I’m lost in the echoes of closed lips
The words right on the cusp
But are never allowed to breath
For it would be too painful

In a forest of lies
I search for my home
The place of safety and comfort
That has been lost long ago,
Or may have been imagined

The tall walls of enclosure
And surrounding views of grey
Now ring in my mind as suffocating-
There is no joy in serving a sentence
When no crime has been committed

Here I sit on a Tuesday afternoon
Alone in an empty shell
Searching for my roots where this began
But I find nothing of interest
And say my farewell
So I can keep searching for a place to call *home

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the ****** and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to ***** up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills.

I can see it in the way you look at me
And sense it in the way
You try to comfort me
The longing that you hold
And words left untold

I know your body from
Being compelled, caught up in a moment
I know your lips from
Alcohol taking over the the blood in our veins
And still I see the negative, caught up with strains

Your feelings pressuring me
Questioning my own idea
Of why I find warmth in solitude
And struggle accepting the idea of something new
If it was with anyone, it would be you

I let you give it all up
Leaving it to die-
Leaving you thinking it was all you
With thoughts of you clouding my dreams
You were always unsure where you stood
When the truth is you were always too good

Maybe there is a reason
That I remember the curve of your smile
And the sound of your laugh

Or the way my hands traced
Over your face
To just know your skin
To feel the laughter lines
I had created

You knew how to warm me with
your body
And your heart
Still I'm remaining cold
With my guard fiercely in place

There are barriers between us
Preventing the words
That are ready to bleed from my veins
Or anything to break through
That might save this

Those three words you spoke
Set off the smoke

That put our flame out
As my mind filled with doubt

Bringing out chapter to an end

I guess you're still a *friend

I keep my walls swarmed with photos
Of faces I no longer see
And places I no longer go
The things I loved I now grow to hate
As always I realised too late

There's such an irony in seeking happiness
From what is now distant memories
And I've been torn away into a loop
Into the isolation of being alone
Who I've become now is still not known

I find humour in the worst times
In the sudden realisation that the best times
Of my few years has passed
And I feel myself fading away
When I can't keep the thoughts at bay

I've been waiting for someone to say
Anything to show that they know me
And I end up alone here again when
Even in a desperate attempt to feel
There is nothing that feels real