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Do you know this girl? I wonder if you do.
I know her now, but not as this mysterious, silent, sad figure.
What is she looking for? Did she find it? The girl in the photo.
Because she will grow into something harder and better;
Vibrant, mischievous, powerful, and ever smirking
in life. But the smile she wears now is brittle;
it glitters, but does not glow. The girl in the photo,
has a star in her eyes, and
Glows, softly, like candlelight. There is no smile, not yet,
but it shines in the eyes, and tugs the corners of her lips.
Maybe the star was her undoing.
Did she stray too close to that star, I wonder?
Perhaps she learned as Icarus did,
to trade her *****, burned wings for armor and barbed wire.
The girl I know today, her hair tips dipped in gold,
now wears a crown, unseen. She strides,
as if nothing can hurt her.
Not words, not feelings; for the beating of her heart
sounds the drums of war.
Maybe she is better now, than she ever was. A soon to be Queen.
Perhaps that star in her eyes was always burning on the inside,
forging steel out of the softness. Maybe the girl I know today was always growing,
Growing,
in the shadow of the one in the photo.
She is sharpness and all edges now. Ready to cut,
anything, anyone
that blemishes her path.
But, I will always wonder about the girl in the photo.
I will always want to ask the questions,
“Do you know this girl?”
and
“Where did she go?”
And I am scared.
Scared, that the answer will be this:
“She never left.”
For my friend, Alyssia LaBelle.
 Jan 2016 Jay Esse
Tab
Supernova
 Jan 2016 Jay Esse
Tab
Everything about her was dark
From her inky black hair to her sharp black nails
She was a blown out star, a supernova
Darkness oozed from her pores, she was wildly in love with her madness
She's always rooting for the dark side
Strung out on the idea that her demons would take her home one day
this is pointless but these words are sitting on my chest
 Jan 2016 Jay Esse
mj
shipwrecks
 Jan 2016 Jay Esse
mj
this is how we survive without living:
on diets of choked-down words
and blood from bitten tongues,
drinking sun that blisters open lips.
we are the ones who taste heaven
by killing pieces of ourselves,
the mortal realizations of all things
romanticized into tragedies.
when we walk through gardens
the roots of trees tug at our feet,
the soles sink into the earth;
still, we cannot walk below the ground.
when we skim flat rocks over black waves
we awaken the fairer sirens
who dwell in fog like the stones we throw
and sing our bodies into mist.
but if we learn to tread water long enough,
our bare toes will kick up the dirt
and unearth the skeletons of shipwrecks;
these, at last, will sail us home.
hopefully someday you'll make it up from whatever problems you have, and you'll find a place where you're truly happy. you'll stumble upon it one day and suddenly find that you have time to get to know yourself, time to grow--  and it will be beautiful, and you will feel beautiful, and everything will be okay.
 Jul 2015 Jay Esse
alison
Yours
 Jul 2015 Jay Esse
alison
I want to be
the person who
you think about
when you listen to
soppy love songs
 Jul 2015 Jay Esse
JustChloe
I never realized you could fall out of love
i thought it was just an excuse
for divorced people
who never loved in the first place
did we love in the first place?
I didnt know you could stop caring about me
I didnt know I could stop caring about you
did i stop caring about you
Have i stopped caring
since when did i ever want to not talk to you
since when did we not want to be together
since when did your presence scare me
when did we scare eachother
when did us become a we
when did we seperate
I dont understand why we didnt stay with eachother
why we couldnt understnad eachother
why we couldnt be
BFF's
but even that was a lie
because Im not sure
you where ever really my friend
my friend
are you my friend?
are you still there for me?
maybe you wont be
maybe we arent
maybe
maybe you still love me
but only if i could believe in that lie
because you told me
you no longer care about my fragility
you no longer care if im broken
you no longer care im hurting
you no longer
want to be next to me
we no longer will be
I'm sorry
but why
I'm the only one crying
when you are smiling
because you told me
the truth set you free
but it captivated me
now im stuck in a rut
stuck in a cage'
when i cant escape
I cant stay
in this charade
you broke my happiness
I can no longer last in this
you kept me in the shade
only to bring me to light
at the worst time
tell me im not wanted
when you where the only person i thought wanted me
as soon as i accepted I wasnt alone
you left me
you see
you made me get better just to send me back where i came from
what type of love
and you have the audacity to act
as if this will hurt you
as if you didnt do anything wrong
as if im over exaggerating
as if your better than me
your not better than me
just because i learned how to take down my walls in front of you
does not make me weak
It makes me stronger
than you
just because you saw the sad side of me
thats not all there is
I showed you I was fragile
but thats it
you wont see past what you think I am
to see thats not me
you wont see
Nina see me
you keep yourself in the dark
pushed us apart
so you can be alone
its not me its you
its not you its me
its not us anymore
there is no longer us
bff?
*******
your just another person who took advantage
of my weakness
your just as bad as them
sorry nina lol I had to get upset and rant
 Jul 2015 Jay Esse
Jackie
I can never think of how to start these things
Because starting something means risk
My best friend told me I would fall in love within my 10 months of service
And I'm glad I fell in love with you
Now I know you will read this
So please read carefully
Thank you
I know it has taken me a long time to reach a point of peace
So I am finally able to look back at our relationship
You gave me confidence I never had
You held me up when I was falling
You brought back love that I thought was buried 6 feet deep
I know we talked about forever and that didn't happen
But I would do those 2 months all over again
I know you are in a difficult spot right now
I understand
But know that none of this takes away how amazing you are
Love is one of those things that's unexpected
Thank you for being my favorite surprise
I know I can't take back what was said in the past
But know that I will make up for it in the present and future
I still believe things happen for a reason
I'm not a perfect person
Nothing can ever be perfect in life
But looking back
I still believe that those 2 months were pretty close
I don't want you to think I'm writing this to try and get you back
I'm writing this because we are friends again
And I was always hesitant about that
Until now
Happiness is something we both deserve
Journey's can take a lifetime
But perfect moments are short
 Jul 2015 Jay Esse
Willard Wells
Saying I love your touch

Showing I love your eyes.

Still I love your lips.

Silky I love your skin.

Stating you're my everything.

Showering you with  thank yous.

Standing up to say I love you.

Moments can be gone forever.
Never let that moment pass.
You'll bring happiness,
You'll bring joy.

A moment in time can change a life,
So never let that Fleeting Moment Pass.
I have reworked this a number of time. This is the final. Let me know what you think. this may just stink. I like the concept, but???
Ihave many phobias
Many fears and worries
All too many to name
What scares me the most
Isnt saying something wrong...
**...Its not having anything left to say
I have lost the ability to write,
I've lost the way, and frankly it hurts
 Jul 2015 Jay Esse
alison
Musings
 Jul 2015 Jay Esse
alison
I prefer to think
life is not about
the pursuit of
happiness but
about the kind
of contentment
you can find
within yourself.
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