Fiat lux and
Then I stand and see how it looks out on
Gnothi seauton psychologies of a naughty automaton he is
Out speeding on the autobahn while she is
Now sleeping on futons in peace it's

Not pieces that need to be re-ordered yet
Since he's reckless but wrecks less when he's courting it's

A sport, you see a ticket's his master trophy in-
Deed endorsing his Porsche-speed matrimony down master row and she's
Driven to this racer who makes her en-
Force things, they later make her take her lead like lead's erasing then vanishing
Banished from whatever it is they're drinking and it's cleaned
Running from the pitcher as if it's her fantasy
Love who's the catcher who has her and
Now you see
It's not lack-lusting but luck-lasting because lastly
Down the street
Is where I swear we're running faster from crashing, finally

Into this dreamcatcher's hazard
Our dreamcatcher's hazard
Oh have you heard

It's absurd that the whip cracked
Yeah the Porsche was hacked baby transformed back in two and back into a nat-
Ural rural state where the horse power level was more morally sta-
Ble biblically faith-
Ful foolishly a-
Ble but yeah we take over whatever we face-off and baby we're faster so we'll have to chase after our

Dreamcatcher's hazard and
That dreamcatcher's hazard's a
A madness that is learned

And it's absurd
So say the mattress is glowing it's holy
Matrimony, so don't look lonely it's only
Master Roshi, to say to chase your dreams
It's you and me be-
Cause for you my blood is flowing
For you my blood is glowing
For you this blood is flowing
And too the flood is blowing
It's true our love is growing

Spending my Wednesdays on trail mix & futons
Hiding inside when outside's like the Yukon
Knowing the cold comes from a storm I can't see
Trying to spread warmth like the sun I can't be
They say "do what you love" and "want what you need"
But they take and they take and they take and they take my love
and break it and fake it and snake it and bite my hand when I feed

I owe it to myself to put "they" behind "we"
Because all the trials I still see are a reflection of me
I rely on accomplishments to build my self-confidence
I cannot take a compliment because they still feel dishonest
How can I give warmth to others if I can't warm myself?
I just ignore the signs, don't prioritize health

I try to do the basics, eat, sleep, repeat
Write, read, and run, just make time for fun
I start to feel better but know I'm not done
It ends with self-love, putting myself above
So when the times are rough, I know that I'm enough
Now I know when life gets cold like the Yukon
I'll remember this Wednesday of trail mix & futons

So this is Christmas
and what have you done?

John purrs the question
through tiny
crackling speakers
begging responsibility
from the irresponsible at best,
begging for peace
and a season of rest.

I lost a war, John;

I tripped on hope and arrogance
and earned forty six new badges
of valor;
I fell from the rafters of a fantasy bridge
to the cold reality beneath
and I broke bones--
ribs and femurs,
radii and hum'rouses.

I have met Marc Antonys and Brutuses,
Pagliachis and Heathcliffs,
and met them in myself.
I have sobbed into futons
ripe with nachos and socks
and I curled in another's arms
wishing they were yours.

I have loved and lost
and saw God in a graveyard;
come down from dopamine dreams
to black widows in my sheets.
I have tried and failed and given up,
found the one mistake
I'll always make
and the one perfume I'll always hate.

I lost a war
I never had the guts to fight.
So this is Christmas, John,
and I'm still a mess.