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Teal Holliday Aug 2014
I take a drag from my cigarette
I feel the nicotine hit my head sending a string down my spine
Ich möchte nicht, dich zu verlassen
We sat there for hours
In the middle of ocean
Floating on dreams of grandeur, and that was enough I suppose
Ich möchte nicht, dich zu verlassen
Five years from now we'll meet
I'll smile
We'll know
Max Neumann Mar 2020
die flüsse aus schatten
spenden den vergessenen
wasser

isoliert von allen
lebenden um zu
tanzen

ihre silhouetten hinter
vorhängen, aufflackerndem, eine
chance

für die lebenden:
schärfen und fokussieren des
blickes

gib mir alles zurück
meine fürsorge die umarmungen
denk

nicht du würdest mich verlassen
ein dickes seil würd' ich nehmen
doch

alles zählt jetzt: keine abneigung
zuneigung die flüsse aus schatten erreichen
uns

wir können ihn nicht entkommen sie
sie sind so nahe
zahlreiche

bebilderungen unendlicher schlupflöcher
kinder erwachsene treiben in flüssen aus
schatten

der letzte vorhang
das letzte kerzenflackern
die letzte silhouette

"wir entkommen ihnen nicht" rufst du
"keine bange" brülle ich durchs rauschen
flüsse

wir werden zu einer kreuzung aus
wolf & löwin eine einheit eine
flüssigkeit

letzte echos stimmen und schatten
die flüsse verbleiben
die flüsse verbleiben
Heute ist ein guter Tag.
Souleater Dec 2017
Gemeinsam stehen wir hier,
hätte nie gedacht das du hier bleibst bei mir
Freunde die einen nie verlassen,
können sich nicht lange hassen
egal wie verschieden wir auch sind,
wir kennen uns gut wer was anderes sagt spinnt

Hatten Höhen und Tiefen,
waren nie gefangen wenn wir liefen,
waren gemeinsam frei,
waren eins und dennoch zwei
Freunde zu sagen ist zu wenig,
denn das hier ist Familie und hält ewig
haben Fehler begangen und geweint,
sie aber gerade gebogen bis die Sonne scheint
sich gegenseitig unterstützt,
denn wir wusste das alles andere nichts nützt

Jahre sind bereits vergangen
doch wir hatten nie Grund zum bangen
denn wahre Freunde bleiben und gehen nicht,
das ist etwas wo selbst die Gesellschaft nicht gegenspricht

Hätte damals nie erwartet das du mal ein Teil von mir wirst,
werde bei dir sein bist du alt bist und stirbst
Tratschen wie die Alten omis über die alte Zeit,
doch leben nicht in der Vergangenheit
gemeinsam waren wir als Freunde eins,
was mir war war dir und was dir war meins
kannten uns teilweise besser als uns selbst,
das ist der Grund warum es ewig hält ✌
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2019
i never write "anything"...
i'm claustrophobic when its comes to
exploring cognizance...

'wow! what a fancy word!'

i hardly beg to differ...
i hear of people fathoming the novel...
and...
i'm a monolith monstrosity...
some bourbon, some german:

ich bin gut zu gehen: ja!

spucke bourbon au zu mein gesicht!

i will never write a novel,
i deal with butchering an animal
for: ein stück von fleisch...

"a novel" und barockarchitektur:
sounds similar?

oh but it's a freel available tattoo
in the anglophonic frame of ref....
Hastings, 1066...
hard to come by when the tattoo reads...
ahem...

Tannenberg, 1410...
Vienna, 1683...

clear-cut... almost safe-net catch-em
while you can...
the Hastings folk were pagans...
don't you know?
don't you know that only white
people can be racist?

pst... ask the russians "about that"...
see what you come back with...
i will have to...
S'****** at the reply...
no... honestly: "because" it's forbidden for
us former iron curtain "roma" folk...
**** dastardly's dog: muttley... S'*******...
giggles in...
we former folk from the eisenvorhang...
coming across the californian:
siliziumvorhang?!
where are we... polacks...
hunagarians... czechs... estonians...
lithuanians... ukranians...
yugolz... at?!
we don't fit the narrative... do we?

it's the 27th of december...
and i'm "thinking"... it's mighty fine...
to celebrate something with the aestigermani!

the children of ***** sought a father...
the children of gomorrah were akin...
i do not know whether i am
a father figure or whether:
there's that pointless safety question
to mind: did i wear a ******?
i was assured! i was assured there were
contraceptive pills involved!

i'm tired on the usual steaming-heap
pile of warm ******* and ****
to give a psychoanalyst his rhetoric
elevated status of disinhibition...

cocktail! madonna's papa don't preach...
dusty springfield: son of a preacher man...
and any other formidable calypso
study of salsa... should this sugar baby
this sugar baby be my baby
and if i would never become a sugar daddy...

and because i was only ever looking
for the six oops-stones of womanhood...
infinity: eh... bag 'em one weekend...
forget 'em the next...

god... let me this one type of racist...
Jefferson keeping "green things" akin
to Zoe Saldana in some variation
of a "basement"...
i'm good with green...
use enough cumin, coriander or
cinnamon powder in your cooking...
you'll ask: what's wrong with green?
i'd **** green! i'd **** green sitting down
i'd **** green of the sort sleeping!
i'd peacock myself in many variations
of drunk to stage:
that one sober sort of **** with her
and... it's no samantha 38g and...
classics come to mind...
homer, horace... and plump models
of: extra cushions!

ha ha... i make myself laugh:
i make myself laugh because:
there's about zeo chance of me...
conjuring up a novel ambition...
me and a novel...
a "supposed" schizoid and a novel...
ha ha! Noel! Noel!

there was a time where i grew a beard for a reason:
i.e. exercise less..
grow a beard, hide the pride of a walrus
minus the harem...
double chin and the...
Zoe Saldana in green skin...
octopus fucky-fucky or what?

- never mind -

grow a beard... hide the shar pei...
i figured over time...
my beard became a giza pyramid
focus of my eyes...
it took some persuasion...
namely 4 years and my grandmother
finally pointing out:
oh look how thick it is...
she wanted to play g.i. joe with...
prior to: my hair...
like some thor meets barbier universe
dolls extravaganza...
a hard-on waiting...
with an ava lauren limp twist...

"oops".

now the beard is all about...
being 34 years old... while donning
the *** leftover skivvy look
inflating the organic body for a media
frenzy to "compenstate" it to be aged:
49!
ha ha...
i keep forgetting why i'm in such a good mood!
today is today! and i'm...
and i'm not allowing myself to succumb
to an anglophonic seriousness
of staging an elvis costello seriousness
of: everyday writing the novel...

pst: sounds better than that obvious...
"nook 'n' cranny"...

my alternatives!
minnesang - neidhart:
meie din liechter schin!

weihnachten ist erledigt!
weihnachten ist erledigt!
weihnachten ist erledigt!
weihnachten ist erledigt:
lassen uns singen!
lassen uns geben loben!
lassen uns männer verlassen
der mutterleib!

ensemble für frühe musik augsburg -
mayenzeit one neidt...

jetzt kommen der lieder:
zu gesungen! für alle das jahr!

i guess i grew a beard to hide a shar pei...
then again:
perhaps i grew a beard to pretend to
fiddle with a throng of violins?
perhaps i found growing my hair long...
i had to compensate!
i had to exfoliate in the downward
spiral and exchange...
oi! baldy! baldy!
i can juggle! i can juggle!
i can grow long hair and a beard!

but never the two at the same time!
germany and the nazis...
i just can't stiop thinking about
the lucky... those frivolous drunks
of the holy roman empire...
esp. when peering via their folk songs...
i call it: having to succumb to
english prune and pristine pressures...
even these days...
being wholy saxon is to be:
most unwholesome when it comes
to the german federation...

it's called cheating:
eatin saxon white soy
and not... riddling oneself
with Bavarian rye!

i'm drunk! it's the 27th of december!
the little ******* is born!
now i can celebrate!
chevalier, mult estes guariz!
on the 27th of december i can sing
german, and french crusader songs!

on the 27th of december i can celebrate!
nothing has to be left so innocent
and passive! so coddled!
and if they weren't singing byzantine
chants... prior to this day?!
let them sing no more!
i have found my happiness! once more!

Ö dies freude!
jetzt ich können: singen!
einst die kinder und engel...
ar legen zu bett!

if i am to be the integrated kind...
now i rejoice!
for i have all the reasons to rejoice!
i do no have to pander
to a babe!
i do not have to force myself
into elevated expectations with
a pre- litany of the omni- suitor...

now i can champion the romance
of the crusade...
i am... freed from the utopia...
that only one heart is allowed
to feel... and its feeling is to be contested...
solely by the sacrifice of a crucifixion...
not by iron maiden outlets "etc."...

now muttererde...
ihr liebhaber: wind - seine unterschrift!
weihnachten ist erledigt!
weihnachten ist erledigt!

it's the 27th of december and i can finally
celebrate with songs...
that... celebrate the sort of christianity
i am accustomed to...
french crusader songs...
german folk...
that i can stomach...
not this... pandering...
expecting the nuns to not...
somehow, not, become...
the ****** of the christ-harem!
a nun is a nun is a nun is a nun...
is a nun...
but i very much like...
being considered...
for... the better part of the feminine whim,
outside the realm of:
the usual rejection tactics of:
the aborted... i like my exercise of yielding:
DAS WORTE... ooh... chisel that
with a base goosebump strut to be worth
being added!

em... it's almost like that...
time-travel question of:
why not travel back in time...
and **** the baby adolf ******...
dunno... no point doing that with a jesus...
since... m'eh... his cross is our
genuflexion... yes: kind sir...
yes mr. greek and mrs. hebrew...
esp. in this script...
esp. when its alive and "we" debate...
the pronunciation of:

nil admirari prope res est una, Numici,
solaque, quae possit facere et servare beatum...
hunc solem et stellas et decedentia certis
tempora momentis sunt qui formidine nulla
inbuti spectent: quid censes munera terrae,
quid maris extremos arabas ditantis et indos
ludicra, quid plausus et amici dona quiritis,
quo spectanda modo, quo sensu credis et ore?

there's nothing to be surprised by, Numicious,
in this life's mainstay, peace of soul and happiness;
others, onto the sun, the stars, azure bodies...
on the round year of orbital changes, look with
a calm... and you would, upon the gifts of earth,
pearls of the sea, what of the distant Arabs,
Indians beyond the Arabs,
on the Kwiritow (googlewhack...)
Quiritus' honours, questionable plaudit: peer
raptured in awe without measure?

a very ******* bad a very ******* terrible
translation... as you do...
as you do... sinking into bourbon...
thinking about... maritza mendez...
sylvia loret... samantha 38G...
and all those lost plump classics of *****...

i would have sunk the Potemkin!
drunk... i wouldn't even require
a sober catch / scrutiny of "character"...
because now i am yet to translate
some latin, use this... ahem...
pseudo-cuneiform text:
"LATINE QUOD MORTUS EST"

perhaps that's mis-translated as:
qua: i.e. "as being"...
perhaps MIT... some runic...
or glagolitic... we AWAIT: the revival!
of the grand h'american protestant church
of apocalyptic wonder!
maybe, perhaps... "then"!

but it's the 27th of december...
the... "messiah" is born!
now we can reroute and go back to our...
current year... ***** and gomorrah type
of *******...
the cosmopolitan whoop-t'd'ah is 'ere!
come easter, come spring....
come the crucifixion! come the resurrection!
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
mit herz allein, und verstand verlassen.

of those who once lived by heart alone,
to be told to now live
by mind alone -
              if there be no greater sorrow,
this sorrow comes first.

are we to say that the mind is superior
to the heart?
  that what the heart wrote,
while the mind has only begun writing
is to give us the grand usurp?

how the mind has made the heart
so fickle, so tantamount in
                       seeking non-existing
shores or abides by laws of
   "******" nonetheless healthy mentalities
of unsaid genesis.

we have a spawn of history in our reach,
within a day we can catalogue
a century of years,
  with the crucifix 2000 years,
within a single day
we can be "reminded"
   of the ultimate genesis,
the foundation, the cowering stone
of homage...
          and yet, next tuesday,
we'll be sipping coffee in a cafe
bewildered by our infantile
and if not infantile, when insect-like
worries
         of re-arranging furniture
to suit our *feng shui
...
                          if only for the love
of music would our souls dare to breathe
their last composition of a sigh...
by my word,
   i'd leverage the remains of the hyper-psyche
of a woman's worth into the depths
of tartarus...
  so that the titans might grapple with it,
while hades, remaining hidden,
entertains nothing but song...
       and praises no god,
other than the golden ratio of harmonies!
so much distance between
   a da               &      the    sein...
       why not congratulate myself to succumb
to the inverse potency of the original,
and simply state:                jetztsein...
now, i am...
                                   jetzt, ich bin:
a colander through which imagination
is seived, but keeps memory intact...
that forevermore hidden cinema
                     that breathes a gust of
historical subjectivity into
              an ever-objective present,
toward no objectified past,
toward no objective that resounds
                       within the word: future.

oh how we once lived by heart alone,
   to have this char-smog-tar worth of
a heart evenly beating a rhythm
but no rhyme...
               how poetry devolved into
prose, and how prose aspires to poetry...
how we once lived by heart alone,
and mastered all those forthcoming pains...
to now live by mind alone...
    where the only place for a heart
to still be guiding, is to guide us toward
the most irritable path,
  the only path it now would seem
is welcoming our treading feet...
    and to think, we lived, some time ago,
by heart alone;
             i keep finding the need to live
my mind alone
   a harsh dictum -
               the brain inside a pickle jar...
         what heart remains,
has receeded to the confines of sporting
events...
         a collectivism...
                    a football chant...
            what sad events are to come
and prosper from such changes!
                        
to think, we once lived by heart alone,
with whatever agony, with whatever
gnaw of bone & limbs, and lived!

                       where there was once a heart,
there was beauty,
                 but where now there is nought
but mind, what rigidity,
                what little comfort
other than in the ease of menial toils,
what little comfort in a sleepless night...
what of life, if life be purely the domain
of the mind... and the agonising death of
both heart, and soul.
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2022
well... at least falling in love feels just as good
as being rejected...
i must be a hunchback or something...
                       not good enough:
not the right sort of: pump 'em 'n' dump 'em...
plus, get them pregnant...
not enough good enough boxer and a child-slapper...
well, fair enough...
it felt good for a while... as good as stomach
cramps go...
and as life goes....
   i think you can pull off a fu manchu moustache
and a long love patch... with a beard...
only if the former are blonde
   and the beard is dark ***** brown...
      fair enough... fair... enough...
                     back to the prostitutes i go...
i don't need this ****** roller-coaster...
back to the cold objectification of women...
less i feel the more i'll get... for what my body deems
necessary...
but i knew this was coming: oh how on earth
woudn't i have seen this coming?
i just said... well, you know... maybe me
and your son, Freddy, could learn German together...
and: oh for ****'s sake... i really like you!
i did't say love, i didn't say:
i want to sleep with you...
banana loaf i made? down the drain...
homemade wine? down the drain...
flowers on Valentine's day? down the drain...
ha... what's never down the drain?
£120 an hour for a *******... that's never down
the drain... that's somewhere else...
i'm suddenly the villain... she charges up
a conversation with: a 14 year old missing
in Rainham... apparently her cousin or something...
i told her i cycle to Rainham...
what? me? i kidnapped this kid?
why don't i care about the story...
when i'm trying to tell you i like you?!
if i were to care about all the people in the world...
have an emotional investment in their
down-trodden lives... i'd be subject
to a stampede in return!
i can't just... feel for someone!
                  there you are: trying to feel something
special, exclusive for someone...
while there she is... throwing the entire *******
world back at you!
she's playing her little games so bad
that i'm pretty sure these former, early,
glorious stomach cramps and butterflies will never,
return...
i've made up my mind...
        my eyes are a little bit foggy... my vision:
blurry... but i'm not crying... i'm refocusing myself...
i did say i was an idiot...
proven right, once more - and by whom?
myself...
           oh right... the eyes are back into focus...
i can return to my diacritical pet peeves & what not...
i guess i must have caught a bug
called in latin:
            in amor *** amor idea...
to be in love itself...
   in love with the idea of love...
because, hell... she was problematic from the get go...
i think i tried to delude myself thinking
i could love someone like her...
but if she has a kid... she's doing the mother-father
thing on her own... she's proud of her d.i.y.
antics... she swipes left and right on Tinder
in front of you... she's proud that her former
ex-boxer boyfriend clocks in with menacing
phone-calls on a Friday night...
   and she's happy about keeping him in the background:
even though he has a restraining order...
but she's still like: oh... what the hell...
now i see the bigger picture...
a guy, like me... free... no obligations apart those
to his family... cook, clean the house,
take out the garbage... writes... reads...
has a stash-load of books that would make
the local public library blush...
i'm... too complicated... she can't play me...
oh now i see the funny side...
     i can't be tamed...
i'm too spontaneous...
too erratic... now i see it: i just wanted to see
how far the rabbit-hole went before she
would inevitably bail out...
                          intellectual not high status enough...
needs that gilded cage...
bring in the doves with the budgies...
hell... sly a crow in there while you're at it!
she was already rigid in her ways...
i was just a welcome interruption...
little did she know...
i get my kicks from shadier places...
with shadier women...
  cheap thrill... thanks for the feelings...
all my own...
                               now scuttle back into your little
asylum of a life...
only today, while i was feeding my male
maine **** some fine turkey fillets...
i noticed his fur vibrate around his neck...
he was so excited / pleased & i was like...

   oh **** me...             PREDATOR!
not the sort of mimic rattle... but very much... akin...
i own a bonsai predator!
i never appreciated the xenomorph aesthetic...
i always sided with the predators...
krrr... whatever it is that the sound they make...
cats are close...
plus... like household plants... feed them...
water them once a week... and wait for them to make
advances for attention... otherwise...
oh... joy... they sleep... you just get to ignore them:
you do you, while they do them...

unlike women... do you really have to be cruel
in order for them to stick around?
are prostitutes the only women around these days
where you can play the classical roles of
a man? being tender, kissing, holding hands?
seriously?! sickness... i see the sickness is no
longer spreading... it's just well established...

again... what's missing? a 6 figure earning summary?
but why would i want to earn 6 figures...
if i only spend... the lowest possible mention
of 5?
         eh? save up? for what? a funeral at St. Paul's?!
well yeah... i earn in the frugal category...
i'm not going to earn more if i'm not having
to spend more... why earn more?
i don't see the sense of earning more than
i might spend...
and since i spend less than i earn
therefore i: earn enough... to spend enough...

no, it's a good thing... i could see too much longing
in that kids eyes... oh... another douschebag trying
to get it on with my mother...
o.k. Oedipus... o.k. Oedipal mother...
c'est la vie! c'est la vie!
  i too made my own bed...
              i'll gladly sleep in it...
i guess i sort of have to...
if he's the kid who has to take care of his hormonally
psychotic "aunt" of a mother...
well... all the better... vita non mea!
VITA NON MEA!

wow... what a relief! she spread rumours...
i could see on the last shift, the other "conspiring" girls
stood back keeping a distance...
i did say... the old proverb stands...
lies have short legs...
serpent...
                  no... don't tell her... that i know...
wait a while... she's do damage to herself...
and at first sight... oh my, oh my my my, my...
how i wanted to love her...

but the amount of crap i heard about her...
knife throwing was one of her speciality...
if a guy she's dating has to walk out of the house,
drink a whole bottle of wine...
and some beers... in  span of 20 minutes...
well... perhaps that's good of her:
telling me what i'm to expect if she has
one of her Oedipal-Mother tantrums...
like all single mothers with sons must go
through: to get back t the "patriarchy"...

damaged goods... like i said...
i love how some of these phrases sound in
Latin: oculus per oculus... an eye for an eye...
Latin, as a tongue... wasn't big of prepositions...
or conjunctions...
maybe there's  built-in safety-mechanism
with people who might cause you trouble... harm...
at least they're honest... they tell you upfront...
i.e. i'm capable of this... are you mad enough
to go any further... and ****... i was willing...

i was in love with the idea of love...
amor per se...
unlike a res per se: the Kantian noumenon...
of course the noumenon has no existence
to carve out man's intelligence...
we're talking amor per se...
res per se... das ding an sich...
we're talking Kierkegaard and the subliminity
of subjectivity: not as a vantage point
lesser to that of objectivism...
by being subjective implying:
in a storm... you're subjected to the storm's
"demands"... i am being subjected to something...
storm, the queen of England...
subjectivity is... unquestionable...
while objectivity... doesn't it...
question itself? ad nauseam?!

       that's why i prefer subjectivity...
in line of thought... in measure of assurance...
in the labyrinths of the narrative...
there's always more... less chance to come across
a cul de sac of "ideas"... anemic paraphrasing
by my estimate...
but hey... you never been to the dark alleys
with the Turkish or Romanian prostitutes...
your loss... not mine...
i'm done thinking i can idealise an English girl
as a bride... she can ******* to the Pakistani grooming
gangs...

             what?! that's not where most of them go, to?
oh, right... the pump  & dump schemes...
leave them on welfare...
               or... the types that box their *******
about... i'm not going to level myself to a standard
of barbarism in order to get laid... sorry... no...
but in the kid's eyes all i saw was...
i want to play Lego with you...

terribly sorry... Oedipus... Jocasta said: no...
this is the one and only time i tried
to attempt being a foster parent...
next time? no chance in hell...
i tried... in vain... well... that's one more vanity
project over & done with...
i wasn't here for her ****...
i wasn't here for her looks... her looking...
and cleaning skills...
she already had it figured out:
she doesn't need a man...
she doesn't... but... looking at the kid...
i'm pretty ******* sure he needs three-dimensionality
of being raised up...
obviously tarantula mama doesn't see it,
won't see... will die not regretting it...
but... come on!

at least someone who read more than 10 books in
his life... or... a ******* newspaper on a Sunday...
but like i told her already...
i'm Pontius Pilate at this moment...
i'm washing my hands, clean,
of this affair... i'm done...
another lost soul raised by the man-hating:
closer to Eden you come...
the further from heaven you shall become...

oh **** me, why am i complaining?!
i've just been about to barked at by a rottweiler,
bitten by a tiger...
shot stone cold by a **** sharpshooter...
yet i arrived on the playing field
unscathed like a Rasputin: after this 6th of
7th death... well... at least she was honest...
she was saying: you're pristine...
i don't want to touch you... get away from me!
get away from me! don't come too close!

well... c'est la vie! i don't mind, either way...
you lied about me once, tried to get me
fired... you'll lie a second time...
good enough that i managed to wriggle
in the tease... the carrot...
now look at you... stupid girl...
trouble with mad women trying to play
madmen... yeah...
that ol' chestnut! ha ha! ha ha! ah ha ha ha ha!

ich kommen sie mit die nacht...
ich kommen sie mit die stille...
   ich kommen sie mit der wind...
ich kommen sie ohne dich...
ich kommen allein...
             ich verlassen: allein...
ich bin allein:
ich bin... einsamkeit:                  FREI!
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2018
/i couldn't stomach the burden of a perfect german, hence this, algorithmusdeutsch... then again, like the Marovigian might have said: german is perfect, in making mistakes pretending to sound intellectual, barely clinging to a razorblade, suffice to say: when drowning... but at least german, a cushion, and a pristine canvas to dig trenches, blush a zeppelin warhead plop into London cement... and then mind the Bavarian whittle shittenholen... enz... must be enz, und plu- arable... namely remnants of a day, and an unfinished crossword puzzle...                  
        
           vorher narzissus,
   schattensuchende
    klatschen ein gla-ß-ee,
und entstehen
     ein gehockt krähe-
lauren,
          sheutod...
      carboxylic açid

and all things germanic...
slingshot into elder saxon
and back into
cosmopolitan *******,
a timid fungus like a tongue
hiding in a pyramid of
   signatures in bones from
within the grave;

   hard to imagine
that it took a ******* hog snout
to become a botanical
Sherlock 'olmes...

       as ever,
   the Cockney Surd...
namely 'aching,
   which translates itself
outside of the local 'appenings...
   odd: the laugh is yet
to be perfected.

- playing the xylophone
   at the nativity play -

       schatten, schatten
  werfen on ein(e) mauer...


occupational hazard,
  like the saxon N
    in between vowels to avoid
a tongue numbing spiral,
an eye rather than a eye...
gambled through two faces:
a 6 and a 2...

lost coordination with
the poly- prefix germanic
of: the the the (point),
id est -
post scriptum:
   I'll ensure that tongue of
theirs will become a *******
saxophone,
than a timid wrigglingua testimony
of a tapeworm...

   came the pillar of Atlas
and the Zeno talltale of
Achilles and the tortoise,
before the mile became a kilometer,
subsequently
       a metre, centi-, milli-...

and 0 = the perfect divisor
     "number":

  far cry from the Kantian negation
made compact, like
everything Kantian, per se,
compact packaging,
******* tourist he would have been,
if first he left the routine,
and then Königsberg...

          last time I checked though,
I have my A through to Z...
   0 isn't exactly a number if not
a doughnut tale of a squashed
omicron...

    pity they managed to undermine
words... funny...
from words came the icon...
    oddly enough painters are
in the confines of the same asylum
criteria of desperation...

colours are apparently a tier above
words... oddly enough...
words can conjure images,
colours... a look at them being
expressed, and they thought
cubism was bad....

    ******* are all other the place...
and if they are not contemplating
punctuation marks,  
they should be showing syllables,
and if they're not even doing that,
we'll,  my friend: diacritical
marks are the highest asking...
I'd love to see a truly punctuated
painting...

   a painting is one thing:
but the work in progess to accompany
the harsh censorship of
the artistic masochism,
    is quiet another...
a painting is hardly going to be
utilised into a chair...

          sollte ihre spiegelung
   verlassen du,
     als geieraustern: innereien...
schauen ihre schatten...

as ever, within each language,
at least a few letters spare,
namely the remnants
of a once great monopoly
and power broking priesthood,

that ****** aesthetic of
epsilon and eta...
      remains of the day and
the castrato singalong
     remnants of Greek in:
the sigh in dentistry...
   prior to the sleep and the wisdom
teeth being pulled out,
asking
       the anaesthetician: quo vadis?

- because they never actually tell
you, to take treat antidepressants
akin to amitryptyline as if they're
sleeping pills...
              just before bedtime...

    a ******* knockout to boot,
and my joy at a ***** popsicle...
because I would never think
about drinking with someone,
and that misery of conversation,
or the current, generic,
exasperating poetic maroons
   without a Defoe in sight...

and word that became flesh
that became an image...
           such the poverty of language,
but words, but words they bellow
like cretins who never
saw a cow being towed into
a slaughterhouse, bellowing
a torturous epiphany too late...

orange that didn't become an Ibizian
freshly squeezed hangover cure,
and more an O'Hara opinion,
     so more to the point:
words, just words they say...

   hope to high hell and the gates
of Tartarus that I never ask such
people for directions...
   namely they'd speak that
  right is "right"
    or the upper tier of
Copernican ronin...
       flimsy ******* luck,
coming across this cult
      of aluminum wrapped
  on their heads:
           humanity reboots.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2020
the wind: the stormfront
that bridges
a forefront... a breaking
of a knuckle: the erasure
of a concept that's the width
of the Vistula river...
an encompass thus tamed
thus groaned:
this bemoaning escape
from a load of:
a people... heave!
heave!
in deutsche!
ein verstand das verlassen:

heute! morgen!
ob is gut:            mein betreffen?

if i were hebrew i might heave
a cosmopolitan...
coonquest h'america...
a people: right arm... mein ast:
dies schwankend "es"...

freiheithohlgeben:
strict! learn your lesson...
prussian translates back
into galician.. and silesian...
how i fell and came across
all that's superficially "love"...

as i heard?
born & bred...
all sire mr. hire thai?
english whittle...
   ancient lot of SAS...

   und etwas...
               besste:   schtille...
                                 eh?!
promenade mein teil!?
nein neu trauer?!

this new breeding of *****...
and all that leather...
all those pickling of clarity juices...
taming bite...
taming hours and aeons of script...
this deutsche holy...
my... konrad wallenrod:
nobly cursed... his.... his...

          my middle nay-m'eh among
scotch iranian...
this little heave...
  soul grieving...
       von wallenrode...

ich bin!
               spielzung mit ein kind!
jetzt mich!

jeztz oder nie!
hier: gehalten...
   hohl... und nichts;
und zirkus auf schatten.

mein beste kleidung von
            dämonlachen -
   glaubensbekenntnis-aus-stille...

zähne! zähne! lächeln!
Deine unverkennbare Stimme neben ihr,
eure eng anliegende Sportkleidung,
immer bist du noch derselbe hochgewachsene Junge
Ich sehe es jetzt
Meine Beine sind schneller, sie machen auf dem Absatz kehrt
Dein Blick in meine Richtung, den ich nicht mehr erwidern kann
Und meine feuchten Wangen als ich zuhause ankomme
Der Wunsch niemals die Wohnung verlassen zu haben
So viel Reue und Misstrauen, in Jahren gebündelt
Haben wir zugegeben, dass wir uns entwachsen sind und dass das das Ende ist?
Ich nehme es uns nicht übel
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2021
i was once told: children & animals like you, a sign of being a good person - but here i am, going around with the axiom that can be found at the opening of Dostoevsky's the Karamazov Brothers lent from Faust: who are you? i am of that power that forever will evil & eternally works good... my modus operandi... i can't think of myself as benevolent: for benevolence i implore myself to find it spontaneously, on a whim... i adore the frivolity of chance & the 8 winds... in this realm of orbs in orbit: that imploded... when the stars explode... another favorite quote of mine... to angels - vision of god's throne... to insects: sensual lust...

from time to time my mother gets a visit from
a manicurist / pedicurist...
i was informed prior that she was coming
round with a friend of hers...
Ilona... i never have luck with women's names...
that she's breaking up with her husband,
living in England she built up a taste for some
exotica: if he wasn't black he must have have been
Indian... one child already: so i asked -
back to the orthodoxy of a schnitzel,
some beta-buck deluxe...
thank god i'm not making much money,
thank god i don't like having too much money
to spend, thank god i rather walk into Bower Wood
or Havering County Park... leaving Havering-atte-Bower
& emerging somewhere near Hainault or Chigwell Row...
i was to be scrutinised...
so i was... apparently she fancied a Scandinavian
physiognomy... do i have a Scandinavian physiognomy?
well... accents of leftover blonde...
moustache / what trim of hair below the lower lip...
soul patch...
i put on some vinyl...
wooden shjips 5... then some miles davis: kind of blue...
then maanam's night patrol...
standout tracks: love is like *****
& Krakowski spleen...
but i wasn't expecting to be a ******* nanny...
lucky me for being as cool as a cucumber
in the presence of 4 women...
sitting in front of about 7 prostitutes in a brothel...
well... gives you ***** like watermelons...
we talked about our adoration for Scots...
come new years eve these isles are awash
with lyrics of a Scot: aud lang syne...
i bemoaned that the Scots don't really speak
their language... oh sure... on the islands...
but they care much for the trilled-R rummaging
in accent than actual: language...
do the Scots have a concept of etymology?
even though the Welsh are ***-licking or rather:
licking the end of a stick with their union
with the English: they have this blind obedience
of keeping their language... why did the Scots
just focus on how differently they speak English?
great... what an accent! highlanders: singing...

4 women... the running joke started:
maybe you should start a nanny service...
since one was only 11 months old...
pulling faces... peering into those soulless eyes...
regrets? oh hell no...
i pushed the narrative: what's really different
between tending to children "vs." petting cats...
less fur... but as much unpredictability:
perhaps more with infants than cats...
one extreme: cats...
in the middle infants... somewhere a muzzle,
a leash: the dog...
we're not talking about rearing cows or
jiggling around cannibalistic chickens...

could i be a father? all toddlers look "androgynous":
just like all old people look the same...
well, "not the same": but there is a common thread...
it takes much time, much patience,
a lot of time spent not being coupled to a unit
that's beside the individual,
pulling faces... sticking out the tongue,
rummaging with raised eyebrows...
rereading Morse + Braille...
perhaps i have a regret...
not being able to see a little Frankenstein passed down...
accents of my features mingled with a mother...

ocean of free time (maanam) -
the children of strangers...
sitting in my lap...
intuitively she asked me for food: when she was hungry...
jesc... i'm pretty sure she said that word...
and how gloriously she expressed when she
started to feel tired... but couldn't fathom
the automation of impeding sleep...
she rebelled against sleep for a while...
she wanted to be awake... sleep finally conquered her...

Nietzsche: the tender hands of a cyclops....
black Madonna, black angel...
***** after *****: the head in smoke...
alcohol is flowing...
czarna Madonna, czarna aniol...

like the ancients Roman Caesars...
who were very willing to raise children not
of their own seed...
i can imagine myself being a stepfather...
i can... having frequented a brothel one can
fathom the promiscuity of women & allow it
to happen on the sly...
i just want enough silence & freedom
to read a ******* newspaper...
spend an hour typing... listen to music
utilizing headphones...
****-off into the night, watch the constellations...

obviously the finger she used for searching for
teeth in her own mouth ended up on my lips...
the beard finally arrived at the proper right
of fascination as she started to tug & pull at it...

lion...
          patriarch... but we're talking about
the relations between complete strangers...
my mother was getting a manicure & a pedicure...
i was a nanny for a 11 month babe... bambino...
then the thought: oh ****...
but what happens when they become
individuals... they learn to speak...
when you can't influence them?
when freedom overpowers freedom?
when you're no longer left with the sort of stagnation
impasse of petting animals?
what happens when thought arrives
& orientates counter to your original investment?

other peoples' children are fun:
for the spare hour, for the afternoon...
because there's the toddler...
or the clouds... or imaginary backgammon or chess
peering into a brick wall...
i don't know why animals & children like me...
come to think of it...
all the Medusa ugliness of sensuality...
great... sure... fun...
but i also have to...
   having a ******* in my arms...
having a toddler on my lap...
having my beard pulled....
            like only an uncoordinated shell of a future
being that's receptive...
receptive to the one dimensionality of
meaning,
the two dimensionality of exchange
& the three dimensionality of nuance...
metaphors, metaphysics... puns...

she started to mimic me clucking...
making onomatopoeias while fidgeting in my lap...
before i gave her a bottle of milk,
covered her with cushions
all prior to her hour's worth of snooze...
it would be so painful to have a bambino of my own...
i'd sooner gauge out my own eyes
than see the immediacy of the accents of
my genes being passed down...
i'd abhor seeing her or, him, make worse mistakes
than i have made...
fun when they're still blank slates...
cat-esque...
but not when they begin their adventure into
the realm of autonomy...

eh... not so bad with cats:
some ref. to a "stagnation" or...
how Kierkegaard posited: the changelessness of god...
itchy fingers though... this awkward little ****** body
the softness of her hair
so little of it... caressed to ease falling asleep...
the frown arrived at from tiredness....
i know, honey-bear... that you're tired...

what a Frankenstein i could possibly spawn,
the architecture of what's to become the supposed
holy grail of the sovereign individual...
best kept to bambinos of strangers...
not my own:
to think that i might **** up someone with my own
idiosyncrasies...
there's a freedom associated with tending to
responsibilities...
but there's also enough freedom available
when tending to having a Pontius Pilate approach...
i wash my hand clean of the tumult of impeding
affairs...

reading Rousseau for the first time: for the flirt...
somehow... it was impeding...
hanging like Damocles' sword...
or Ockham's razor...

i still don't recognise Warsaw as the capital of
Poland... maybe i should...
there's only Cracow:
i "think" that i come from "somewhere":
arguments... etymological faux pas antics...
Slavic derives the word Slave...
last time i heard: Slowo: word...
to be a wordsmith... but i can forgive
the Anglo-Saxons... because i can...
they still shy away from someone deriving
an ethnicity akin to... an Anglo-Slav...
irritating little addition of E?

γράφω σε Ελληνικά?
any better?
of all the languages that Latin loaned...
"loaned"... arrived at...
English... the only tongue without
orthographic distinctions...
the French have their acute E...
the Ninyo of the Spaniard's N...
lazy ******* *****... but i love them for their:
laziness...

there's this quote concerning
Charles Dickens' the Pickwick Papers...
the tragedy comes having read it...
great! i'll make sure to never finish reading it!
i'll read some books "on the side"...
Charles, though: makes this point about
orthography... surely to mention orthography
you need to employ diacritical markers...
you don't employ them...
orthography becomes a ****-show meaning
of what's otherwise excused with:
oh... he's dyslexic...
it's just a spelling mistake...
not that you might require an "extra" tau in words
like: fatter... better... but... it just looks
geometrically adequate...
"excess" consonant... Germanic tongues concerning
a Slavic tongue...
too many ******* vowels...
you Latin lend-overs...i raed: i red... i reed...
come on... savvy up...

there's no discussion... pop, mainstream is going one
way... but the under-currency of argument
is finding... the sea... the tidal wave...
the many veins of rivers...
nein!    nein!             nein mohr!
genug!                               mohr!

verlassen lassen mich sein!
   und nein! ich: ja!

come to "think" of it...
my mother would make a...
terrible grandmother...
my mother would make a *******
terrible grandmother...
thank god i don't...
i didn't allow my genes a pass...
i couldn't...
allow my genes to pass....
it hurt my heart...
when i learned that...
women were the only ones
who acknowledged a past...
she could keep her mother,
her father...
while the man had to erase his
past...
o.k. *******...
*******!
          
no.... butter i... *****-load...
pretty woman... pretty guess...
i'm not buying into the "idea":
sorry, *******...
my mother, is somehow...
less... than... a mother-in-law?
******* woman... **** this supposed
guise of existence...
now i have the power:
dodo power... i get to:
keep up with the blisters....
man-up... man-****-off!
i#'ll eat your whittle white nights.

— The End —