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Kayla Perkins Jun 2019
When you think of me I hope that you smile,
not think about how i suffered for a while ..
I'm sorry I couldn't get better
This is my suicide letter...

Please know its not your fault you never could've known
but this sadness has lingered far too long and secretly had grown.
I couldn't tell you tho, cuz i didn't have the heart,
i couldnt bear to see it in your eyes when i told you we would part.
Don't ever think that you weren't enough, i swear you almost saved me.
But this world is so corrupt, please know that i love you baby...
And mother don't waste a prayer on me, I'm unsavable.
I tried to help myself but I'm incapable.  
No meds no therapist no ******* psych ward,
Nothing could save me not even your dear Lord
Your unconditional love was unbelievable
Your kindness and big heart, unbeatable
And to my father, I know im appearing weak
I'm sorry I couldn't be strong like you raised me to be
You showed me discipline but also affection
It's not your fault I took to this direction
To my sister, you were always there for me
I was psychotic and you made me feel accepted and free
I will never forget how understanding you were
But the rest of my life feels like a ****** up blur
To my brother, you protected me and were my inspiration
Teaching me what you knew and your beautiful dedication
I couldn't have asked for better surroundings to grow up by
I know you're reading this and asking "then, why?"

I dont even ******* know...

There's no way to explain this empty pit in me
There's no end in sight to this dark misery
I'm surrounded by loved ones yet i feel alone
I feel darkness deep inside and cold to the bone
Let these cuts release the demons that have made me this way
I'll be free from this world before tonight turns to day
The world will keep spinning and nothing will change
My soul will be free as just my body remains
Be happy for me cuz I escaped the dark
And now i can stay peacefully in your hearts

Thank you all for trying your best
But now i must go, and put my soul to rest
Kayla Perkins Mar 2019
This is my life.
I will not let you take my identity
Just bc my life is riddled with your memories does not mean you are a part of me.
You're only a lesson I have learned and a reason to never look back.
I do deserve better.
And you? You deserve to get exactly what you dished out.
Don't worry sweetie, if you think you were so perfect you have nothing to worry about,
Right?

Oh Karma♡
Kayla Perkins Sep 2018
I can play this game
For I know it too
I'm really good at it
Just as good as you

I'll make you feel so loved
Then get inside your head
**** with your emotions
'Til you're wishing you were dead

Don't blame the player
For I learned from the best
He tortured me too...
And I died like the rest
Kayla Perkins Feb 2018
Wipe off the makeup, let down the hair.
Take off my clothes, til everything's bare.
Dig under the flesh, dig under the bones.
Lock myself in a room, make sure I'm alone.. and let it all go...
I need to find myself, my passion and my pride.
To do what fits me best, other opinions aside.  
All of my life i lived to impress, they told me what to love,  they told me how to dress.
But I'm taking it all off, you can laugh and you can scoff.
But ill learn to be happy on my terms this time, I'll make myself proud, I'll make this life mine.
So dig under the flesh, dig deep in my heart.
Cut me down with your words but I won't fall apart.
Shocked? I thought you would be,
Cuz all of my life i hid behind jealousy.
But of what? The fake mask of beauty we call makeup?
But its time for my soul to wake up.
To find happiness in the nature of me, naked and alone, but I'm finally free.
For this is the closest to myself I've ever been.
My soul smiles and says "It's nice to see you again"
And I find myself smiling back... It's good to be home.
Kayla Perkins Sep 2017
He didnt listen to a word i said.

And i don't think i listened to a word he said.

We were both just talking to hear our own voices
Kayla Perkins Aug 2017
Organized religion, but believe you're not a cult.
Follow your priest blindly, if he misguides it's all your fault.
You should know better and follow a clean path,
Got blood on your hands? take a holy bath.
Sin, forgive, sin, forgive, the cycle that brings you back.
If you **** thy neighbor, "god" will pickup your slack.
The world around you is going to hell,  but you? you're special on your high horse.
Judging the sinners and ******, showing them no remorse.
Real godly huh, kicking em while they're down.
Hoping that tough love is what will finally bring em around.
And what's your proof, that this god saves.
For the only ones who truly know lay silently in their graves.
Kayla Perkins Apr 2017
You
I'm speechless
Because everything I ever wanted
Is right in front of me
Wrapped inside one body
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