Hey Kids ever wonder why people are such a pain in the ****?
Well thats usally cause they have to work for a living and unless
your in **** that really ***** well I guess in that field you get paid to ****.
But enough about what certain people I cant mention do in there free time
im just saying.

And ever wonder kids why your parents are so ******* uptight?
Duh its cause befor you  mom and pop used to be total freaks.
Now Pop is lucky if he gets at least once a month from moms sister.
Yeah thats why they invented hookers I know what a ******* .

But enough about global warming cause really I just live here on the planet.
Why should I care about it?
Some people often ask me.
Gonzo dont you think you should put the bottle down and give up the drugs and *****
strippers?

Hmm yeah probaly when hell freezes over and hopefully it does cause I have never
looked forward to moving to a warmer climate.
Yeah sure I could stop being a party animal and ****** with a heart of gold.
But **** that duh then what would I write about?
Being misreble like everyone else really doesnt sound all that fun.

Hey ever wonder if im really insane as you belive.
Well just send me a key to your house and find out.

One time when  was but a young little Gonzo.
I stole Grandmas credit card and tried to hire a ******
for *** ed  class I always was a more hands on student myself .
Yeah it would have worked  if that old *****  hadnt noticed it gone

Thanks Granny you totally ruined a kickass party.
Its okay she talks to the wall in the old folks home now.
Im kidding  like id waste that sweet social security check on a home.

She's doing just fine in the shed out back ****** that reminds me i gotta
feed her and take her to the park for a good run yeah I know im all
heart except fro the rest of me.

You know I think it's unfair hookers never give discounts.
Hey look every other company does even ******* subway.
Yeah the footlong isnt really a footlong  some people really
dont know what to do with a tape messure.

Hey remember its not the size that matters yeah news flash
if she ses its a good size then locks herself in the bathroom
for a hour and you hear a motor going off as the lights dim
on the whole dam block .
Well women lie  just like men except way better.

Sometimes I like to get really ****** up
I know your shocked.

Ever wonder why weirdos love to hunt ufo's and bigfoot?
Duh you cant live off star treck reruns alone.

Some people think im a pervert and a drunk and a womanizer.
And a drug addict well and a sick ******* as well.
Words they really hurt well at least to people who give a *****.
Sure they said alot of good things about me but they also left out a charming
mispelling half wit duh what *******.

You know sometimes I think.
Hey it could happen.

Just remember kids whatever you think of me.
If you dont have a sense of humor you'll ******* hurt yourself.
That and Gonzo loves you all and especially if your hot.
And if you have any pics send em to www.learntotakeafuckingjoke.com

Untill next time hampsters.
Remember that little bump on some chicks face aint a beauthy
mark its probaly ******.

Dam you Cindy Crawford well at least i'll never forget you.
Im kidding she a good girl it was just the clap.

Stay crazy Gonzo

What do we know of the likes of time?
We are all just shadows that move and rhyme,
We love and lose,
We pick and choose,
We play and fight,
We wake at morning and sleep at night,

We go to work and try not to be late,
And the next time we aren’t on time can decide our very fate,
We see money as the life’s necessity to live,
Some have too much and are too greedy to give,
Some work hard and don’t have any,
And sadly this number is not few but many,

Yes the rich love their expensive clothes and their private bars,
They can simply say “I want one of those 100k sports cars”,
And the houses with 5 bed, 4 bath, 2 stories, and a powdered ***,
The big lawn, the granite pass, the big pool, and the green grass,
And all the rich can do is flash their money and boast,
So to you rich ******* I propose a toast,

May the cries of the forgotten earth and poor,
Rain down on you with wrath and make you bleed and bleed more,
May you receive 1000 pounds of pressure for every dollar you don’t need,
Every dollar that you can give but you keep out of greed,
I wish you would meet the poor kids and families that make your clothes,
The ones that you wear so you can look good and pose,

I encourage you to see such people in pain,
To see the damage of you factories acid rain,
And you do all this just for the oil in the land!
You take people’s lives and don’t even offer your hand!
So I end my toast to you rich *******,
May your lives be long but plagued by the masses.

I'm ******* done!
You hear me you pathetic siblings and hypocritical parents!
I'm ******* done!
All of you in my family are ******* pathetic!
You little ***** always take advantage of me,
You always take and take without giving in return!
You're not worthy of being my family!
You make my head turn!
You always touch everything I have,
You used it and then either misplace it or ******* break it!
You steal my money and take everything I have,
You always treated me like ****!
******* sisters!
You two never appreciated me!
One of you slimy ******* use me for your kids and make me a baby sitter!
He's not my ******* kid now is he?!
So why the **** does it feel like I'm being punished because you had a ******* kid?!
The other ***** never ******* helps!
All she does is be ******* lazy and sleeps in!
She even watches me when I'm in desperate need of help!!!
******* brothers!
You two stuck up ******* don't do **** for the ******* house!
What the **** did you guys do?!
One of you complains about doing everything for us,
How the **** did you do everything when sitting on your *** playing video games is all you ******* do?!
The other pushes me around and demands things,
What did you ever do other than ruin my life?!
I went through years of your constant bullying!
You're one of the reasons why I can't have a ******* normal life!!!!!
******* mother!
You're nothing but a ******* ***** who can't do ****!
You complain about father!
Why don't you get a ******* divorce and be done with it?!
You know why?!
Because she's ******* useless on her own!
Everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie!
Whenever I ask a question, she's always on her ******* phone!
I have to repeat myself to get her attention!
Then she gets mad when I don't answer back or give her ******* attitude!
*****, you're the ******* reason why I ******* have it!
What is wrong with you?!
Then you say I have to be an adult but you don't even let me get out of the house without your permission!
Why the **** am I getting punished?!
I didn't have a ******* kid or do drugs or crashed I don't know how many cars like my brothers and sisters!!
Don't compare me to those useless low lives! I'm finished!
I'm not you and your kid's babysitter!
I don't have to take care of your lazy *****!
That ******* includes you father!!!!
You're a worse out of all these *******!!!
You say that you keep the family together when you're tearing us apart!
We don't ******* want you here,
We hate you!!
We wish you disappear!
You're worthless and we're all done with you!
Even your brothers and sisters ******* hate you,
That's why they avoid us,
Because they're afraid we're just like you!
That's why the family ignores us!
I have ******* had it!
I'm not their ******* slave!
I don't owe them ****!
They need to do **** their own way!
**** all of you in my family,
One ******* day I will leave and be successful.
You all will be ******* unhappy,
While I will be the one who escaped you all.

it usually happens like this, the moment you expand and exfoliate in vocab gymnastics worthy of poetry, and cannot fathom the mundane lumberjack constraints of writing fiction, were the use of a thesaurus is in plain sight... people start calling your sentence construct a "psychiatric" symptom of making salads... too bad these critics have such a limited vocab bank account, that they still have to use the thesaurus, in order to "spice things up"! i tried and i tried, but i can't make language rigid, systematic; i tried being the bricklayer of language with paragraph rooms: but i just end ******* it up, like a picasso.

a man might as well have said:
                      to have *shared an experience,
is to also have paid  a remissions for qualms
of having lived a life: mostly apart -

and is that not so?
this "shared" experience,
   is nothing but a reinvention
of the dionysian cult -
and by that i mean:
nothing more than the obliterate
target practice against
any mould, or "biased" glue
to fathom beyond the thought:
something good.

fool the man and folly another,
should he come from an age
of technological "investigations"
and replica interventions -
seems only the nomad,
the less civilised is the one:
who sought wisdom, and found it...
*****-strapped in diapers
and mosquito bites...
    truth to power!
i once had e lake, now aye av a bog,
my my: a fine wide ranging
toilet crouch moment:
but my my, wh'ah a woo!
  i mean view... neever took a ****
and felt so exasperated by the canvas,
than the ease of me giving birth to
a ****-worm...
  oi! armstrong! stretch!

have you noticed why stand-up comedy
is a wholly black vs. white affair?
these days us peeps can't say
anything profound, nothing biblical,
so, we resort to not being taken seriously
and, crack a joke...
    i mean... it doesn't matter that i don't
come from a non-colonial white group,
i still can't say anything profound...
i have to crack a joke, to be taken seriously...

problem is: i might actually crack a bad joke...
i actually might not be that much funny
as a dog chasing its own tail...

a man might as well have said:
to have shared an experience,
is to also have paid
a remissions for qualms
of having lived a life: mostly apart -

and that's true, in that,
a "shared" experience is never a lived
experience...
      the ****'s up with these shamanic
holidays?
   we know we end up on cruise ships
trying to celebrate "thinking",
while at the same time succumbing
to "being" bored...
          
         the only lived we ever had was
down the pub...
    and the "shared" we attempted to
capitalise on?
    bad acid trips, bad shroom trips,
post-scriptum of a white girl
  injecting concentrated ayahuasca...
yeah, really "lived" through it together...
the sharing is not the living,
the week doesn't concentrate with
a weekend, with friday binge, saturday binge,
sunday rest...

     the left? do the capitalist infiltrators
even know what the left stands for,
the left orthodoxy? jew.
you have too much time on your hands,
scrap the 0-hour contracts, and make people
work the mandatory 6, as it was done
in post world-war II "******" states...
less time to riot and chant ******* slogans...
maybe these people can learn
the orthodox way...
        
           people with 2 days off usually waste
one of these days on utopia, and the other
on the status quo...

     **** me, that's decent, i'm going to stutter:

           people with 2 days off usually waste
one of these days on utopia, and the other
on the status quo...

oh yeah, and make army conscription mandatory,
given that universities are obsolete,
just for the boys out there, save the "boys",
bring back mandatory conscription;
it'll be like ilford county high vs.
the ilford ursulines: secular segregation,
and the mosques can just *******;

you know, i this idea of being a social engineer...
it's titillating! like saying the word scone
or crumpet to a russian girlfriend!
**** gives me the giggles!

b.t.w.: shhh, don't tell anyone...
it might be the *** talking...

no, i don't believe in ******* mud sweat
soaking condoms and cheap beer glastenbury of
shared experience...
      i don't believe in "sharing" an experience,
i don't believe in group yoga, group detox,
group schmuck worth of l.s.d. or a dope get-together
to listen to some impromptu jazz and recite
poetry like those beatnik quacks of the 60s...
if it's not a lived experience,
   like preparing dinner, and sitting by the table...
well... nothing is worth sharing... n'est-ce pas?

you either experience a lived experience,
or you experience a mockery of life -
   this... thing, called "shared" experience,
3 days at a festival, and then?
off you go vermin! back into your cages!
chop chop!
            on the ******* treadmills, pronto!
most of these people can't even imitate autism,
or the child, or concentrate within the focus
of solipsism, given the theory, some *******
even claim that it's a mental "illness":
or as i like to call it: the proper state of affairs
of being an only child.

these people do know that they're breeding really
******* patients, hiding behind the label
"mental illness", while at the same time not
calling islamic terrorists as also being mentally ill,
they know that, don't they?
   i mean, the media is breeding really angry people
with this dissociative-dissociation -
yes, i know, but this imminent tautological blunder
can't be metaphorical, akin to plain sighted
interaction of prefix-magnets...

        oh wait... associative-dissociation actually
does make more sense... d'uh: tautological prefixation
never works: the paradoxical blunder...

       oh ****, have a party,
   step it up with "tautological":
as i might also add: existentialism and the inverted
commas - the laziness regarding the aristotelian
genesis of proper nouns, and quick-hand-draw nouns;

and when you write so "confusingly" as to make
your reader distrust you, in that you have read
enough books, for them to not be able to make
identical references of a chronology of reading.

to be honest, given this western media punch-bag?
i'd rather be called a terrorist,
   than someone who's mentally ill...
  god's honest truth, since then i'd be dealing
with puritanical matters of conviction -
and as one theist said to another theist:
much easier contemplating a "non-existent"
being, than being stuck in an atheist's head
pretending to reinvent the wheel,
and the cave man, and return to mama chimp;
just saying... at least the idea of "god"
either brings the desire to procrastinate
by gesticulating the existence of: via prayer -
or being ****** by the void,
    of a non-existence of, the thing that consumes
thought - res edere cogitans;
still, much better than being cannibalised
at an atheist banquet;
i much prefer shoving my ego up his ***,
than into the mind of some atheist,
and then start nodding in approval like
some zombie carrier pigeon,
which scratches its delivery confirmation
with a hook of gangrene.

"You know
what's crazy babe?"

"What?"

"You scare me
with your love."

"That's such a waste,
come here,
I want to tell you something."

You scooch
over to me.

I just want to
know
your sticky skin.

You just breathe close to me,
all night long.

Our words
use our bodies
for mouths.

I'm not ashamed to say
that we really know
how to ****
each other.

And for all you *******
love is so physical
that words
and eternal sentiments
break it down.

Labled then enabled sin.  When faithful friends claim blame for him.  
     It hurts even worse when those permenant perch and observe the obsurdness and encure what he's earned.    
             I have burned them since birth and i have turned them or worse.  I then burden or i curse them so i purge them to be sure.

The lie was this,    I lied and pretended the harm and foolishness was coming from a woman far beyond such stumblings,  so as to offer a clearer image of the people we are dealing with here.


Listen, lets get the kink out of all the tighy whities( stop wearing them)

The real girl is not on here nor even speaking to me , you, or any o'. The fools acting in her identity.  

Now if there is one or two that is her, who cares, she can do as she **** well please,  even **** it up that a freak like me , wishes to shake her peach tree.

But Know This Friends........ Those towing this act and who game of  bizarreness and threat, of cat and mouse and God and Satan , IS NOT. HER....


And to suggest so is stupid and should only be left up to ******* like me..... J,f,k. Just ******* kidding,  jeez.  

But truly, sorry folks the hottest babe in the baddest and greatest love story ever attempted to be written, is not the villain,       okay.   I acted like it, at her expense, ( u, yeah about that, um, sorry, hope to clear some of those up in the future , just get real blonde and stupid all eight feet tall and  dunmber that a curbed  igglus  ice ies cup stuffed with Oreo. And foot cheese flavored pretzels all for a dollar ,$ 137.9.    And has you tiniest OSD all mad about it, like" what, what you gonna do about nasty *** icies".   Looking.. **** see funny as hell and disturbingly crazy as a coconut.  Yep, leave it to me.

Anxiety,
When aren't near me,
Anxiety,
When you don't talk to me

Maybe it's because today I've had too much caffeine,
But I've got you circling my mind and it's not too keen,
On the fact that you haven't talked to me in more than a minute,
If you called I'd tell you that I really don't like it,
I'm trying not to blow up your phone with texts,
They say it's more when you leave a guy with less,
You really don't like it when anyone plays games,
The problem is that it's getting kind of late,
And I've been getting fewer good night texts,
It's been messing a  bit with my head,
But I know you're in your own lately,
So I'm trying not to take it too personally,
I miss you every time you aren't right here,
Since this pillow doesn't have the same feel,
When I cuddle it by myself at night,
Sometimes I like to leave on a light,
And hope you'll walk right in my door,
Loneliness isn't a feeling I want to afford,
Not anymore, because I'm getting too **** old,
To spend so much time alone and cold,
I'd rather have you, my personal furnace,
And I know all of this with the sureness,
Of someone who's kissed way too many *******,
To know when I've found the perfect *******,
I'm done ******* around,
I'll say it so **** loud,
I want you,
And only you,

Anxiety,
When aren't near me,
Anxiety,
When you don't talk to me.

Frickidy Froik faking myself for acceptance again, trying to be something I am not; am I insane because I feel there is something wrong with my brain. I feel like being myself steers people away from me, so I put on a mask to be a thing that strays away from being the real me. Out cast, just one awkward person, semi-Christian kid that listened to pastors sermons. I was souled out, but when it came to defending God, like peter I was a sell out. Hanged out with the druggies and the geeks because everyone else wanted nothing do with me, they just looked at me like I was a freak. Rough times, but it is what it is as they say, I don't care; I'm different now, walking down a path not looking back at my past ways. I just had a messed up mind, ignoring all the signs of opportunity, yeah I guess you could say I was driving life blind. Was out of it, thought I'd never get out of it, I was just so bent on the thinking that I just couldn't handle it. Lost my handle when I got caught up in the scandal of life, always wondering if I would last the night, wanted so badly to just end my life with a knife. Getting into grade 10 dressed up as the invisible man, no one noticed me; it was if I was as tiny as a milligram. I stayed away from functions, stood brewing in my own demented self-destruction. Sore and broken, shouldn't have done what I did, but how can you help out a struggling kid. Empowered individuals to change themselves, but I couldn't seem to be able to cure myself. I pretended like I was enjoying all these immoral pleasures, I lost sight of myself, its like *** has become worthless damaged treasure. Time to take off the mask, time to stay on my task, time to get out of that full body cask. I am done being mummified, done being dead on the out and the inside, time to be independent time to no longer hide who I am on the inside. Know what to do but don't know how to do it, been through a lot of ****, and there are still times where I say you know **** all this ****. I hang onto the future where I change people, so we can get out of being the in the age of being mid evil. There is still hope for us *******; there is still time to rearrange the masses. Its time to take off our masks and be who we truly are, you just have to believe in yourself because if you do you'll make it far. I only speak from experience, you don't have to take it from me, and some times you have to get burned to truly see. Never shy away from going to someone who could help you and not judge you, find someone who will take the time to listen to your point of view. It may hurt to say what you’re going through at the moment, but if you don't it will eat away at you until it’s too late for atonement. Take off that mask, forget about what may transpire afterwards because of the decisions you made, you are broken off of it, now you can relax in the shade.

My worthy adversaries across the dais would have you believe
That, having fashioned mankind in His own image
And, what’s more, sacrificed His own son
For the sole purpose of its collective salvation,
Our Maker would, in effect,
Simply shrug his shoulders and send it on its merry way.
Free to fall, those arguing the negative will tell you.
Ah, but there’s more than that: not only do they insist
That The Creator has for all intents and purposes abandoned us,
But has allowed an equally powerful and diametrically opposed force
To set up shop on his watch.  
I would ask them--what drabble of Scripture,
What logical premise would you cite to support such madness?

But surely, my learned opponents would purr,
(Oh, every bit as sly as devils themselves!)
You would not deny the existence of evil in this world.  
Morons! Can it somehow be possible
That you are completely ignorant of the work of Augustine?  
Tell me, after you finish your warm milk
And button up your snuggly jammies,
When you flick off the light switch, does the dark come out?
Or is your grasp of physics and philosophy equally inadequate?

I suppose, in a last, desperate attempt to buttress their arguments,
The supporters of the opposite position
Will contend my presence in this lecture hall
Is necessary and sufficient  for their argument to carry the day.
I categorically deny the supposition!
I do not exist, nor can I!  
Hang your forensic skills on that,
You bunch of ******* saintly *******.

Ever since gays have had rights
Look at the resurgence of blight
Day and night morals arent right
Instead they push their fright
Ironic thing is they say there scared
But yet we are the ones they fear
Listen close and hear me clear
**** what the medias trying to push
And agenda transgenders
Becoming Brandon to Brenda
To confuse a newer generation
With gender
Boys becoming girls
Girls becoming boys
Men becoming women
Women becoming men
Let the confusion settle in
Sattle up cuz its going to be a rough ride
They want us in population genocide
Which is a sneaky homicide
Provoking our own suicide
Its no longer whos wrong or right
Its about political correctness on sight
Funny thing is they say speak your mind
But yet imprison your mind
If you try to speak your mind
So how bout this **** this agenda
And there propaganda
Real parents need to stand up
And stop letting them play us
And conform us into a mutual trust
They already got us marked
Since birthday social security
Drivers license
Wake up folks and pay attention
To there *******
Spinning out satans pulpits
Before ya know it
Y'all ******* gone be chipped

If I had a Rand for every time I heard that, I’d be a good R10 richer in the space of 3 years and 10 potentials. I know what this looks like but, for the first time in the history of man, can I say... It’s not what it looks like.. and, it’s actually not what it looks like

I’ve given so much of myself to the well-being of her and she gave me the default response for every female that claims that they want a good man until they encounter one. I am not ready.

She laughs in my company, and genuinely laughs without the fear of being hurt. Between my bad jokes and painful roasts, she finds safety without any attachment. She gets all of me without having to commit to a forever that will leave her happier than she would be chasing the so called “f-boy”
I guess females these days tend to hide behind their words. They say what they don’t mean and they don’t mean what they say so when it’s time to account for what’s been said, they plead the fifth with evidence being the very man they hit with their most famous line. I am not ready.

The best part is when they tell you how they need you but they’re too scared of heartbreak, but if they’re ex called, they’d offer him the same opportunity to break their heart all over again, so when a guy like me comes into to town to turn that frown upside down, she boldly reaches in to her timidity and ignorance, and with all the strength she has left to make a good decision, she says .. I am not ready, but surely if he came back and apologized, you wouldn’t think twice about the compromise, and you’d fantasize about all the lies, and the tears you cried and somehow, your ******* would let this ***** back into your life!

I’m sorry, none of you are ******* but y’all do stupid things, just like we all do. I guess my frustration is you know I can treat you better but you’re settling for someone who’s settled in on being less than the man you need him to. I know I’m not perfect, neither am I judgmental, but I bet you R10, I’m further along than he is with treating you right.

I’m not promising rainbows and sunshine. I’m promising consistency. I will consistently fall in love with you even on days you don’t love yourself, or even me. I understand that people fight all the time, and I heard make up *** is pretty amazing so will I intentionally fight with you every now and then? No, I won’t. That’s a lie, yes, I will. I guess it wouldn’t be purely based on making up afterwards. I guess it would be based on my fears and insecurities, so sometimes I’ll fight with you to see if you’re still down for me and I know that doesn’t make sense, and I told you I ain’t perfect, but I’d love to still feel wanted even on days I don’t want to be myself.... or on days where I beat myself up for not doing enough, while having 24hour days, and no sleep.... trying to chase a dream that I can’t wait to live out - with you.

I won’t promise you anything I can’t deliver. So, you’re going to be very familiar with kisses... yeah, I will kiss you for anything and everything.. break a nail, mwah, love you boo! You make me laugh, mwah, love you boo. Drop a smelly bomb... you guessed it.. mwah, I love you boo! I grab ***, anytime. Sometimes, by accident but mostly on purpose. I give lengthy hugs. If you’re running late, that’s on you... not me.. come give me some sugar.. I love loving on you in any and every way, and your voice would be the soundtrack to my life.. I will cherish your presence almost like everyday is the last day I have with you, and sometimes, I hold grudges, but just kiss my neck and I will even forget what I was mad about

What I’m trying to say is love will always be present. The absence of love is something you’ll never know of. I will make you so happy that, days will feel like....... sorry... what... oh? You’re not ready?...

Dumb barbarians
simply playing at being
intellectuals

               Kelly McManus

I have no idea
no fuken idea
not a clue
do you

I hunch
and shudder
is this what is
is this true

this thing this fling
winging ing
really really
tiresomesly

'cept when 'snot
when it's  'n
electric sizzle
fryn' your socks

ya mostly needs
other *******
to really f-ully
find entrenchment

I watched you get undressed. It was a mission trip. You in your bra and *******. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to take off the rest of the coverings and have my skin next to yours. I wanted everyone to know in some way that you were mine. I would have made myself a fool because two best friends who are Christian girls aren't supposed to do that. But I just stared at your smooth skin as long as I could.
I wanted to take your hand in my hand then proceed to call you babe. But you had to be a straight girl and fall for the guy in the praise band who played guitar. Typical. Just typical. You guys broke up in high school. You guys were my best friends. You two were unstoppable heroes. Now neither of you two talk to each other. Your parents won't even talk to each other. What kind of love was so bad even if it ended mutually that none of you two will talk about it? I know it's a Christian town but what the actual **** is wrong with you two? I may not be straight but I declare you two *******.

I was that person
The one who didn’t belong to a group
To nerdy to be cool,
To cool to be a nerd,
To smart to hang with the *******,
To lazy to study with the studiers

It took me 16 years to find a group,
At least larger than the handful of friends I made here and there,
But they were all seniors
Quickly they gathered their things and left
And once again, I was alone

It took me 16 ******* years to be happy
It took me 16 ******* years of crying myself to sleep,
Because I didn’t know who to call my people
It took me 16 ******* years to belong
But only two weeks for it to fall apart

I was always that person
Who didn’t belong
The puzzle piece to a different set,
The plate that was replaced,
The socks that ruin the outfit
And now I’m here
Wishing I fit in