Material things don’t entice me
Empty promises don’t  count as a remedy
Flowery words are pleasing to the ear
With apparent intentions clear

Is this just an infatuation?
An effect of my subtle imagination
This relentles game of tug of war
How I wish it wouldn’t end up in a scar

All I know is that I’m tired of this dance
Might as well give us a chance?
You have gone way past this armour
Consistency, that is all I am asking for

I STILL EXIST- I STILL EXIST
My pen writes
I still Exist

and an empty feeling engulfs me
I am painting a purple tree
I tell my family counselor
That the paint reminds me
Of arsenic Greek cheese dust
That a human predator
two faced fiancee
placed on my green salad in 1976
He said he would teach me how Greeks killed with love at sea
Then kindly offered
To bring
breakfast and lunch
for me in bed
(Ladden with poison)
While I ate it he danced Zorba the Greek!
His jealous raicist medeas mistresses knew his past crimes
I didn't I was very naive
his superstitious ignorant parents twelve people  asked him to Get rid of me baby and all

Overdosed with pitocin for a cow
giving birth was a torture
then blood thinners
were added to slowly
end my life
A hate crime because I a sub human born in Mexico not Greece
The poisons caused
a chest malformation of my daughter requiring surgery
later in life was mis-diagnosed
as pectus scavatum
but I knew better it was
attempted ******
a chilling secret I was so ashamed to reveal

I did escape my kids and me
we survived  the memory
of my true love's loving ways
In America saved me from certain death there I was 75 lbs
When I escaped Hell
Greece
But salads gave me
Nausea through the years
I could never recall why

Painting gets my mind
Off painful memories
resurficing examining my life understanding me and others

I have many regrets unwittingly
my loving innermost feelings
remained trapped inside
and I lost my true love
in my dead calm silence of pain
Foolish online Ink
One involuntary bad deed
In Veracruz
Two SAD songs

My shrink says I have a beautiful
Soul a relentles spirit
That I managed to do better then
Most despite hellish adversity
A childhood marred with
heartbreak a trail of
Graves tree stumps
Coffin and treassures
Spirit breath of life and death
  
My hybrid race was secret
Poverty lack of Rhogam
My father the Apocalyto
Hero killed by MEX Feds
Who stole my Land
We are indigenous
Purhepecha tribe
The enemy of the Aztecs
So me my father's little queen of the forest his STAR could
Fly high and zoar
He was the love of my life
My dad David

A few days of effexor RX can bring about amnesia to block old kidnapping memories of turture resurficing unsolicited
Effexor to stop tears
regulating serotonin disrupted
After a car accident with traumatic head injury concoussion brain swelling so much that falling asleep for three months was impossible

MD prescribed just a trial
few warp eight mind bending Effexsors serotonin reuptakers
For only fifteen days
Half of thirty seven mg
Tears stopped immediatly a calmnesss
self assured old me demeanor
re-emerged I remember the arsenic and blood thiner injections the faces of sadistic jealous women but it didn't hurt

But soon my heart began to speed up so fast I could hear it beating in my ears at lowest dose

so the higher dose was not allowed.
Side effects if used longer than six months could make the
face to twich! who needs that!

So therapy ended slowly redusing small to smallest dosages for fifteen days
treatment ended
Don't like messing with my brain

Today I enjoy simple pleasures
echos born like me in
In the atlantic mystery

family time my lifetime best
best lover best Mother
nest friend to me myself
Remembering those few
Souls
Who deared greatly
their wisdom and foresigh to bet
On my future my light myself!
my father's little
Queen of the forest tribute to
My Once Upon A Time
True love his love songs
His poems quickening me
Awaking me
He was the love
Of my life my true love JPC/RC

He showed me he loved me
But he never could "tell me"
He loved me all my fault
Thinking back not ever
any other man told me
he loved me one or two boys wanted something from me freely given or taken by force from me
I didn't want them at all
No person growing up
Ever
Told me they loved me and most showed me my life didn't matter
many of my civil rights were violated throughout my life by thugs hainas had more charm
Only my father David San chez
and later my adoptive Mother mommy dearest told me once she loved me showed me she cared.
My children tell me and show me
They love me
Sometimes they hate me too
sadly they are under the spell of deadly sterile drug user enemies who assassinate my character lie and slander me to my grown daughters and I have now become estranged until they figure all out on their own so they learn to fight woolves in sheeps clothing and understand treason
and ungratefulness towards their own mother
There was only one man I loved
The MOST on this whole wide world
His ink scripted love remained the good intermigled with evil
Forever a part of me
My Lord Shiva my first teacher
My sage my guru
My Lancelott
Me  first love my last love
my tree of life he was
The only man I ever loved
and lost
Looking back
I thank G** King Jesus
King Arthur
And few other men who
Traveled in and out my door
Only one had my lock's key
I am glad you came along
I sing this last song
In memory of all the good
The bad and very bad
The few nefarious vipers I kissed
I forgive you all forgive you me for NOT
Understanding you
For loving those fellowmen
Who didn't know how to love me back
I wave my last
Good bye
I
Will
In your light and my own
Pray for you and me

As for the love of my life
"You are like a prayer
In church to God"
"I remembet you,
as someone something
VERY DEAR and precious"
You were the Best
You touched my STAR
And my starry skies sparkle
With your light remember me
in the same light my love
Look me up with your telescope
When you watch the stars
From your sun roof
In your bedroom

Find my Aries Constelation
For there is
My home
Without
You
I've taken with me a piece
Of Veracruz
A Mothers Day surprise
at the Hilton
raised in your arms on a warm June at a  bar
Where i felt like a bride
your bride

I almost asked you then and there to throw a big party
for you and me
But the monastery's dead silence
Growing up isolated
Silenced the spontaniety
Of thought you required of me
yet again!You regressed me you
tried in so many ways for me to
tell you  "I love you I am sorry
I'll marry you!"
All over again
I adored you remember this
Always.

Ask to repost dear Poets
(Memoir excerpt /copy Rights)
*
Belated reponse.

Yes you said just a man not God
and I am a woman not G* but G* you needed a wife I needed a husband but you ran away gave the money to your other woman begging for it all

I been feeling differen4tly about you and can sincearly
say "I fell deeply in love with you" back then and today.

it's not out of time or place.
I stil live and after physical
I will continue to love you
beyound measure time & space
noone is harmed by this
its a benefit in a blessing
your world bathes in plenty
mine in total despair lack
oporyunities halted by undeserved enemy foe

And how was this ever fair
to not use a bank
you had my full legal name!

yet you are more to me
as you've moved on you burnt all
a man who patiently reads my mind near or far leaves
precious memories unlike
your ways saved me.

an amazing human being
you you you
reading this ink's body language
my thoughts are your thoughts

I needed you for my life partner
all my life
you needed me for your everything I was yours for the taking as you did.

you saved romance, your last dance for me.

your relatives for my daughers
to inter marry! I had a dream.
for my true love my all

then you jett off leaving me to die
my good trains rolling by
and still
something smoldering revives from those dreams on fire
ashes captured to form of us
my companion.
my beautiful kids loved you
to be their everything just for you to know
beauty brains heart are still theirs
You are the best father best husband best lover best friend
we could have had many adorable grandkids.

my  i love yous didn't matter to nobody it wasn't natural for me to believe it will matter to you.

Life is like a dream.
~~~~
When your gold key was distanced from my gold lock
left behind, I lost my mind
my speech stunt in deeper silence
and still I called you again.
just to hear you freeze.

Ehat 8n the wirld dud you lose ti know the truth that you were truly loved never betrayed.
You found me I found you again
now we are omnipresent
see me see you as we please
we love each other wholly good like the l9ve of Gid
in sun rays we are touched.

returning so many times to me you loved me so, and for your white lies, fear not I am trustworthy
apeace my soul please keep your HP windows open.

I will always think of you.
Nataly Wd or not.

In seeking I found you beloved
smeared in many a poetry
filled with love an Angel watching over me
"Angels whisper when I walk" when I jog, run crawl bathe rest eat feel pain despair, in joys of new lives birthed you are there

I looked into my whispering whimpering heaven's door this gold lock untouched
my gold key you inside that huge
key hole adjusted to fit
another sand lock.

My Guardian Archangel Uriel sing the sadest of songs Earth and Heaven can hear.

Aries Archangel Uriel is known
as a seraph, cherub, regent of the sun, flame of God,
angel of the divine presence, presider over Tartarus
(hell),
archangel of salvation, and, in later scriptures, identified with Phanuel ("face of God") Uriel is a patron of the arts in me

 The Angel Malahidael
 and the Archangel Ariel rule
 over Aries the sign mine
My angel Malahidael is
 “Angel of Courage.” This angel 
summons the energy of the sun­ 
by imparting a ray of sunlight 
inside each person giving that
­ person courage, stamina 
and hope 
during difficult personal tim­es
Are you feeling this?
 The Guardian Angel for those 
born in April Aries is mine  my Archangel guardian Angel
is Uriel, Ariel. 
She is known as the Goddess of 
nature living in me You may also recognize 
her other title shes

the Lioness of God which is the 
literal translation of her­ name
 Ariel Uriel heals the planets and animals 
of this world is also
 responsible­ for natural elements such as Earth, wind, water,
 and fire.
My guardian Angels role as archangel relates 
to inspiration. 
This could be through prov­iding
 inspiration for humanity in 
order to take better care of ­Earth and all life that calls it home.

perhaps it is because I couldn't tolerate the agony of a new common bubble gum key too big, too small out of time and place
splattering stink in selfish pride
each selfishly demanding untimely tasks suffering my lock
missing your gold key beloved.

pre paid seastone snakes where boys not men on cruel expedition demonizing character
Big Bear video greedy evil agendas.
Hungry yet never selling out
to this thugs for hire detectives
sent to me from your world!
I know now when to fight when not to I just share my inner core

I am not fighting In every war I faced defeat being lineant to my deadly enemy was my demise.

no one else was able to overpower this relentles unrequieted love birthed for you.
frim days of yore
no one tried to simply slowly uncover that love hidden within
I hid for us both!
to discover it's magic  
You were wealthier luckier organized surrounded by family and friends to offer support.
I was on my own!
I didn't want another love
but yours for me alone.

Roads interlinked many a time  
you were seized by another
less grassy needing less wear
O how you aged her wine!

that bone fish seastone beer
had an army to win you over
while I was fighting all alone
in my sand shifting battlefield
how to grab you from your
fortress ceized arenas.

Redeeming Angel mine
Angel Mihr Uriel Acquarious
beloved guardian lover
touch my whispering ink.
RBco eyes beloved.

"I am feeling dfferently about you"
~~~~~~~~~
By:Karijinbba
03/21/2020/
Copy Rights apply. revised