Cold pierced through the blanket.
Then it started,
the nose bleeds,
soar throat,
aches.
As familair as these are,
and as annoying as stinging bees are,
this time was different.
One soak in a hot tub,
made the water cold in an instant.
One sip in a hot coffee,
made the steam die off.
What cold is this?
Who would you warm up with?

I know one i would warm up with,
but now he is mad at me.
I'll wait
and pray till he lets me into his warm embrace
once more.

I went down there
To feel closer to you
Only to be surrounded
By strangers.
Then, I began to notice
I was now one of them
To myself.
So I knock back the *****
In a futile attempt to forget
How much I crave you intensely.

Moved around lifelessly
To familair tunes
With some phony guy
Trying to cut through
My barbed wire.

All I can think of is you,
On this smoke infested
Blindingly-lit dance floor,
Where we once lost control
Endlessly.

There is a connection
That will always remain
Until I am rotting beneath.
I want to scream
Your name out to everyone
I meet,
Tell them I'm bleeding
From head to toe
Without you kissing my soul.

Sue is baking pretzels on a Thursday afternoon.
Flour on her hands, just like we used to.
Its some familair smell in the air,
Deep warmth that fills a room in the abscense of your laughter.

When I asked you if you thought about old loves,
You said she was a snuggie blanket in the closet.
You said she was a car on the side of the road.

I didn't understand just how far thoughts could wander.
They drive me crazy - traversing time,
Traveling places that this body no longer can,
Conversing with lingering loves in my mind -

"I'm building a travel van like you always wanted to.
I'll be travelling solo, and you won't know
Where I'll go and the things I'll see.
Its just for me.

..but I wish it weren't.
If you had the option, would you go?
If you had the option, would you want to know?"

I will always be wandering, searching for home.
I will always be wondering, wishing to know:

"Do you ever think of me
The way I think of you?"

He is five-foot-ten,
Brown hair, brown eyes
with lips that taste like playgrounds -
Something sweet and familair.

He's something to slide across.
A merry-go-round, something that I take for spins.
I'm not sure what that makes me
Besides sort of dizzy.

If I were five
(Or maybe now)
I'd glue our hands together.
Sticky and stuck and stupid.
So sticky, and stuck, and stupid.

It is in the blink of an eye that everything can change
How it can it all seem so familair and yet feel so strange.

Yesterday we spoke and it was for a brief moment
tried to catch up on all our happenings
but it wasnt enough.
I remember when we used to know everything
that was going on, where we went, and when we went.
All the people who were familair, but now when we spoke
I know only half of the story and half of the people.

I don't know if you got an A on your test or if you failed
your presentation because you forgot what you were talking about.
I miss hearing about your day.
I miss the small gatherings and the spontaneouty of it all.
I miss going to work and goofing around because half of
the time we had no customers.
And I miss watching the games, because thats all that we could watch.
I miss going to work and talking about all my problems, because
I knew you guys were older and lived it all.
I miss the little things, like sleeping in all day and the drive to school.
Finding a parking spot or going to the dining hall where we'd sit for hours.
I miss having a class together. I miss going to Town Center.
I miss the noise in the night, although occasionally I would hear the police sirens
which was not comforting at all.
I miss sitting on the couch and watching Weeds and USOT.
I miss going to the pool and cooking out.
I miss hiding from the weird next door neighbor because of the thrill.
I miss having friends over even at all hours of the night.
I miss those quick trips to the gas station or the drive around town
just because we were bored.
I miss Halloweens at Tech and making new friends, whose names I wont remember come morning.
I miss the Taxi rides.
I miss you calling me up because you need a friend to ride with you to wherever you are going this time.
I miss staying up late and sleeping well into the afternoon.
I miss going to Mellow and the Mexican restaruant on the corner of the street.
I miss our mexican friend, the one who gave me the napkin flower.
I miss a lot of things and people. But sometimes I"m just tired of saying it
because it brings back what used to be and sometimes what used to be is never going to come back.
I miss you.