your eyes like black holes

i'm looking into them but
you've left me already

I want to save the ship
in your head
but my arms can only hold
so many buckets
and xanax serves as cannon *****

I can't swim
this must be a dream

I can't swim

I'm sinking with your ship

but I can't be the captain

not again

I never thought it would be me again

h    e    a    r     t    b   r    e    a    k    e    r

i've been torn

to pieces
itty
bitty
         p    i    e    c    e    s

I never thought I would be

the evil

I just wanted to be happy!!
is that bad?
don't I deserve that?
why am I guilty?

I didn't do anything wrong
why is it wrong to be happy

I just need to find happy
where is happy

I've lost happy

I've lost happy

How did I lose Happy?

Everything but sadness
seems like an illusion;
sometimes I
can get
swept up into
the illusion, though.

Your name
is more of a trigger
than your face

you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave

if  you looked at me as your life

did it ever dawn on you

to treat me better than you treated yourself

because had you really treated me such

i wouldn't be writing poems at 8 am

wide awake with sadness