sometimes when my mind goes to the darkest place
I wish we had drown
the night we fell asleep
together in the bath tub

so in love
we had no idea what pain was
we had no idea
of the storm that was coming

they don't come as often,
but there are days,
when I feel so much pain inside,
that I just want pain on the outside.

I was always too chicken to be a cutter,
but my lit cigarette has met my wrist.

I see it every day.

I think the reason I did it,
was because you didn't check for scars anymore,
you passed by and you didn't bat an eyelash at me.

So I put the ember where it hurt the most.

I have a large pink dot below my left breast,
because that's where I feel the most pain.
Inside.

I wanted to burn it away,
I wanted the cigarette to desintigrate any traces of you.

I still push on my sternum when I lay here crying,
and pound on my chest.
The pain never seems to go away.

But I won't give myself another pink scar.

because one day if I am blessed once again with our two naked bodies together,
I don't want you to be ashamed in me.

I fell in love with a man,
and that man taught me to love myself.

This beautiful man with beautiful skin,
I lost him.

I fell in love with a man,
I fell in love with his skin,
I fell in love with his family,
with his people,
with his country,
his beautiful culture.

As much as I try to fight for what I believe in,
all I believe in his him.

I really didn't mean to hurt the person I loved the most in an act so selfish that it would have me hurting for another 100 days

I have to realize
that we can't be in love right now
it's too late
much too late

it might be because of me
I know it's because of me

but I can't say I'm sorry
I broke your heart
and your moms heart
I broke the heart of your whole family

so I need to go away for a while
and find myself again
so I can try to be ok again
so I can make it everything ok again

I'm gonna fix it
I promise

I didn't wear makeup hoping I would see you today
we end up in the same spot and I feel a rush go through
my spine
and in
my stomach

I drove today
after all
that happened
after the accident

I moved forward today
and I will take another
step
tomorrow
towards
being
ok
again

I looked for your car today
typically peeking
out

they're still afraid to say
your name
around
me
always
with
a stutter
or
hesitation

they called you zombie today
I'm afraid
of the Xanax
because I'm not around
anymore
to
yell
at
you
because
I
loved
wait
love
love love love love
you

I don't want a zombie
I don't want to hear you're a zombie
I want what's mine back
and that's you
please
let that be
you

it's funny
I say
"we have to be ok apart
before we can be ok together."
but
it seems
that
we
were both
better off
when we were



together.

my name is shauna
i say im hot as a sauna
because that's the first
bar that i ever rap
no this is a poem
it's not a trap
to get you to listen
to what i could be spittin

or could i?
try?
to be
fly
like the
guys

but i'm a female in this world
filled with darkness, i hurled
threw up inside
when i found out my little cousin
was touched by some big scary man
i wasn't there to protect her
and society will neglect her
probably shame her
maybe even blame her
because of what she was wearing
how could you possibly be caring
about
or even
doubt
that a little
girl
with a small small
world
would fill it
with this scary
hairy
demon that i would ****** if i got my hands around his throat...

i don't mean to go
too far
it's just
when trust
is taken
forsaken
from a 3 year old girl
who will now question her world
and why it is so scary
and will be afraid of all the
hairy
men
because of that scary
demon
who took her spirit
ripped it right out of her pig tails
my grandmother wails
sick of all the ******* man
sick of all the bull
****
man