You used to be so obvious. I wanted you. But never like this. I didn't realize a few drunken kisses could change so much. You are no longer the boy I want to have meaningless ****** relations with. I want you. I want you to hold me. I want you to make sense of this seemily impossible puzzle that is my mind. Maybe its because you are the perfect mix of the man I once loved and the opposite of him. Or maybe its because that kiss we shared blurred by a drunken haze somehow made how I really felt clear. Or maybe its the emotional inavaliability of both our minds, still blinded by two people of genetically hypnotic blood that will never feel the same. But whatever it is, it made me want every part of you so much more.

1
You were my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first grown up moment
older, seemily sophisticated
you had this idea that the world was lucky to have you in it
a god complex like no other
and let me tell you, you had 15 year old me,
convinced
I felt lucky
I felt old and sophisticated
and although
you were just a bump in my road
I'm thankful I knew someone like you
I think of you from time to time
I remember you with giggles
and innocence
as well as with ice cream and tears
oh how sweet and naive a 15 year old can be
#2
You've always been my favorite.
stood tall, sweet
you thought I was the best thing that ever happened to you
I swear you would've tried to move those mountains
just to see me dance with a smile
you loved me with pure intentions
and a sparkle in your eye
I'm sorry I ruined that love story for you
you deserve a great love story more than any of us
to the first boy I ever loved,
it felt like magic. didn't it?
heart flutters and forehead kisses
faded all too quickly
I think of you from time to time
I hope you find the girl who holds your great love story in the palm of her hands
oh how sweet a first love can be
#3
I call you the lion in poems
you took whatever innocence I had left in my fragile frame
I never had seem evil with my own two eyes until I met yours
you gave me a pit in my stomach and a fear in my heart
you showed me some actions can never earn forgiveness
and some people are so ugly
they don't deserve love
I think of you from time to time
especially in the nightmares
I hope you shutter at the thought of my name
thanks for teaching me how to bring a power hungry man to his ******* knees
I won't forget that lesson
oh how sweet a corrupt man can be
#4
my muse
you have been the subject of my words since the day I laid eyes on you
brilliant, brave and bold
you are the root of any and all
of my inspiration
how could anyone not fall for you
no one ever warned me about the sad brown eyes
and the sulky smile
no one ever told me the greatest loves
make for the most epic heartbreaks
you are a wicked man my love
but if there's anything this heart of mine beats for
it's a troubled boy begging for a home
I let you in, no trouble at all
it's getting you out, thats been a little more difficult
I think of you all the time
days on end, minutes on high
my mind is polluted with the images you left for me to find
I hope you know,
my baby is you. till the end of time
oh how troubling a life saving love
can be

In the well of my mind, is a voice.
A voice not entirely my own.
Beckoning me to travel deeper,
Within my own subconscious.

Though, if I listen,
I come to a place wholly unfamiliar.
Seemily outside the bounds
Of my own thought or reason.

And the voice says to me,
"Come now just a little deeper.
You are so close to seeing the truth,
With the scales peeled from your eyes."

Never have I seen
What comes after these words.
I always wake up in a sweat,
As if my body itself wishes to spare me

From some long forsaken iniquity,
That resides only within
The dark recesses of the mind.

somewhere in the delicately orchestrated seemily meanless phrase 'I love you' there is significance
well how do you expect anyone to find it when you spit it down the throat of every women who has ever made you feel good whilst simultaneously ******* her soul off her tongue young college boy
that is to say i've seen heartbreak i watched him shoot it, beat it and sure as hell defeat it
how can I say this so you will understand she hears your lies wrap around her ankles as she ties her laces
she feels your god dam carelessness rhythm in her ears as she plays piano
she sees the heart she wished you had beat venomously out of her chest as she says to the bar man 'on more on           him'

you loath in her finger tips desperately awaiting to be shaken
but there is nothing that can awaken what you've so shamelessly broken

the fragments of you still dust off of the shower curtain as she pulls it across so vigorously desperately trying to forget the first night you met

the pieces of you that were left behind make sure that you never leave her mind or even begin to find what could once be kind

she never believed the line she always doubted the love she said it was the way he finely dots his i's and crosses his t's
this is to say she knew that when you want to express love it really is no careful hand written letter it's a drunken night on a step when in the mist of the giggles you accidentally just amplify it as if it were so lost in the love

the deluded reality that is no longer you, how can it feel so far from true when you first touched me roses turned violet and the grass turned blue now when you touch me
i softly say
don't

what a shame it is indeed, the girl who believed in glitter and rainbows is now drowning in a sea of not so perfect love

that's the thing about love it's drawn as a beautiful ******* picture one you'd frame or hang on your wall but in reality love is what ***** the life from within you destroying your barely salvaged soul whilst watching you drive a pole into the hole

while this was supposed to be about the petals falling from roses as he withdraws his promise you always keep you close
it became a blood bath of my guts and honesty
that's the thing about love it makes you accidentally honest at the worst of times