Another sleepless night.
Heavy thoughts
Staring at my iPhone
Waiting for a text I'll never get
Praying to God for happiness,
and that things get better.

I pray that things get better.
Goodnight....

I've made a couple of "mistakes".

This past summer taught me that mistakes are nothing but lessons.

Think of it this way.
You can learn a lesson about the French Revolution at school and that'll just be an easy lesson, hard to listen to but fairly easy not so rememberable, but nonetheless a lesson.

When you give your all to someone carelessly forgetting to put yourself first learning that the problem was you because somehow you forgot to love yourself enough and remember your worth and to be a ride or die for not only him but God.....

now don't tell me that isn't a lesson.

Now any relationship you get into you remember not to wear your heart on your sleeve, you remembered not to get to carried away too fast.

You remember this because you made a mistake your paying for every day because it has now become a lesson you just can not forget.

But the cost isn't a bad thing.

Your wiser, you now remember to never forget your worth or to question yourself. You no longer forget that you are beautiful. Now again I ask are mistakes really mistakes?

Steven
Hezeki
Andre..
Have all abused my love and made me into this cold person, hey I won't give them all the credit maybe it's something I've always possessed. Maybe I've always been this person and I just had to get stabbed alittle for it to become apparent.

Xavier
Vulnerability was at is finest. Who would've thought I'd let just anyone get a piece of me, like I'm one of those random mints that always end up in your possession, and somehow you don't work to obtain this candy it just comes and happens to get the job done and I am one to blame for thinking at a point of time it was okay.

Jamal
I feel bad for what I've done to you, and my karma probably awaits but I was bored with you..couldn't help it but at one point I was intrigued by your demeanor but like I said I was bored with you...and my karma probably arrived with

Chris
I hate free trials. They get you all excited about a game that your so anxious to play and while your enjoying it they tell you your time is up. You can't play anymore unless you sell your soul (buy the game) and once that ad pops up you question is the game even worth it. You wanted my *****, I wanted you to be mine..even risked a friendship for who knows what...karma proved to be a ***** but like you say love is love.

Tony
You genuinely made me laugh. But my heart was too cold and and too unsure to ever settle down with you because I am not for sell. You wanted me to be your African queen, but you forgot that an a queen is still a queen without a king. So karma might have missed me because for the first time in a long time I followed my intuition and didn't allow you to force commitment on my plate.. which is a good thing because now I have
DAQUAN..
All started with a Dm......a ******* twitter Dm....so far nothing is regretted, I hope your as genuine as you come across. I like you. My cold heart likes you hopefully it stays this way...

At 18 my chocolate skin is almost close to perfection.

Light stretch marks surround my hips, which makes some feel insecure but reminds me of my natural beauty.

Oh...and don't bother asking me for any make up tips, cause baby I don't do it.

I stand 5'3 and my walk is mean.

My smile is too die for but my hair as ***** if not nappier than baby blu's.

I can't keep my hair the same for nothin, from tracks to braids oooooo!

So many options with my "*****" hair.

They call me ******, blackie, midnight...list goes on but what they don't know is black don't crack.

I mean you gotta learn to embrace what comes with this chocolate skin..
Because if you don't love it who will?

I hate that I'm falling for you and your just continuously giving me reasons why your just no good.

I hate that you always run my mind even when I attempt to distract myself.

I hate that you can't find it in your heart to love and want me, and I hate that I can't make you.

I hate that at 2'oclock in the morning when I should be sleep, I'm writing about you...

I saw him today.
I wanted to speak so bad.
I wanted to hug him, kiss him, tell him that I missed him.
I wanted him to know I only wanted him, that everything about him made me weak inside......but my pride.
As much as I wanted to do all those things I didn't know how, where to start, I didn't know how to let this man know he played a heavy part in my
thoughts. That his warmth & embrace is all I think about and God I wanted to ask him did he feel the same.

But he said nothing.
I said nothing.
I just saw him.

Yesterday I felt low.
Today I want to feel high.

My heart feels like empty glass.

I'm surrounded by so many full glass cups and still my glass remains empty.

Like am I not good enough to drink out of? Can I not quench the thirst or love from others?

I cry out for water, to atleast feel full inside but still my cries go unheard.

I could break any second and everyone's only concern would be that I will become a bother as I shatter on the ground, not that I have been broken....

I won't be missed, just swept up, sweeped away and replaced...

I need to get closer to God.

Words I say everyday, but still I walk around with the same feeling of humility.

I feel like God looks down upon me, as I have failed to honor his one wish of worship.
Sometimes I wonder why don't I have the discipline of those who reach out to him everyday..
Is there something I lack?
I care, I know I do..but why doesn't it show..why does my heart ache to become one with God but it always feels like I can't reach him or as if it's too late. Like I can't live my life and be happy without displeasing him or not being happy myself
But...
Tomorrow I will get closer to God.

When you first fall for someone you never think that eventually you'll be doing all you can to get over them.

God it's crazy how fast things can change, but why dwell when you can move on to the next chapter...

sometimes all you have to do is look within yourself, to realize you don't need anybody else.