You always read about anxiety as a thing you get when you're about to talk to someone you like, or about to go up and speak in front of a bunch of people, and for the longest time I thought my thoughts on anxiety, my anxiety was different from everyone else's, weird.

But I was fortunate to come across a poem, a kind of rant,
that decussed the same issue I was in. And sure, I'm not saying that anxiety doesn't involve getting nervous, or sweaty palms when doing something so small, so simple, but yet it can feel like the biggest thing in the world at the time, because yeah, that can be anxious anxiety, but what I'm talking about is the kind of anxiety where you stay in bed for 4 days straight because you're scared of what will happen if you get out of the comfor of your own room, you know making up a thousand different scenarios of how bad things could turn out.

Anxiety isn't just nerves or scared to do something so little, no anxiety is where you're scared of life itself, scared of living. Anxiety is a mental disorder, and I wouldn't wish it apon the worst of people.

Frustration
A build up of emotions.
Screaming and banging against the utter most depths of your mind, wanting out.
Wanting to scream as loud as your lungs will take you.
Hit as hard and your fist can muster.
Frustration is a horrible, annoyance.
It's irritating and infuriating,
My mind swarms with it, all these pent up feelings and thoughts,
I feel like ripping my skin off, it's so annoying.
But yet it won't go away, and I can't make it.

As much as I say I've "let it out" though I do the opposite, it's still there.
Headachingly there.
As much as I say it's not, I'm just lying and adding to the frustration that won't seem to let go, that won't go away.
And after a while, frustration wears you down, grinds away what shred of hope you have in your soul and feeds off your dismay.

Frustration is a terrible thing.

Anxiety,
Is when your thoughts suffocate you with panic,
When your stomache flutters with worry.
You feel nauseated with the waves, and waves of panic which you can't escape,
Stress and Anxiety claws and screams at you, your brain, begging for release, and the worst part,
The worst part is you don't tell anybody, you just pull a hesitant smile and say the line you've had to repeat most you life,
"I'm fine."

I scream for you to understand
But you will never get it.
I am forced to be confined,
Inside my own mind because you can't, won't, understand it.
Understand me.

I swim in a sea of troubles & worries,
My every move is calculated.

With my breathe straggled, I fling my arms and thrash my legs about hoping to fly out of the deep dark sea of my anxiety.

I'm done. I'm just done.
I'm tired, of everything.

I'm tired of having to wake up early I c the cold thinking all I have to do today is survive.
Tired of feeling scared all the time.
Tired of being self conscious with everything I do.
Tired of feeling ugly, being ugly.
Tired of feeling lost.
Tired of these headaches me chest pains.
Tired of feeling like a failure.
Tired of feeling useless.
Tired OF EVERYTHING.
Tired of all the tear stain in my pillows.
Tired of feeling pathetic.
Tried of being a **** person.
Tired of feeling like a let down.

I'm just tired.

~ W.I.R