip n slide. or like playing roulette and praying you and your precious car you have had since high school don't fall victim to the misfortune of a collision or sink hole or only clear radio station being the one that won't stop playing adele songs that compel you to hit up your ex boyfriend again.

but you're a smart driver who doesn't text on the road or date men from new jersey anymore.

i like to map out new ways to tell my family that i'm actually kind of really gay because they've been having a really hard time accepting that, despite the fact that i've tried to make it as blatantly obvious as i could by dressing like chandler bing from friends, dying my hair rainbow, and listening to more fleetwood mac than any straight girl should.

i have even walked up to my mother and outright asked her, "hey, what's it like having a gay daughter?" (not that it should be any different than having any other kind of daughter), and she said, "i don't have a gay daughter", and i'm like, "oh my god, mom. yes, you do. she's 5'8", looks just like me, and is constantly talking about how gay she is."

a lot of people have given me unwarranted "advice" on how to make myself more appealing for jobs or romance, and i'll mull it over in the car, but not for too long because women aren't empty suggestion boxes just waiting for your input.

if anything, i'm more like the receptionist at the DMV. i'm only listening to you a third of the time, and the other 2/3, i wish you weren't there to bore me with your problems because it's not my fault that you need to pay off a ticket you got for texting your ex boyfriend from jersey.

people in college frequently asked me "what are you?" and i never really knew how to respond because i wasn't clear or pleased about the question's context or purpose. i would half-seriously respond with "i'm a sophomore" or "i'm a capricorn" or "i'm a sociology major who just realized gender isn't binary and taco tuesdays are a real and exciting thing".

i knew that being ethnically ambiguous meant i would be subjected to guessing games, but i thought if people didn't know what you were, you could dodge judgment and racism. but no, i actually just found myself treated like an ice cream flavour people had never heard of or tried before and weren't sure how they felt about it.

and i, myself, had been in this phase of dating exclusively white men for years, and it only recently occurred to me that that was probably because subconsciously i knew: "this is the closest i'll ever be to having white privilege".

then, i started working in schools where almost all the students were black and brown, and for the first time in my life, i saw myself in people around me.

small people, people in progress, with big brown eyes and clenched fists that i would spend months prying open

with love.

enough love to raise a hand,
hold a pencil,
braid my hair on days when it was so frizzy
- "oh my god, miss sangha, let me do it"

up until then, i had never chosen to be brown or queer or a woman. not until my students demanded i learn spanish because i already got the skin tone, now i just need to learn the language. not until my students asked me why the school made them line up boy girl, and one of them started the third line with pride that took me nearly a decade to find myself. not until i stopped letting people label me an angry bitch just because they lacked the vocabulary to say "wow, jaswin, you have really assertive leadership skills and i'm going to respect you and the space you take up and not at all be threatened or bothered by the fact that you have two X chromosomes to the point of harassing you to make my insecure self feel better."

i became someone who got "do it for the kids" tattooed on the left side vein that leads to her heart, someone who chooses her students every day to the extent of being terrified of having her own kid one day because if she can love someone else's child that much, her heart might just burst from locking eyes with someone whose existence she is actually directly responsible for.

clearly, i'm not going to let a little traffic slow down that kind of radical love.

2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

In the gleam
of the morning sunrise
i saw the blooming
of the seed of faith;
strength to live
another day,
peace to let go
of yesterday,
for the journey ahead.

I am blessed
going in and going out;
wherever I go
I carry the beauty-mark of success
eternal happiness
because I believe
I am blessed
because you love me
I am alive
because you touched me

And eventhough
it may not be an easy road
i recognize
that you are here with me,
there to guide my eyes to see,
hold my hand and lead me
through treacherous trail of every trial
until I get to promised land
of milk and honey.

I am blessed

This was custom poem I did for one of my twitter followers. Currently I am raising money to study abroad in China or Africa. In honor of my academic achievement during graduate study I have been nominated to participate in the Laureate International Scholar Program, a program in which you study international relations and diplomacy in either China or Africa. I have started a gofundme page to raise the money I need to go and as a thank you for any donation I am offering to write custom poems. If you are interested and would like to know more information about the program and trip I will leave the link to my gofundme page below! If you decide to donate make sure to comment with your email address and the subject of the poem you would like and I will email you one. I appreciate any help! Thanks in advance!! Also if you could share the link on your social media outlets that would be of great help as well.


Exams are full of Botheration
Dad asking Explanation
Mom's high Expectation
So let's make Resolution
Quit Education
And Start Cultivation

Jai Jawan Jai Kisan

#mom   #dad   #education   #exam   #cultivation  

Oh melatonin
I cannot sleep without you
whisk me off to dream

The place where thoughts halt
my head has not stopped racing
for twenty-one years

and I doubt it ever will
#poem   #poetry   #future   #haiku   #sleep   #thoughts   #education  

Feeling the thrum of ignorance and bliss warm my veins
and the cadence of rebellious refrain guide my steps
I can't imagine feeling any worse or better than I do right now.

Drunk poetry, lol, so probably not good, or even poetry. Whatevs.

When I was a youngster
It was too easy to trust
Older now, I’m choosy
And I feel I must
Pay attention to what
Folks say and what they do
Those who would abuse me
Must prove themselves true.

As I grew I noticed
How much was said was false.
I started then to learn
I had to learn the calls
Of those who were being
Just socially polite
And those who were cheaters
I saw that was not right.

But even the most polite
Of carefully chosen untruth
Seemed a bit off kilter
To the a questioning youth.
I learned I should never
Admit a dress made girls fat.
And I learned one could not
Call someone’s kid a brat.

But I never have gotten over
The strong public insistence
That I ignore their crimes.
To that I still feel resistance.
So, I can’t agree with anyone
When voted into public office.
I find myself being very hard
When so many of them are pompous.

I know I will never agree
To hate people who are different.
I guess the day I was born
I didn’t come with that equipment,
And even though friends
And family sought to teach me
How to be a bigoted jerk,
The lessons didn’t reach me.

Here I sit in Greek Lit. clas;
The lecture's very dull.
This Greek ythology will neer
Sink into my skull.

Of Agamemnon is the talk,
And good Odysseus too,
That things that Clytemnestra did
Should really make me blue.
But somehow I just cannot seem
To get lost in this plot.
I just won't try to stay awake,
That's asking such a lot.


Written in the actual class at college and I DID fall asleep.

I do not write to be cruel
I write to survive

I've seen what work mental illness makes out of people.
Self harm, drugs, drink, sectioning, suicide

Write to make sane the insane world
To ponder out the life I have lived
Tis better on paper, than on skin.

Tis better to be writing than hanging.

I want to leave my mark on this earth
With words.

Words enlighten, words frighten
Words teach, Words fight

You taught me my words
Now let me use them.

And lets hope I will reach 30
For if I don't, least you may have my words
When all else is gone.

#suicide   #self   #harm   #illness   #death   #mental   #knowledge   #family   #education  

In a city of gold
Lies a forest
Though quite old
It is my nest

Upon the wind
My name is sung
A hand they lend
When life stung

The sun shines
Through the leaves
Erased are lines
Allowing growth of seeds

Down the road
You'll find the lake
Beauty, the sky showed
A new day to awake

This is where passion burns
This is where birds sing
This is where a student learns
This is what Lake Forest is

Lake Forest College
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