Clinging on to the one I love,
She swept me off my feet,
But now this fairytales impaired,
And I’ve misplaced the love receipt.

Clinging on to the one I love,
To the one that I betrayed,
To chew one up and spit one out,
We are reading from a different page.

Clinging on to the one I love,
My feelings never fade,
She said to me on a dark cold night,
That “a woman’s heart cannot be played”

Clinging on to the one I love,
On happiness I stamp,
A cynical twenty-first century boy,
Where love is concerned, I cannot advance

Clinging on to the one I love,
My conscience is a wreck,
I sailed it through the stormy seas
Crashed, and then I hit the deck

Clinging on to the one I love,
Nothing I’d rather do,
Than chase ones shadow and walk ones steps
Embrace the perilous rendezvous  

Clinging on to the one I love,
The one that got away,
And in my deepest heart or hearts,
Our love was drowned in disarray.

May 2008

You are my favourite chapter of a book I have never read.

I had you dog-eared at page 104, when you first told me you loved me, but I didn't know its importance until way later.

There were coffee stains on pages 223-247 from the three or four weeks we spent together in bed. After two weeks, you told me I was truly beautiful with your palm on the nape of my neck. I rejected this with a light laugh; I told you not to waste your breath.

On page 295, there were ink blots where your sweet words used to be. I'm not sure what happened. A reciept for a pack of cigarettes was used as a bookmark.

The chapter ended at page 311 with only seven words scribbled on the page in black ink: "You deserved better. I let you go."

I, however, could not possibly know this because I just took the thin, white reciept from the friendly cashier boy's hand for this book I just bought entitled, *Love and Other Intoxicating Things

I love you like i loved you, like the sun burns the sky and is a torch for those who are lost and alone and depressed. I love you like i would carve it into a tree, to live forever with the sky and the lovers that pass, lying underneath in the grass; i love you like i would carve it deep into my forearm as though it would scar my skin and i would have it forever lain in front of me. I love you like the ocean feels the sand, and moulds a new earth each time it moves, silently strong and forceful in its journey to meet the shore. I love you like i have lost a thousand hearts and found one in the aftermath of joyous destruction and creation of myself.

I love you like a wall clings to the cold, as i cling to the cold wall, as the wall stands strong and upright and strangely comforting in its form. I love you like i loved you, before the moon rose from the forest, and the sun went to bed in the desert, and each day was renewed at the same time it was ending. I love you like the music that never stops but gives me a ferocious appetite for passionate forever afters, and fairytales of magnificent lust, loss, betrayal and denial, and finally the happy ending. I love you like the birds love the sky, how the wings feel the freedom in flight, how the flap of a wing creates an invisible echo through the invisible air.

I loved you like i loved the scent of the forest after the rain, after the time had stopped and started again, and there was a moment in all of the moments, where i could see the drop of rain die upon the ground and begin again in the earth. I love you like i lost you; an old penny from my purse, an old reciept for that thing i wanted to return but never did, like my mind that runs from the heart that beats inside of me for you. I love you as i love the old time western movies, I love you like i love the good times from my childhood, innocent and happy, i love you as i remember those things i had forgot in forgetting the bad times.

I love you like the grass that lives on despite what horrid beings we are in the way we trample over it with no respect for its grace of being alive for us, and has withstood the test of time to be here. I love you like i loved you, like the stars internally combust to be born, a black firework that no-one can see, hear, feel, touch or sense, like the dried coffee cup laid out to be cleaned with remnants that you were 'here'. I love you like i love words, I love you like i love the meaning in the verb, the noun, the alliteration, the juxtaposition, the allegory of sea faring tales of pursuit, courage and defiance and success.

I love you like i love you. I love you like i expect to love you. I love you from my mistakes, my pride, my egoism, my negative voices, my shaking hands, my pain. I love you from my freedom of loving you, from the cartwheel, candy floss, on-the-edge of the world, 'hold on to your pants', rollercoaster, anticipation of unspoken words, the promising anticipated kiss and the touch from your skin to mine, kind of once-in-a-lifetime, love.

I loved you like i love you, like i love you, like i loved you.
For all these reasons are unknown and known and forgotten and remembered,
I love you, with every cigarette stained breath, from every sip of *****, from every regretful one night stand.
I love you, from the ink stained fingers of writing forget me not, from the abundance of joy in my heart, and the exploding passion in my volcanic mind, and from the look in my wise deserving eyes.

I loved you, for loving you, for loving's sake, and for you, for me and for, love.

I CALCULATIONS

A bird from the window
Pecked at my papers
Lined with my scores.

Now trees are dead,
And papers are gone.
This is the computer age.

I will break it down for you.
I even made a list,
Would you like to count?

II THE LIST

1.This is the computer age              
    Of digitized proofs
       And

2.Authority attested identies,
     With participants' certificates.

3.Our own words have lost meaning

4.We are now vessels                     
With our definition stapled on screens
      And

5.Meagre salaries    
    Tagged on our foreheads.

6.We are our grades.

7.The given guidelines,
      Projects we finished overnight.
         We are the cheated test scores,

8.The printed marksheets
       From the renowned buildings.

9.We are a bunch of degrees.
      
10.We are a box of experience
     With a reciept of coffees we bought,
         We are a cv of what we did.

11.We are the said lies
        And

12.The stress calmed by mummbled slurs.

13.We are the second employee
        Shouted at.
          And

14.We are the hundredth consumer
       With company approved needs.

15.We are the salesperson with quotas to meet.

16.We are the owners
       Of a dying business,
         A pending debt.

17.We are the numerous people
        Of covered faces on the streets

18.And exposed bodies in the world wide web.

19.We are the constructed
         Digital photographs
            With deconstructed heads.
        

20.We are a bunch of numbers

21.We are a bunch of numbers

22.We are a bunch of numbers,

23.When did we become
      
24. A 0 or a 1?

People shouldn't even fit in a whole encyclopedia

And yet here,
Are you looking for a number 25?


III RESULT

Well I gave the papers to the bird,
She put it in her nest
And made it warmer.

You call me crazy
But I will always
Call myself a free bird.

Is there enough life to give in This world?
I see it
Drowning in the hardships of
Picking up pennies to pay for a meal
And spending forty- five dollars on two days of making nothing fun.

I'm smoking a cigarette that I started earlier, that I thought I was finished with earlier.

My father drowns his sorrow in beer and blames his problems on yesterday.
My mother sings caskets and has a gift reciept for every time she's ever "loved"  me.

My life has consisted a lot of scraping by
And I'm Down to the last few layers of skin
Before the burning concrete creates a river of blood for Moses to walk through

Isn't it so simple?

What is, hasn't always been.
And what was has changed for a reason.

The reason
I still breath
I still laugh
I still love
I still write,
Is because you picked the grapes off the walls , growing around my heart
And before they turned to raisins,
You poured wine into my bloodstream..
Drunk off of your warm touch and dazzling smile,
I swallow the alphabet and hiccup compliments,
Keeping My eyes on yours
So as to not get lost in the treasure map hidden in your laughter.

My stomach flutters.

I grab your hand.

You squeeze mine tighter

My heart flickers.

I love you.

wish upon a star, a star
fly up into that dark velvet sky
join your hands with the star-people's hands
and wish upon a star, a star

seventy three wishes, granted for you
or maybe- just given, by the star-people's hands
ride up upon a star in the sky
whirl in deep space and watch the world fly

but oh- don't wish too oft on a star
the star-people's hands might pull you away
and take all your gifts, a reciept in the bag
and tell you goodbye, it's been such a good time

soon you won't know the star-people at all
except in your dreams, on some summer's nights
the sky opens up and you see their bright faces
wish, they will say- and become one of our stars.

Friend. If your Decision be warranted
After few Transactions you took the Reciept
After all, no Deposit I expected
Whose Link your Strength has caused you to forfeit
I am Loyal still; Even without Proof
Since Hidden Examples work just as well
This Edge, or whatever Convict you took
Will just Withdraw by the Sound of a Bell
Must Persons connect for Friendship to grow
Given that Pasted Notes no longer Write
This I deeply Respect; And you should Know
Never was my Intention to Incite.
Take care now. Ever Grateful to conclude
Your Silent Happiness and Fortitude.

Wild as she wandered.  Lost in the lights.  Seeking solitude. Her art expressive, her painted skin.  Ink stains on the pathways.  She's sentenced to blend.  A torn reciept, the crumpled playing card, a seven again.  

Weeks passed in years, moments in days.  Tomorrow is a broken rainbow.  Lost in thought, the breeze remains.

Belief in your eyes is not what I see when all I hear is lies....
A familiar taste of hope is watered down by the touch of our skin
It feels so wrong and still makes me shudder when your kiss was a gift
I kept the reciept so I can refund the action for my full emotions
You act like our feelings had a lifetime guarantee...
But look at it closely and you will find Made In Chaos somewhere on the damaged package.
But if you really wanted my consumer report
I'd say the best thing about us is the limited appeal we had on the market