I've noticed the saddest days of my life have frequently been accompanied by heavy rainfall. It's almost like all of heaven is crying with me, or showering me with the grace to cry alone. Either way or neither way, I am grateful that the clouds darken my face as the tears flow unrelentlessly. Pouring pain from my soul to ready for more. The more the tears flow, the deeper the pain grows. Is there no end? Tears overwhelm me like a flood. Gasping for air in the pit of loneliness. Groping at the walls of hopelessness only to have it slip through my fingers and cover me with its sludge. To feel loved and hated by the same. To be looked upon in utter disdain. To be silenced in words that cut out the fight. To be defeated and left all alone with a self I can hardly condone. The loathing without has now turned within and grows with each breath I take. A smile will create the mask to wear that hides the pain inside. They'll never know the darkness yet grows until I am swallowed within. The sound of the break as strong as a quake that shudders the walls of its part. Tear asunder the thoughts I now ponder grinding them all to a halt. Where is the light that once was so bright it blinded the eyes that would see? How can I face how pain has erased the light that once was in me? The tears fail to wash the darkness away but instead leave a river of blood. Flowing from what was once my heart and is now a soul-wrenching flood. Good-bye heart and all that you feel I wish not to feel you again. Break from your place of utter disgrace and shatter with all of your pride. Crumble and fall for once and for all leaving no pain inside.

Have you lately realized
How much self absorbed
Heterosexual amorphous
Hominem ad narcissists
Love their oneorientation
Love their self esteem pen
Love their uncanny purse
Love their rightful rituals
They abide to admiration
They wear polite persona
They share unrelentlessly
They know salt and peppa
Immortal talent n'crowd
Inspiring dear friend days
Interrupting pink panther
Integrity by wild abandon.

I've become so numb due to the unforgivable things I've done
And I know you'll still hate me by the end of this
but I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I'm in searing pain every night
but I'm getting better during the day.
It was you who always said
"pills won't take the aches away
pills won't make you feel okay
pills won't get you through the day,"
and you were right, because my antidepressant was YOU.
But when you, unlike the medication, decided to walk away
I turned to the orange bottle
because it remains constant,
it is the friend you never were,
it is the lover you would never be,
it doesn't make promises it can't keep,
and it doesn't make me wonder every waking moment of my life whether or not this day is the one it leaves me.
No, that day won't come.
But it did with you.

And now, as I drown in sorrow that floods my eyes like the happiness that used to flood the burning and gaping holes in my heart,
you unregretfully, unrelentlessly bask in the memories of the sunny summer days we spent in the park,
lying with him and to him, wearing nothing but the t-shirt I gave you so long ago.
Whether you proverbially or physically slapped me in the face, it doesn't matter, because either way I'm lying here shaking and in pain,
with hate in my heart, and regret pulsing out of my veins onto the raw skin of my wrists.
No, there can't be a new dawn,
I don't see a new day coming
but I know you do, and that kills me the most.
And after all of our love-and-war tug-of-war ******* is over and done,
contrary to previous belief, I wasn't your only one.
I wasn't your hero,
I let you down,
and you won't even talk to me long enough for me to apologize.

She's surrounded by people
yet she is alone
Her misery hangs in the air like smoke
She feels as though she's trapped in a box
with no way to escape
Like a permanent marker
she can't erase the pain
She can't bear to look in the mirror
for fear of what she'll see
Her shame is a loyal dog
following her unrelentlessly
The sun has quit shining
and clouds fill the sky
and rain pours down from her eyes
She tries to hold on
but the pain stabs like a knife
pulling her under and dimming the lights.

I hear you clock
Every tick, and every tock
As you move, unrelentlessly
Into the future
In the meantime
You stand witness
And you are also part of
The passing of time
With no time for yourself
My only contribution
Is my ageing
Sometimes i curse you
As if it's your fault
As time seemingly
Hurries me towards
My final destination
Where time will no longer
Have any meaning
But you, my clock
May not realise
You are dependent on me
As i am your carer
As i feed you
You, the giver of time
Me, the giver to time
As i insert fresh batteries
Into your back
Behind your face, and hands
Else time for you
Would stand still
So when i die
You will in time follow
Unless i throw you out of my window
And watch time fly

by Jemia