Today I walked in from work
Making my way throught the strange and quiet house.
I couldn't understand when I walked into my room and saw you snuggled in my blanket
My bed has never looked so warm and so inviting
Your red hair spilling all over the pillows
Cascading into the shadow
I laid down fully dressed
Laying there in a dream
You are evreything that I will ever need
My best friend
pocketwatch
rain cloud
kissing booth

So strange to see your lips agian
Pursed and perfect
Red stained Beautiful

All so warm and simple
Not like the others
Her whole life is sweet and gentle

You can watch the parts of my life you touch
Turn away from the stoney lonesome
Your vines, your ivy, sweet smelling flowers
Wearing angel soft petals bloom in the pale moon

So what is left for me?
What more do I need?
I have my "Shelter from the Storm"

So
a long tired kiss is in order
on sleeping lips
soft and unkowing

Curling up in the warmth next to her
The flower wrapping her warm petals about me
I need nothing else in this world
As I begin to drift off into sleep so complete
A rustling on the bed beside me
Warm lips touch my ear
I hear her breathe "thank you"
and like that she left me there

I wake up alone
On this old couch
Sunlight creeping in through the broken blinds
In this trash apartment
In this nowhere town
Sober

they took away his kindness
she missed the sunshine in his eyes
wished the bloodshot glaze would abandoned his sage colored eyes
she missed the memories that were erased
being captured and consumed scares her
she didn't want to be scared anymore

In the beginning
I had my doubts
About you
About me
About life
You dragged me threw the mud
You diddent mean to...
You hurt me
I hurt myself...
We where a mess I diddent want to clean up
I diddent want to clean up myself



But things changed



And now
We have grown
I love you
I love myself
I love life
I got some help
You helped me
Its been years
And I'm finally at peace

It would be this one
It will tell you alot
                            
                          Dear

I had a note for you I scratched on this envelope
but it was ruined in the rain
it used to read so well
now the only word not melted is

                         Jessica

Ruined. So I picked up my pencil sure that this time
Just this once I could write words enough to make you mine
but there
alone on the page in naked pencil waiting

                          I

But i can't start with i
that is so selfish
so
i
begin to go agian
trying to make a something out of all the nothing
but its hard to name a poem so how 'bout let's call it

                       Love

No GOD NO
that is way too tacky
what would she think
So embarassing
So childish
So simple
You don't deserve the simple
You deserve the incredible
The awe-inspiring fire


                                  You

and there it stops me
lost and more lost
because when I think of you
all the fire is kindled


                                   You
are my evreything

so i put down this pencil
and write in my head
a future I have seen once or twice
in the lonely corner of a dream



                                     Dear Jessica I love you
                        I carved on that tree
                        In the noise of summer bugs claws birds wings breeze
                        I saw you smile walking towards me
                        Your feet silent on the blanket of the warm grassy ground
                         Your pale feet smeared with mud
                        It was in a june, july or august
                        A quiet summer dream
                         Me and you far out in nowhere
                        As the record singer plays the song
                         "Together"
                            (that song)

                        In a meadow
                          Dreaming
                        I know I felt it in the warm of your hair
                        When you wrapped your arms around me
                        You kissed me soft on the neck
                         I felt your skin as you squeezed me
                         Your eyes were so close
                          Close to my mind
                          and in a moment of your laughter
                           and in a moment of your joy
                                          a moment forgetting
                            life and all the noise
                            
                         I felt your breath sweet
                         I felt your whisper soft
                            melting the glue in my mind
                        In my dream I knew you kissed me
                         In my life you will never see me
                        
                I traded this moment for all that I had
                      and rode the river Styx to the belly of hell
                       and rode the river Styx while humming that song

Soulmates....do not end
Breathless wordless
Cold

That is how he left me

He was my mountain
But I am alone in the river again

My thoughts beating against the rocks of my mind

My hearts painful wailing against my ribcage

A last hug goodbye

The aching scream of silence

Raging storms of knowing

Why do i test myself thus
Why must I always dip a toe N the water
N believe such sweet tongues

Words are evreything
Words n emotions
N now I trust neither

Snakes twisting about
Ready to strike

Passion is a sea I am drowning in
I am dying in it
Choking n spitting out parts of myself
That should remain against the cool dark bottom

I gave you my breath

You were my sun...my shield...my protection


Or so you said
While holding me under.

You all lie,
You all took,
Guess it was my bad luck,
you tried to take him away from me,
Knowing they are my evreything,
Why
Oh u didnt have to try
I saw the bitter truth
All you care about are yourselves
I protected you but you threw me
To the dirt
And it hurt
U never care
It wasnt fair
i saw the bitter truth..
and it wasnt pretty