If only the rain
could cleanse
my pain.

Wash away
the tears from
my face and heart.

The bruises
and blood
that stained me from the start.

We were nothing more than two young black
*******. Old in soul, too soon we became grown. Belonging to nothing or no one.
Together and alone...

We talked of marriage,
but I questioned my ability to be a
A committed lover.
I could never see the wife in me,
and I could not be his *mother

Unsteady and troubled,
I needed stability and security
he was in over his head,
the young boy,
couldn't be my *daddy

Sometimes I escape to a magical place.
A mirror of myself, a beautiful face
A high like a drug that has been laced
sensation out of this world,
into deeper space.
My eyes water as my heart pace.
A sigh of relief,
as my mind tells my body
"you're okay ...
I laugh and admit,
*I am a great lay!

I want to drift far away
into an endless day.

escape tomorrow
and all its sorrow.

but instead i stay here
because death too,

is something i fear.

I invited this war,
was prepared from the start.
My mind turned grey,
steel became my heart.
I grew into
a cold piece of work,
a robot.
And even my warm human blood
could not make it stop.