If I went to a professional they'd probably say it started when I was younger
Which begs the question why it didn't affect my older brother

Maybe it's just the way my brain is wired
I'm just so ******* sick and tired
Of being so **** sick and tired
Why am I always so ******* tired?

I just go through the motions
All the days just blend together
The only thing keeping me going
Is the hopes that this won't last forever

I can say that I care about a few things
But it'd be only to myself that I feed lies
There's a lot I need to get off my chest
But it's hard when I have to make it rhyme

I don't consider myself a poet
More of an alocoholic with a pen
I get myself into a drunken haze
And spill all the thoughts in my head

You're probably wondering where this is going
And I can't say that I have the answer
I kind of just type away
Until I start to feel a little better.

It's been a while since I've written
It may be 'cause it's been a while
Since I've really felt anything at all

One little white pill
"It'll take all the pain away"
But the dealer never told me
My new friend was here to stay
So before you say yes
There's something I need to say

You'll lie awake wishing for pain
At least then you'll feel something
But it'll never ******* come
Because your friend you call numb
Calls your brain home

Numbness used to be my friend
But when you invite him over
He'll never want to leave
And you'll do everything you can
To evict him from your home
But forever there he'll stay
And you'll always feel alone

My tiny round friends used to be so kind
Now I'm reminiscing on times I felt alive

I still think about you a lot
But in the most selfish way
Wishing I could float my way to heaven
And find the words to say

Are you scared,
Are you alone?
Are you happy,
Is it home?

I'm scared to move on
I'm alone inside my head
I'm happy when I think of you
Your home is here instead

I wish I could trade you places
But I know that's wished a lot
At the very least can I be
The man that gravity forgot?

So maybe I can float my way to heaven
If I find the words to say
That I'm miserable here without you
And I'll never be okay

December is hard for me
Anyone around can see
I fill my heart with regret
While everyone else sleeps

I'm sure I could have saved you
If I were there for you that night
Instead you drank the bottle empty
And turned your wheel to the right

I wish I could trade you places
But I know that's wished a lot
At the very least can I be
The man that gravity forgot?

So maybe I can float my way to heaven
If I find the words to say
That I'm miserable here without you
And I'll never be okay

Im afraid to kiss you
Because of the fear of being left breathless
Gasping for air
The theif you are stealing life from my lungs

I'm afraid to leave you
Because without you near I'd surely fall apart
Picking up the pieces
The craftsman you are, putting me back together

I'm afraid to be loved by you
Because of the unrealistic, idealistic picture you paint of me
Every brush stroke
The artist that paints in dissappointment of who I really am

I'm afraid to trust you
Because of the words you whisper late at night
I love you more
The liar that insists in the false reality in which you could ever love me more

Everything in the world is crashing down
Everyone around is out to get me
I've got voices in my head
And they're so **** condescending

So let's dance to the sounds of rockets
Cause chaos is all we know
Let the bullets fly right past us
And make this battlefield our home

Why do we wait for tears to fall
Before we ask if we're okay?
I'm not one to complain of nightmares
We need the night to appreciate the day

Let the ****** mist surround us
Like it's a beautiful yellow fog
Bombs blowing up through the night sky
We'll pretend that everything's alright

So let's dance to the sounds of rockets
Cause chaos is all we know
Let the bullets fly right past us
And make this battlefield our home

Let's make the best of this nuclear winter
And make angels in the ash
While the world is dead and rusted
We'll watch the lights of sattelites crash

Everything in the world is crashing down
Everyone around is out to get me
I've got voices in my head
And they're so **** condescending

So let's dance to the sounds of rockets
Cause chaos is all we know
Let the bullets fly right past us
And make this battlefield our home

It's 12am and I'm 20 feet up its 32 degrees am I brave enough?
The misty water from the falls sprinkle my face
Not a soul around just my skateboard and I to fill this space

One light illuminating the rocks below as the water dances upon them
I'm getting butterflies just thinking about cutting in
A man walks by does he know my intent?
I begin to panic, this consuming paranoia is it just in my head?

I can see my breath, is it getting colder?
I bet the water is freezing, what if I just break my shoulder?
All the scenarios are depleting my course of action and I can feel my feet back off the ledge
Maybe tonight's not the night, maybe I should sleep it off instead

I grab my skateboard and turn around
What I didn't notice was the ice on the ground
My knee buckles from under me and the concrete meets my head
I start bleeding, panicing and pleading

It's 12:07am and it's my turn to dance
In 1.6 seconds I made my way to the dance floor
I thought this is what I wanted but no, not anymore

Warm blood covers my face while the ice water fills my lungs
I should stop fighting it I should accept this is where I belong
I close my eyes and see your face
I put on a smile and meet my fate

It's just one of those days that suicide seems like my friend
I try and I try but these thoughts never seem to end
I know it hurts you seeing me this way but I can't just pretend
That I'm okay and I'm happy but my brain just descends
I write out my suicide notes in a message to you and contemplate pressing send
I can't bring myself to burry you in my problems and this burden
Most times I look thoughtless but I just know you won't comprehend
What I'm thinking and what I'm fighting in this losing war within
I'm still trying to fight it but my only weapon is this pen
And since this pen is running low on ink I think its a good place for this to end

I heard a sad song
On the radio
It reminds me
Of the note you wrote
Of when we first met
And I was alone
You said I would never be
Ever be
Miserable

If there was one moment I'd regret
I would trace it to when we met
Nobody wants to cash in what's coming to 'em

Not when you're breaking hearts, so fluid

If I drive
Right off this cliff
Will people know
That I forfeit
And just let go
Is this an accident or incident
(Oh please) Save me from myself

I heard a sad song
On the radio
It reminds me
Of the note you wrote
Of when we first met
And I was alone
You said I would never be
Ever be
Miserable

But here I am in
Late September
10 months ago
You remember?
Barely breathing
Sinking feeling
You left me hanging
How can I trust again?

I heard a sad song
On the radio
It reminds me
To just let go
Of your words
And all the hope
And I pray that
You're miserable

I'm a sorry sad sap addicted to your mess
How you ever cared for me is still an anomaly
Your touch on my skin is a drug to me it's an addiction, this feeling is odd to me

So let's lay together and sing our favorite La Dispute songs
We'll talk about how sad songs make everything better
I think I knew I loved you when you said "let's be sad together"
I never thought I'd like to be but I'd like to be sad with you forever

Let's talk about suicide and all the ways we wanna die
But we'd never go through with it being in eachothers lives
Your eyes never looked so bright standing under these 4th street lights

So let's drive forever and scream our favorite Senses Fail songs
We'll talk about how sad songs make everything better
I think I knew I loved you when you said "let's be sad together"
I never liked to be sad but I'd like to be sad with you forever

I have nothing to show for these past 3 years except a broken heart and a taste for whiskey
Now the early mornin' hours is when I think the most
Though you know I'd really like to get some sleep

See my body has a home but my soul is all alone and I know that it's all my fault
So I'll pour another drink and light up this roach while I sit and think 'bout the last 3 years wishing that this whiskey still burned deep

I'm listening to songs about New Orleans thinking that maybe thats where I should be
But who am I kidding I hate the humidity and I can't escape the shakes no matter how far I run away

And although my body has a home, my soul is all alone and I know that it's all my fault
So I'll pour another drink and light up this roach while I sit and think about the last 3 years and work on a new approach

Red lights
Blue lights flashing
Sirens screaming
These 3 employees
Hoping they can save me

I cut my wrists
I just won't stop bleeding
I hope they don't succeed
I know I won't ruin their evening

I just want to sleep
They're still speeding
Red lights
Green lights passing
Bandages and monitoring

5 minutes pass
I start crashing
They start panicking
I can't stop myself from smiling

My eyes fade to black
My memories pass me
I'm finally happy
I'm finally happy
I'm finally