Do you understand my frustration
Or should I hand you a pile of ash
To crumble to pieces in your hand
To demonstrate what my life is doing.

You know, I've always contemplated suicide, thru my whole life it seems. But really all I want is to be dead to people so I can finally live.

I cross my heart and hope to die.

That's what you said...

Cross your heart and hope to die
That you would never leave me.

But I'm the one left standing here, hoping to die.

For its MY heart that you have crossed.

I can feel my heart
crumbling down...
to a pile of ash.
Or like someone is pulling a thread out of it
And its slowly fraying and dwindling down
Til all that’ll be left
Is a pile of tangled thread
Trying to pretend
To be a heart inside my chest.

I wanna destroy something.
Whether it be expensive or cheap, big or small.
I want to **** something up.
Just so,
for even a moment...
something will be as I feel.
Destroyed.

I'm not pretty, I fool myself
with the makeup I put on
The editing of photos
Tricking them one by one

Remembering when I loved the world
And didn't fear this mess
When I'd smile because I'm happy
And not for appearances

Buying the clothes
That flatter me somehow
The curves the bones
Whatever they're obsessed with now

Shaving the legs
Plucking the brow
Painting the face
Just for the wow

Wow... What's the point
Do people really care
Deep down there's nothing
But perfectly straightened hair
And a heart that isn't there..

But beauty on the outside
Is all they really see
When your rotting inside
From swimming in jealousy

Bravo to the world
It took its toll on me
When all I used to love
Is who I thought I'd be

Standing at the door, hesitant.
Wondering what I'll see.
The other side is haunting,
The other side's a mystery.

It could be the hell
I've always learned to fear
With dark emerging creatures
And an exit no where near

Drowning in your sorrow
Replaying every trauma
Screaming out to no one
It's more than highschool drama

Demons crawling under your skin
Breaking every bone
Scratching and tearing to get them out
You've never been so alone

Screaming in the night
Gasping your last breath
Ripping your own heart out
But never rewarded death

These images they haunt me,
But I've come to far to leave.
I must know what's in there
And what my future will be..

So here I go..
I open the door...

Oh my god..there it is....
This is what I've been waiting for..