Woke up so dehydrated my mouth was cracked with blood
The pain overtook my body like the sacred bible flood
My eyes burn like fire from all the lack of sleep
No one understands my daily struggle or takes me seriously
Some days I can smile and forget about the hurt
And appreciate the life I'm given and appreciate the worth
But days like this are spent in sorrow, severe and true abyss
And leave me only to desire a better day than this
I ask God for His strength but I never ask for cure
Growing old in this condition would mean more a hellish prison than a promise to be sure
Maybe I'm here to suffer and feel what one cannot
Maybe I'm absorbing the hurt for someone weak and going through alot
Maybe I'm here to open eyes so my soul can really see
No matter how mangled my surface from the battle scars I'll always be
Me

little tree
little silent Christmas tree
you are so little
you are more like a flower

who found you in the green forest
and were you very sorry to come away?
see       i will comfort you
because you smell so sweetly

i will kiss your cool bark
and hug you safe and tight
just as your mother would,
only don’t be afraid

look       the spangles
that sleep all the year in a dark box
dreaming of being taken out and allowed to shine,
the ***** the chains red and gold the fluffy threads,

put up your little arms
and i’ll give them all to you to hold
every finger shall have its ring
and there won’t be a single place dark or unhappy

then when you’re quite dressed
you’ll stand in the window for everyone to see
and how they’ll stare!
oh but you’ll be very proud

and my little sister and i will take hands
and looking up at our beautiful tree
we’ll dance and sing
“Noel Noel”

Tell me to go home again, tell me that I look tired one more time. Maybe that will be the push I need. Ask me what’s wrong again. Maybe this time I’ll tell you that I’m tired of the sun rising in the northwest instead of the east. This time I’ll tell you that I so badly want to detox from the drug that is your name. Because every time I hear it, smell it, and taste it I fall deeper down the rabbit hole. Spinning and swirling down the spiral to get to your home. How can you be friends with someone when all you crave is the sound of your name on their lips. When all you want is their hands on your hips and in your hair one more time. Drink in my thoughts the same way you sip that cheap beer. Tired of those eyes that watch you like the preview of their favorite movie only to decide to save it for another rainy day. Pause, rewind, play. Repeat.

Remember,
Those beautiful eyes aren't looking at you,
**They're looking at her.