stuborn is the sun rising and setting, bringing forward time whether it is welcome or not. a cautious word, don't be so empty as to live in an echoes range hearing the past talk to as if it were present. Don't be so full not to be able to swallow your own pride.  do not wait for the right time, it is unsavable, time.

Way down in the Water, I
   stand still.
As you want me to,
   as Always.
Hide, and Survive.

Tired, so exhausted I
   am now.
Don’t mess it up, just no,
   would you?
Slip, keep silent.

He ain’t got no good,
  he ain’t got no right,
he ain’t got no chance,
  to pick on my Brother.
Make it easier.

Take a good, nice sip
   of you.
It will never, in a long time,
   be enough.
Slowly, be aware.

You just can’t see it,
   can you?
He just wouldn’t listen,
   would he?
You need no to ruin.

Dream it Beautifully, with
   no sense of dread.
Tend a Rabbit, get a
   Garden full with pretty
softy things and,
   you’re with me.

Have it come true, please,
   in a world like this,
with a guy like you,
   in so many ways, I
somehow speechless.

Help, live it out loud
   please help.
I want this I want this,
   life could be so cruel
Still, with you I am
   safe, as a sleeping
Child in a cave.
   You’ve found me.

Because I got you and,
   you got me.
We got each other.

As Innocence fade away, all
   you have left, son,
is guilt, and there’s no
   turning back.
Unsavable, this time.

The very Scent of her
   takes away the
Smell of the Bunk House.

Shut it, don't ever,
   you can never lay a
sight on her.
   Take it in, for it’s
Not just another hell
   I’ve given you.

Mean to be lost, him,
   alone from the beginning.
Can’t deny so,
   you choose to destroy.
Loudly, **** him.

I think I knowed from
   the very First.
Thought I could stop, but
   it happens anyway.
Run, not again.

Love me, if you’re still
   capable to do it.
As all these time, you
   know what is the
Best for me,
   don’t you?

What’s now, I’ll listen,
   I really will, and
have them Remember
   like I never have.
Leave, let’s not.

As you want to,
   As you want me to,
As you want me to want us to,
   Choose, to see
the Truth in you.

You hear it, can
   you see? Just, close
Your eyes and imagine.
   Bang.

Trying to find my way into you
I let you have your way with me
Begging from my knees that
All I want is you
Am I so unlovable because that's true?
Am i Unreachable because you don't touch me the way you used to
Unsavable  trying to stay afloat
These seas of turmoil and lost hope
Unforgivable when words cut straight through
Leaving  us with these open gapping wounds
No use talking when words fall upon deaf ears
No use crying when you've seen so many tears
Dreams are made of clay when they never quite come true
Am I so unlovable when all I wanted was you?
You lift me up just to watch me fall
**** with head like its nothing at all
Why dont you just hold me baby the way you used to do?
What makes my lonely heart feel this way?
Have we become impossible to save?
You get close to my skin and
I reach to touch you but
You wont let me in
Why wont you surrender?
I'm the only one left when your day is done
And yet my heart bleeds
As I become so unlovable to you

I lied when I said that I fell in love with you.
No.
I leaped.
I dove.
I
Jumped.
I threw myself right off that edge and made it look like I fell.
And now I'm so damaged from the crash,
That nobody recognizes me.
They can't ID the body.

Now I have no one to blame but myself for this pain,
For the cuts
and the bruises that come with loving you.
My heart,
Is unsavable.

Strength is irrelevant.
A tolerance for pain only shows you're used to it.
To be honest,
I wish I felt a little bit more,
So I know I can still feel.
But self harm is a no-no.
And anger towards others is as well.
So what do I do?
Do I prowl the streets looking for victims?
Or do I sit in the closet,
Hacking at my wrists,
Trying to sever my connection with reality?
Do I silence the pleas for help?
Do I scream louder?
Is someone drowning trying to keep me afloat?
I hope not.
I'm not really worth the effort.
Slipping beneath the waves,
May be just the release I require.
So if you're trying to help me, don't.
You'll end up with lungfulls of water,
And a regret you couldn't save the unsavable.

When you think of me I hope that you smile,
not think about how i suffered for a while ..
I'm sorry I couldn't get better
This is my suicide letter...

Please know its not your fault you never could've known
but this sadness has lingered far too long and secretly had grown.
I couldn't tell you tho, cuz i didn't have the heart,
i couldnt bear to see it in your eyes when i told you we would part.
Don't ever think that you weren't enough, i swear you almost saved me.
But this world is so corrupt, please know that i love you baby...
And mother don't waste a prayer on me, I'm unsavable.
I tried to help myself but I'm incapable.  
No meds no therapist no ******* psych ward,
Nothing could save me not even your dear Lord
Your unconditional love was unbelievable
Your kindness and big heart, unbeatable
And to my father, I know im appearing weak
I'm sorry I couldn't be strong like you raised me to be
You showed me discipline but also affection
It's not your fault I took to this direction
To my sister, you were always there for me
I was psychotic and you made me feel accepted and free
I will never forget how understanding you were
But the rest of my life feels like a ****** up blur
To my brother, you protected me and were my inspiration
Teaching me what you knew and your beautiful dedication
I couldn't have asked for better surroundings to grow up by
I know you're reading this and asking "then, why?"

I dont even ******* know...

There's no way to explain this empty pit in me
There's no end in sight to this dark misery
I'm surrounded by loved ones yet i feel alone
I feel darkness deep inside and cold to the bone
Let these cuts release the demons that have made me this way
I'll be free from this world before tonight turns to day
The world will keep spinning and nothing will change
My soul will be free as just my body remains
Be happy for me cuz I escaped the dark
And now i can stay peacefully in your hearts

Thank you all for trying your best
But now i must go, and put my soul to rest

When opens a new page
time and space
breaks in the middle
When opens another
The whole world
Collapses

Layer by Layer
When we peel off every day
Our world
-unsavable space
breaks and collapses
indefinitely

Every tomorrow
Our world
is doomed to fall in
a trap of
infinity

。。。
。。。

I hate this so much
When I haven't been numbed
By society's icy disposition
And nothing has told me I am horrid
Or that I am nothing
I'm feeling again
And the feeling isn't dread

The forest of fears
Has captured my heart
It has told me
I can do anything I want
Just as long as I give up my mind
With only a blink,
I say no
But I wonder if the Forest knew I was feeling again
So just in case, I wasn't feeling it
I should start feeling pain.
But I hate feeling, I hate that I am vulnerable again
Even though I have always wanted someone
To save me
But I am unsavable
Because I am my own soldier
Who is so ******* tired of feeling