The letter was a warm invitation  and a perfect getaway I needed to lay low after are  brief rise to cult status i had partaken of the
rewards of semi obscurity and had a few angry fathers searching for me.

The big apple it called to me like a stripper apon a pole demanding thats all you got is ones you cheap *******?
My true sidkick  like robin to batman just less gay and good looking.

Met me at the station  Amigo how the hell are you now were's the bar?
Drinks on you right?
Cause when your a semi celeb slash rockstar of hello why the **** should i pay.
Why should women be the only ones to walk into a bar with three dollars  in there purse and get rip roaring drunk.
Besides if i was a chick id be a **** *****.

The stage was set the bar was filled with strange sounding people
all asking my well know  brother in madness who tha  ***** this *******.
****** good man im not just any ******* im Gonzo.

Beer on another mans tab always tasted better   just remember ******
im not putting out   well unless  you ask me niceley  or pay  me
like that rich old lady used to who  also was missing her leg.

yes what memeories id slip her a mickey  rearrange her  clothes and after she woke  up tell her what a wild night we had yes i know
true romance.

BUT ENOUGH WITH THE FOREPLAY CHILDREN!

We began are quest like any other  seeing how much ***** we could
hold  till  normal people began to make sense.
I work everyday busting my freakin ***  still it aint enough Gonz.
The angry little italian man who's wallet i had borrowed said beside me.
Hey a girls gotta eat.
Dear lord man you mean you actully have to go back everyday hey is this a gold card   your worse than my wife freakin ***.
Sir you are a charmer  what angry little people  lived here.

Bill lets hit the ******* im in need of culture  and some naked women amigo  come on im  drinks are on Vinny who gives a ****.

After bill  dipped into his life savings to pay the tab we hopped
a cab headed for Manhattan  to the place  of great myths and wonder
it called to great men from arond the world to bask in its beauty.

No not the statue of the giggantic woman  with a torch although i wondred  as i stood below her ****** why cant she be wearing a mini skirt.
You gotta love a big girl  she was such a tease.

No as i stood  tears meeting my bloodshot eyes
befor the mecca  the big apple and the home  of legends and playground to the *****.

Hey get the **** outta the street *******.
It"s Gonzo  man ****** how many times do i need to repeat myself.
Scores a ******* to the rich  a fools paradise **** Disneyland.
Ive been on spacemountian most my life anyways.

As through the doors we were met by a scene of true
art much like the Mona Lisa  if she were a stripper named candice cane  in red high heels hanging from a stripper  pole.

the drinks flowed  the lap dances were well you get the point.
I realized my two drink minimum freind was a little how should i say it poetically.
******* wasted.

As he tried  to give a stripper named honey a lap dance  
never mind him ladies he's my  ******* brother.
In a plan of true drunken genius i explained he was sick and
his last wish was for his older brother to hookup with
some   hot  strippers to have  ahh  some  after hours activities  
Who's ***** bingo.
how i love  bango I mean bingo.

Tears welled up in there eyes  thank god they didnt question why my little brother was 58.
Hey there strippers  and if they  were all going to college  then
this would be a ******* library  not a high  dollar  titie bar.

Librarians with there hair up short tight skirts and glasses
i swear you get busted for  having a little alone time on a public
computer   in that over rated book store for a second time and everyone  flips ****.
Society is so judgemental  but that's another story  
and court case   away.

The plastic fake boobie women had fallin for it.
So like drunken ninjas in a fog of  dellusion and wild turkey we made are last exit to brooklyn.
  
Hey  Gonz why do these chicks keep asking how much longer do i have.
Smacking my friend swiftly in the head had drawn the attention
of the strippers away from counting there tips and comparing there fake breast.

He's got brain dammage sometimes you have to hit em in the  
head to get him unstuck  ****** just look at the poor *******
he thinks he's not sick  oh dam life i need a cuddle girls.
Bill hold the camera.

We hit my friend's apartment like tourist slipping across the boarder grabing and  consuming great amounts of ***** and some sort of white powder  must have been for allergies.

Like squirrels  on acid  running down the interstate we were  
half nuts by the time that big orange ball thats causes me to wear sunglases did appear.

The ladies who names i cant recall  but honestly who gives a ****.
were passed out in bed Bill  in the fish tank  
calling himself captian nimmo  at this point led me to belive just maybe he had  a little  to much  but theres  many pitfalls on the road to Gonzo pacman.

Few men had the liver  or insanity of your's truely.
so after i talked my  tripping amigo off the frige.
Reassuring him its okay   amigo   thats what women look like naked.

I assure you  just cause they broke theres off doesnt mean they'll do the same to yours.
****** son why have a computer if not to look at **** and read long rants by insane people who call themself Gonzo?

After are long disscussion   about good touch bad touch and happy endings  we were off  again.

                                                 Ground Zero

                                        Silence And Respect

Standing there there was a shared  moment.
And a pain any soul could feel.
It wasnt about race or religion  it was about people
we all lost that day.
John Patrick Robbins stood beside a brother without a word
said as it spoke a million feeling's to the soul.

                           No one ever truley leaves there.

At the bus station a few cocktails behind us me and the kiddster
parted slightly hung over   and strung out smelling of reckless abandon
and strippers and wild turkey.

Apon the bus sitting by the window and some large man.
Who reaked of sardines  and  resembled a  cerial ******.
yes ladies he's single  and will probaly **** ya.
Wonder why he has a hard time getting dates?

As Bill waved goobye to his demented  brother from his own planet.
I waved back saying hey amigo  is this your debit card hell no worries
i'll keep  good care of it and reward myself.

As the bus left the station  my semi ******* friend chasing behind
yelling Gonzo i'll get you for this you freakin *******.
Kidster  that hurt i yelled but not as much as it's gonna hurt you bank account cheers.

That guy in black is ******  you  better watch out he's probaly connected.
No worries my funny smelling oversized friend
so am i replied.
I have the internet as well.

Bound for parts unknown Gonzo  made many stops
and if not for legal reason's  id share most of them.
Yes as i sat apon the beach  after taking a little side trip to Florida.
Drink in hand lost in deep thought's for which i cant remember.
      
Reflecting apon my time in the big apple.
And my friend the Kiddster
A toast to my friend.
Hope you like the post card  and the three week vacation
i treated myself to.

Sorry about the whole life savings thing but
who needs to retire in there 80's  work will keep you young girlfriend.

Cheers your slightly insane friend Gonzo.

Hot Chocolate and Sweets.
A Tigers Eye and candles.
A sweet memory
Of heartbreak.

The last goodbye,
Brought no urges to end.
Not to I at least.
Not to you I hope.

I slithered around your neck like a serpent.
I adored it as if it was prey.
A vampires next meal.
My final taste of you.

Your lips are forbidden fruit.
But i climbed the tree.
I teased the apple.
But the forbidden fruit stayed untouched.

For a second i touched the apple.
For a second you almost fell.
I love your strength.
But I hate that I appreciate it.

Ill never forget that Eve.
The Eve of the Ghost.
The Ghost that could have been us.
But who am I?

A thief?
A madman?
A lost cause?
An embarrassment?

Democracy, freedom, independence and joy
have all done a full circle and stopped tonight
Now to pack that well worn bag one last time
and let go
of all the hopes and dreams
of a little house with a blue door
with icicles hanging off the roof
surrounded by daffodils as the snow melts
predicting long summer evenings in the sun
sipping ice cold beer with those who are dear.
All the friends made memeories gained
will be left behind at the start of this trip
with a one way ticket to which used to be home.
Social norm is a miserable concept
and in this fickle thing called life
the only thing that doesn't change
is apparently my race.
Because God decided to play a cruel trick
and made me brown outside and inside a Brit.
Just to thicken the plot
having been raised with morals
here I am declining
generously convenient marriage proposals
deluded by romance and sacred notions of matrimony
just to get a visa was never going to cut it.
And dear Craig from last night,
you tasted and smelt of honesty and liberation
and your embrace, like a lie in on a lazy Sunday morning
was warm, cosy and comforting
your eyes mirroring a painful understanding
of heartache and no hope of tomorrow
yet yearning to stay in each others arms
as we did on that tiny dark dance floor
even long after the music had ended.
I would have given you my number
if time hadn't failed me
if fate hadn't cheated me.
I died a little more inside watching you leave
even though we had just met
and it was one night
with alcohol running through my veins
as I drank to forget
I remember
that kiss good bye.
You lingered and I can't stop thinking
what if what if what if
what if I had time
could we have been something more
guess we will never know
instead I've got to go
leaving everything behind
except for my well worn suit case
full of crushed dreams and a broken heart
dampen and heavy with tears and fears
time to leave where I belong
and return to where I was mistakenly born.
Time to face the beginning
of the end...

A shared cab toghther we grasp the nights end.
black stockings a well fitting suit hours have died torwards a blissful ending sidewalk's paint the
after thought as faces that  ghost's haunt other stories later I'll cast thoose stories towards paper.

Rearview glances traces memeories moved along silkend thigh.
In warmth  we cast aside a New york streets cold does this city sleep in time when even I seem worn?
Streets past my thoughts still will not erase a sense of no direction but a ending is always clear.

Above the lights apartment view downward we cast care topassion met in bed left as reackless
desire spinning yarns scattred across the floor.
A blizzrd outside seldom matches  the fire within.

Time makes us care and the effect never seems to last.
Goobye we set are eye's to a path we never seem to once again cross.
Iin bouban scented clothes tainted from the nights exploits washed clean in regert.

Maybe another night we will exist as starnger only to return to bed's now treated as tomb.
I cant imagine the direction through the door another shall fill the past's role.
Lovers and fools resemble each other all to often.

But what of the stranger who catches a nights tressure  from life's rear view.
A empty bar seats turned apon tables to sweep away dust like thoughts ive burried and broken glass.
Love like a match book is often burned up in passions and choices often given little thought.

A cab ride cross town takes such a diffrent view alone.
Maybe faces passed now can be given light.
through a srcambled haze the pen does embrace page.

Another night was the theme it's ending may never be the same.

To understand the edge is only to have crossed it at some point.
words like punches in some drunken brawl never lose there sting.

I spiral in directions and embrace every vacant streets view chasing all  lost cause but
never you.
Time has broken the clock set in stone was the nights moment i forever cast in a fools time.


                                           The end  till next time

Your melodies bring me joy sometimes pain, and maybe the sound I hear when it rains. Your melodies bring back memeories where I find myself being my worst enemy
or at best a friend of me.

Your melodies puts me in a transe and makes me wanna dance. Your melodies sooth my soul
and makes me feel whole when I'm alone. Your melodies show me art when I feel like falling apart .

Your melodies vibrate through my ears and I understand what it hears.
Your melodies express itself and is there when I need help.
Your melodies at times keeps me around even when I'm feeling down.  And I always love to hear its sound.

My mind is starting to drift again,
To memeories unwanted,
To feelings of uncertainty.

My mind is starting to drift again,
To this place of torment,
Somewhere i thought a few days apart would somewhat heal.

But here i am dwelling in this uncertainty, this unknowing sense.
I thought a few days apart would heal me.
But my mind is starting to drift again,
And i realize this is something that cant be healed in a few days.

This **** is something much deeper.
I miss my free mind.
I miss my happy thoughts.
I miss the feeling of security.
I miss the old me.

I just want to be free again!
But how can i be free with something i cant let go.
I JUST CANT ******* LET GO!!

Memeories haunting
I'm already dead
Half of a year yet
You're still in my head
I just want you gone
But my heart's full of lead
You have moved on
Found a replacement
Four ******* years
You moved on in a tenth
I'm lost without you
I need my Cas

As time flies by
Like the shadows of the birds
You wonder where you will stand
Where you will lay
If tomorrow will come
Or has it already
Is tomorrow yesterday
Yesterday tomorrow
Today tomorrow or yesterday?
But this pain I hold in
Leaves me bound to the past
Left to wounds
That will never heal
Scars that still bleed
Tears that wont fall
Time just flies by
Way too fast
And I keep getting left behind
Even by those who say they love me
A forgotten friend
A fading lover
An inchoate son and brother
Time flies by
Way too fast
Because I can remember
Like it was yesterday
When I had the family, the friends, you at my side
Yet here it is
All ruined and gone
And I'm the only one that remembers
How things used to be
Because I'm forced to relive it
Every time I close my eyes
Time flies by
Way to fast
And fades the memeories
Just as quickly

cigarette tips
glowing like fireflies
ashes ashes
falling like sighs

no longer young, she sinks into vaporous memeories
clouds of smoke, she lays back in her hazy reminescence

memeories of mistakes and
fear holding me back
from the things
that could make me feel
alive.