There it was, my opportunity.
My one chance at peace.
I could’ve said goodbye.
I should’ve said goodbye,
burned all the words I wrote you
till even the ashes turned blue
from the sorrow and pain
that poured from my veins,
drowned every memory of you
in the ocean
or with  a bottle
whichever came first
to cleanse my minds view.
But every time
I opened my mind
to the possibility
of living in a world without you,
my soul began to tremble and shake
my heart couldn’t help but ache
my senses entered a lull,
and that was just from the potential
of not having you in my life.
Just that simple thought
caused me such strife.
Maybe that thought isn’t so simple,
and like yarn on a spindle,
I’ve been wrapped in your essence
for far too long to conceive of a world without your presence.
It seems that the more I try to forget
the more mesmerized I become
till it’s impossible to be numb
to the warmth of your eyes that mirrors the skies
to the elegance you invoke as though it were a cloak,
there really is no other that carries a candle to your grace
and keeps my heart in an endless chase.
But I’m in need of a reprieve, some sort of break from this game
and yet, I can’t find it in me to leave.
So what am I to do?
Suffer,
attempting to capture a heart
that was always meant to be free?
Or quit,
lose myself in the thoughts of what was,
and what could’ve been?
What do I have left?

Every night I lay my head to rest
and every morning I arise,
Each time wishing the night took me,
Praying that I wouldn’t wake up,
Hoping that someone would hear me
Hopeful that someone would grant my wish

"What is going on"?
Like a newborn fawn
I'm unable to walk
chained in place with a lock
but my mind still thinks
my heart bleeds and sinks
and as my soul begins to stain
finally I see, I'm in pain.

Come one come all
To see the gracious fall,
A fall from heaven to earth
A fall destined since birth
But it was all his fault
He created this vault
This tomb of despair
with smoggy black air
A place of pure death
as though Hades ran free

His actions were clear
So don't shed a tear  
This fool chose his path
Incurred all this wrath
And he chose to continue
to fight the unbeatable
like an idiotic brat he fought
as though he were David fighting Goliath
except David falls flat
with no way to react

He hid from his call
always ready to stall,
This cowardly state
such an abysmal trait,
It's rather disgusting
and I'm not judging,
But you're in need of a catharsis
to stop exuding darkness,
To remove your knot
you know just a thought.

When my soul can never reap the seeds of my disbelief,
why should I let my heart beat to the rhythm of my feet?
My mind’s stuck in utter shock, like the hands of a clock,
as I clean the sewage that cluttered my eyes, making it hard to see the true prize.
I’ve always had something,
but it left me feeling nothing,
till I grabbed hold of the fun
to try and make my own sun
as if I were God, a being to be awed.
But I know I’m not.
I tried to make good of the rot,
to trick my mind, to force myself blind.
But I needed to see beyond those forbidden trees, and stop my dissent into unshakable cement.
Getting stuck in a grave all due to my insatiable crave, who knows where I’d be if I could never be free?
Maybe stuck between those legs, stuck in all her threads?
I was a fool to think differently, I got lost in her wondrous imagery, lost in the smoke of pleasure a feeling I did treasure.
A feeling of ecstasy that felt like pure fantasy, but that’s exactly what it was, an act worthy of applause.
An act I fell for, an act that’s left me sore.
I was simply a mistake trying to play a duet with a fake.
So here I am, writing this spam, using my vice as some form of ice to cure my pain and remove her chain.

FEAR
sigh
Tired way to tired
What more can I do
What else can I say
I’m beat down,
Unknown to light
Nor known to death,
But still I fight
Only to be downed again,
There’s no escape
only a cycle,
A cycle they began
A cycle they dominate
A cycle I despise
A cycle I hate
I play their game
With everything to lose
But nothing to gain.

Who am I,(2x)
Another savage they brought to their shore,
Another beast to fight in their wars?
Will we ever get the respect our people deserve,
Will they ever regret turning black into gold,
Lining us up so that we may be sold,
Destroying our homes, kidnapping our people,
****** our mothers, dissecting their equals?

Of course not, I’m only a fool,
Just another broken tool
They’re savagely sadistic
Morally simplistic.
They wanna pull me from the seams
But I’m just a child who dreams,
Dreams that portray their nightmares.
So of course it’s only fair
To **** that nightmare
With no remorse
And no fear.

With the click of a gun
The world goes numb,
I pray to God’s only son
In this world that you run
Please end my affliction
Please end their conviction,
Cause nothing hurts more
Than seeing a brother ignored
His body adorned with blood
Killed like a boar by people we adore,

Please end all this sorrow
This war that we follow
These men with your crest
Shown proudly on their breast
Your laws they deny
Hurl curses at your sky,
With them I’m distressed
By them I’m oppressed
Take them all
And let us all rest.

Allow us to be blessed
To be happy and enjoy.
This world that you’ve built
Don’t let it all wilt
And die like a flower
A seed with no power,
To you I do beg
We need this to end
This torture this hell
Will soon all be well,
You’ll take on our fight
Destroying our plight,
In you I do trust
And as I return to dust
I sing praises of your name
Of your glory and your fame,
Thank you for being near
Thank you for ending my fear.

Night, constantly night
whats the point of this fight?
Its not that complex
but my mind works in stress,
And you've got me in a wreck
with nothing to hold me in check,
I hate going slow
cause the world needs a flow,
Just like a mind needs to think
like an eye needs to blink,
Are you ready for the fire
the start of your pyre,
The destruction of your name
it's such a sad shame,
But it pays to be ice
you get stomped being nice,
I'm ready to destroy your mystique
to make your world go bleak,
to destroy your soul
then go take a stroll,
It's coming quick
and it'll leave you sick.

I've got something to test,
a sort of quest.
A mission, if you will,
to create a wonderful thrill.
Kinda like a game
all you do is keep this flame.
Allow it to burn
but treat it with concern,
as though it were your child
always trying to get wild.
Keep it calm
read it a psalm.
Anything to keep it alive,
it must thrive,
aause if you begin to doubt
that flame will die out.
It will disappear
leaving you in fear,
a total loss of control
blinding you to your goal.
You'll begin to see fractures,
forcing your mind backwards.
All you have to do is maintain your flame
and maintain your soul.

The suns been real low
its colors lacking flow,
lacking in vibrancy
just setting lifelessly.
But its hard to tell behind this mask
it acts like a cask,
a sort of home
that I never roam.
Cause I prefer to hide
to stay inside,
to avoid this stain
this awful pain.
But I'm never that lucky
or maybe I'm just rusty,
I haven't hid in awhile
disappeared to my isle.
Cracks are appearing
and though I'm persevering,
its starting to get put to the test
and I ain't got much time left.
If your reading this please find my mask
before the demons escape the cask,
before their anger erupts
and leaves all in a flux.

This is a joke
A rather stupid trope
How can you want peace
They see us as beasts
If beauty is in the eyes of the beholder
Then peace is in the hands of the oppressor
The strong dictate that rule
And we continue to be their tool

I hate you, absolutely despise you.
But that isn't completely true.
You've destroyed my creation, rather quickly you fell.
I try to hate and despise you,
To rid myself of a mistake I created,
But I can't.
Why can I not rid myself of you
Why do I continue to care for your failures
I think I know why, but i fear that reason
If i admit it there's no return, no reprieve from your cries
So I wont say it,
I'll continue this lie, I'll believe these nightmares.
So as I said before,
I forgive you.

Your heart bleeds patriotism
My heart bleeds sorrow
Your body bleeds privilege
My body bleeds suffering
Your mind bleeds ignorance
My mind bleeds in response
We are not the same nor will we ever be
But how long will it take to respect me
Why coddle me with fake pity
We know this never ends pretty
I’ll give up what you call a senseless fight
as soon as you genuinely attempt to see our plight

Darkness is the absence of light
Light is the banishment of Darkness.
Never can they exist without the other.
For Light could not truly be appreciated without Darkness.