Buzzfeed. I love Buzzfeed. I love gossip. Buzzfeed is important gossip. Buzzfeed seems to be becoming more accessible to the D/HH community. I can watch it with accurate, in sync captions. It’s great. But for some reason, I can’t hear the video and read the captions at the same time. Puzzling. To me, you’re saying either I hear, or don’t hear. Either/or, your topics are all in the gray, yet I can only be deaf or hearing you say?
I’m in between, your words I need to see, the sounds I need to feel, the residual hearing gives me a taste of the message you want to convey to me.
Thank you technology for granting me access. Thank you humanity for blurring my view. Thank you Youtube for “speech-to-text” captions. It’s a work in progress that seems to work 0% of the time. Smart t.v.s and their hi def and their apps and music. It's so smart that the moment the HDMI cord marks the moment of completion, they never considered the hi def to to be as important as the captions are to the deaf. Sharp, pixelated images has nothing to do with the ability to hear. So Im sitting here, watching my smart tv without the captions wondering if they will ever understand the difference
Deaf and dumb. You’re either/or. Like the reason you didn’t understand can’t be attributed to the lack of paying attention. What’s wrong with you, you deaf or dumb? It's an oft-uttered phrase. Its a subliminal stereotype that bites me. The fact that it's in the same line as dumb, you gotta put let us know what you mean. You’re so deep in your conversation, like we’re not stuck in the dark ages. You didn’t mean that, yet it faze me. Everybody’s fighting back stereotypes, mine just happen to be a “melting ***.”
You’re so pretty for a black girl,
You’re so pretty for a deaf girl.
You’re so smart for a girl,
you run so fast for a girl.
You talk so good for a deaf girl,
you talk so white for for a black girl.
Yeah, I heard you. Inaudible. Selective hearing has its perks.
I’m offended that you’re offended by my lack of attention. Of my rudeness. Oh you’re doing me a favor? Sorry, I didn’t hear you. Whisper in my ear when I ask you to repeat----hello, Deaf here?
Yell to make up for my understanding----louder doesn’t mean clearer. Even talking to me in the dark, don’t even try that. You’re blocking my sensory input.
Second-guessing:
-did my phone go off?
-did someone call my name? It’s too risky finding out, continues walking
-is my music too loud? Yes, no, maybe so? Yea? No music then
-home alone: what sound is that? My breathing, the wind, someone opening the door in the basement, never-mind that, I can’t hear it anyways.
-Is mom mad yelling or am I dreaming her voice...
-ice cream truck. Nuff Said
This is one of the few poems I have been able to write about my deaf identity. I found it very easy to write at the time, but have been struggling for years to explain on paper what being Deaf means to me. Still am to this day but will always continue to try.
