As the day lays to rest and dusk settles upon the sky, I lay motionless in bed. Shadows crawl over the walls and seep into the corners of the room. The open window lets the last of the natural light the sun has to offer filter into the room. As young birds sing their evening songs, the room gradually becomes a deep shade of blue. In the shadow of the day and in the limelight of night, my self-destructive thoughts from the day are slowly quelled.
The deep blue hues of the room allow new thoughts to resurface in my head. However, these thoughts were not so bad to think about. The dark atmosphere but calming demeanor of the space reminded me all too much of him.
Memories began to resurface of the first time I met him. A few years older than I, he was eighteen and I was fifteen. He was going off to college while I would be entering sophomore year. And god, I know. Trust me, I knew it wasn’t a good situation already.
He first caught my eye from afar. He was talking to my brother and I couldn’t even see all of his face. And I don’t know why, but he took my breath away. I remember that my first thought of him was that he was short. No more than two inches taller than me, and I thought it was the most adorable thing. I remember that my mood was rather dull on this particular day, but just seeing him had changed my attitude. To this day, two years later, I still don’t know what to call it. I don’t want to say that it was love at first sight, because that seems a little extreme.
But I walked closer to him, too scared to actually walk up and introduce myself. I remember tripping over my feet a little, which he apparently heard because he turned and looked straight into my eyes for a split second.
And god, oh my god. Just from looking into his sea foam eyes for that second, I could tell that he had a thousand stories to tell but had no one that was willing to listen. His bright blue eyes, even I could tell they were a little dull. I knew they could be brighter. He was a quiet soul, looking for something in his life that could hold more meaning. He was surrounded by family and friends, yet it looked like he had never felt more alone.
At the time, I could decipher the code of thought in his eyes. But yet, my overly nervous, fifteen-year-old self, was far too scared to ever talk to him. I came close, once, when he and my brother stood near me and my brother asked me something. I could have joined the conversation, but I didn’t. I answered my brother and walked away. And to this day, I will never regret a decision that I have made more than that one. I knew from the moment that I left that place that I made a big mistake. It felt like I had just lost something that I treasured deeply.
The thing was though, I only knew his name. I wouldn’t learn more about him until later, when I would realize that, wow, he is truly someone special. However, after I left that place, I put every thought I had about him into the back of my mind. I knew that it wouldn’t happen anyways.
For two years, he has been in the back of my mind and he has never left. It has been two years since I’ve seen or spoken to him. Yet, I’m still learning new things about him from my brother. And honestly, the happiest moments in my life right now are when I learn something new about him. Because that is enough. Learning anything about him makes me impossibly happy, and that's all I need right now.
It's all that I have of him, however. A few pieces of information about his life and what he likes. But, honestly, I'm still happy with just that.
lmaooooooooo its story time ya'll so grab a cup of coffee and read my dumb love story about my undying crush that I'll never speak to again hahaha
theres also a lot more stuff ill be doing in the future abt him sooooo